A tidbit in the news yesterday caught my eye, in the worst sort of way. It was a brief item on the Memorial Day opening of the area public pools, and an associated cringe worthy problem that we all know exists, but which we try hard not to think about - people using the pool as their lavatory instead of going to the restroom. I don't mean to be indelicate, [well, I do, really, I suppose, since I'm mentioning it, but I try to observe the proprieties,] but apparently people, full grown adults even, are peeing in the pool at an alarming rate.
How disconcerting.
In the survey I was reading, fully 20% of the respondents actually admitted to the misdeed. [You have to seriously wonder about their social skills, even being willing to admit to this obviously anti-social behavior, but I digress.] Naturally, that leads me to wonder how many more people do it but won't admit to it.
Given the known statistic, I wouldn't be surprised to learn, what with the human tendency to lie about everything, even when it's not ridiculously embarrassing, to say nothing of something like this, that half of the people in the swimming pool at any given time are probably eliminating in there, as well. That is a really shocking number, making me think I will never set foot in a public pool again.
I don't know about you, but I would like to think that by the time a person is old enough to be in the pool unsupervised, they would also know better than to eliminate in there. Sort of gives a whole new perspective on the old "hand in the pan of water" trick, I think. [Any girl who ever attended a slumber party knows exactly what I am talking about, here, but as I mentioned, I try to observe the proprieties, so I'm not going to expound. You are on your own with this one.]
This is not just an icky thought. People are spreading germs which can make other swimmers sick.
We would never tolerate this lack of sanitary standards in restaurant kitchens or other public places. We demand high quality regulations any time the general public is exposed to the risk of contamination, in order to prevent the spread of disease and illness. It seems sort of pointless to slather up with antiseptic soap and antibacterial hand gel 24/7, only to dive into the community toilet the moment the sun emerges, don't you think?
But for some irrational reason, [wants versus needs?] we continue to expect chlorine and other vague treatments to be sufficient to overcome all the water borne germs floating in our public pools. Given the rates of people misbehaving, it seems like a Herculean task.
So I got to thinking that there must be a way to identify the perpetrators of this outrageous behavior. I have amused myself at some length troubleshooting solutions to this watery dilemma. I am surprised some chemistry genius hasn't already come up with something that would identify the miscreants at the time of their misdeed.
My ultimate solution? Peer pressure in the form of public humiliation. As a society, we seem to have gotten away from the idea of public disapproval as a discipline technique. As far as I am concerned, peer pressure is one of the most effective deterrents to bad behavior that we have available, and I'm not afraid to use it. [Just ask my children.]
I say we utilize it to correct a behavior which is not only bad, but dangerous, especially to those who have vulnerable immune systems. Surely there must be a chemical that would react with urine in the water, causing a color change, maybe turning the water bright purple or something, so it couldn't be missed by anyone in the vicinity.
Imagine the reaction, as the water gradually turns colors around the unsuspecting swimmer, with nowhere to hide. I know what you are thinking. But admit it, you giggled. Unless, of course, you are one of the people who do this, in which case, you shuddered and made a vow to never do it again.
See? Mission accomplished.
There is a real function to this idea, beyond simple embarrassment. This would allow other swimmers not only to know who did it, but where the contaminants are.
Equally importantly, it would give a clear indication to the teenagers working there when the water was so contaminated that everyone needs to exit the pool for some type of shock treatment. [I don't know about you, but I think putting the health of the community into the hands of teenagers, trusting that they will do the testing and treating on schedule, as they are supposed to, without a single parental reminder, is a bit of a stretch.] The entire pool as a test strip, so to speak, with the outcome obvious to everyone at all times seems like a more effective way to control the situation.
I believe this is an idea whose time has come. If I were anything like a chemistry geek, I would get right on it and patent it, and make my millions. Since I am the artsy craftsy type, and couldn't even memorize the periodic table, I freely give this idea to the masses. Surely there is some eager young inventor out there waiting for the right concept to come along. Consider yourself run over.
In the meantime, I think the only diving I'm going to be doing will be into a book. I'll see you on the pool deck, with my laptop aimed at Snopes.com.
