Time flies

 Eleven years ago, I was looking forward to the imminent start of one of life's exciting transitions - becoming a grandparent.  Of course, at the time, I didn't really understand what that meant for my life, because I had never been one, and like most life changes, you don't really understand it until you go through it.

I didn't have grandparents.  They all died when I was very young or before I was born, so I never had the grandparent experience myself.  So I didn't know what it was like to have a grandparent.  I did know from some of my cousins that I missed out on something special.  But I wasn't really clear on what, exactly, that experience was.  Because I didn't really see myself in the role that they described their grandmother filling - a woman always in the kitchen cooking and baking and making treats and loving her family by feeding everyone.  That just isn't my style.  So what was my style of grandmother going to be?

Lets just say I spiraled from there.  What kind of grandmother doesn't bake?  Was I going to be any kind of grandmother?  What do I know about grandmothering, anyway?  I barely know about kids, I'm not great with kids.... Spiral, spiral....  (I'm just gonna be honest here.  I don't handle change all that well.  Even good change.  It takes me a hot minute to get with the program, but I do eventually get there.)

And justice for all

We are watching the Epstein cover up continue to dribble on in slow motion, and we can only hope we are a long ways from the conclusion of this case, because if we aren't, there is going to be yet another cover up, and that is just not acceptable, or it shouldn't be to anyone calling themselves a morally upright person.  I just read a meme that really hit for me.  It said something along the lines of how pathetic it is that a 15 minute halftime show at a football game has garnered more national attention than the Epstein case.  While not exactly true, I think every single woman who has ever been the victim of a sexual assault feels that to her very soul.

Social realities

One of the most interesting aspects of social media is that it gives you a perceived access to celebrities where you believe you know them more personally than you do, and your opportunities for illusion (and delusion) is thus proportionately higher.  There are a lot of examples of this, but I will give one from my own recent experience which is a reminder of the danger of how seeing is not necessarily believing in this day and age.

You are enough....

I am not quite sure how it happened, but I got into a cycle of reels on my facebook account while I was scrolling recently, and while it would seem I have nothing in common with the subject, I have been quite surprised to find that, on the contrary, I have quite a lot of unexpected understanding.  The reels are from the TLC show Curvy Brides, which was on some time ago, and was hosted by Jo Cooke and Alison Law, who are, I have to say, amazing life coaches, in addition to the bridal consulting they were doing.

The premise is that plus sized brides deserve to have choices in making the most important clothing selection of their lives without fear or judgement, and their boutique in Essex provides that.  My heart has repeatedly broken watching these videos, as beautiful young women reveal to Jo and especially Ali their fears, lack of body confidence, feeling unloved because of their weight, etc.  What has surprised me, though, is how much I relate to everything they are saying.  Every single word resonates for me.

Iceburg in a Titanic World...

 Many years ago, I was going through a very difficult time in my life.  A lot of people had a lot of opinions on what was happening, but very few of those people knew much of the story, much less the whole story.  Even my closest friends didn't really know everything, because you never really do, right?  Closed doors don't just keep people out.  They also serve as barriers to keep people in, and when we are in messy places, all too often we want to hide the mess behind a barrier, because, you know, people are judgy, and who needs that when you are already judging yourself?

Anyway, I just read something that really resonated for me, and thought I would share a few thoughts about it.  

You don't owe anyone your story.  Let me repeat, with emphasis.  You. Don't. Owe. Anyone. Your. Story.