This Thanksgiving holiday weekend has been different for me, an interesting reminder that my life has changed permanently and with finality.
The same trappings that have always been a part of the holiday weekend were there. We ate the same foods, we bought a tree and got it trimmed, we wrote our Christmas letter and signed our cards, we did our usual day after Thanksgiving shopping jaunt - in fact, we followed most of the same rituals we always have. But the weekend itself has transformed into an ongoing reminder of just how much life has changed for me and for my kids over this past year.
The weekend began by the return of my children from their respective colleges, a return that is familiar to the one, and a new experience to the other. As my college newbie ran around to familiar haunts in a whirlwind of activity, seeing her friends that she has missed, doing familiar activities, and enjoying the things she has loved for her whole life, there was a new appreciation for what she has taken for granted because it has always been there for her, and it has been missed.
But I also observed a new maturity, as she experienced the college disconnect for the first time, and she realized the truth of the old cliche that you can't go home again. Everything is the same and everything is different, all at the same time, in a way that cannot be explained, it must be experienced. She is ready to return to her new life in college, and she will embrace the time there with a new enthusiasm, I suspect, because she has now gained an understanding of what she has there by being here once again.
It is always a thrill to see your children stretch in their understanding of life, and I feel fortunate to be on the sidelines cheering them on. For those parents still in the throes of the hands on child raising years, I promise these times make it worth every tear that will fall and every moment you will wonder if you will all survive the experience.
I saw my eldest, an old hat at managing the equal demands of wanting to see friends and also spend time with family, also work to manage the new demand of a very significant other who was also managing her own family and friend demands. It is a new experience for me, as well, as I let go even more of what has always been my right as a mother to his time and attention, and watch him set his own parameters for his choices this weekend. It is very clear what is important to him, and I am satisfied that his priorities are firmly in the right order - he is managing his time and his obligations as well as anyone can when there are too many demands and not enough hours in the day for everything that is important.
But I realized this weekend that my kids are not the only ones who have stretched and grown and changed these past few months. I have also transformed, into an only person, someone unaccustomed to having company and conversation and additional life in the house. I have developed new routines and a new schedule and new habits, and I have found that the old demands no longer fit like they once did. The growing pains are hard on everyone, but ultimately, I think we will all be better for having gone through them.
If it sounds as though I am looking forward to being alone again, au contraire. In fact, I will miss my kids more now than I did when they left this fall. I have a new appreciation for what each of them brings to my life, and I will miss each of them more acutely for their absence. I am getting a glimpse of the rest of my life, when they will be truly gone, in lives and homes of their own that have nothing to do with me at all, and I will miss them and what they have brought to my life on a daily basis for the last 25 years more than they can imagine.
But I also look forward to the opportunity I have to forge ahead in new ways, and to build a new life for myself as an independent adult, something I have never done. I will continue to enjoy the things that I have been enjoying - the peace and solitude I have never really experienced before, the opportunity to schedule my days based on my own whims instead of someone else's needs, the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I feel like it, without answering to anyone. (Well, except my boss and my clients, obviously!)
It is a surprise to me to find out that as my children grow and change and transform, I, as their parent, am doing the same. In short, this Thanksgiving, I have found old things for which to give thanks in new ways. This year, I am very thankful for:
My family: I am not only thankful for my two children, who fill my life and give it meaning, but for my extended family, as well. I am grateful for the mother who is nothing short of my guardian angel, a woman whose place in my life words are simply inadequate to describe, so I won't try. I adore my "big" brother, who is always there to count on and lean on and sort things out with. I am grateful for the wife he brought into the family circle, providing me with the wise and loving older sister I have always wanted, and the example she doesn't even know she is. I am thankful to have two nieces and a nephew whom I love and who are endlessly entertaining, each in their own way. They all bring something totally different to the family table, and they fill a hole that we didn't even know was there until they showed up.
I am also thankful for the extended family that has graced my life for all these years. I didn't fully appreciate or understand just how important they were to me until now, when we are losing them one by one, and I feel bereft of their love and their caring and everything else that made each one unique and special. I have been well and truly loved my entire life, and that is a gift without measure. My family has taught me about unconditional love my whole life, and it is the gift that keeps on giving as it spreads to new generations through each of us.
Old friends: I am so grateful for the very special old friends that I can still call on for whatever I need, be it a laugh or a shoulder to cry on, or something else entirely. I have been ridiculously blessed with the best friends anyone could ever ask for - totally undeserved, but thoroughly appreciated and valued.
New friends: I am gradually accumulating new friends, especially as my children bring their friends into my life. As they develop significant relationships, I have been blessed in surprising ways by people that I never knew would be a part of my life, but whom I'm glad are there now. I have always enjoyed people of all ages, and I am so happy that I can count as my friends kids who are teens as well as men and women well into their mature years. I have been richly blessed, and I look forward to many more years of friendship with those people I never realized would be so important to me.
Pets: I am thankful for the critters that inhabit my household and make things interesting. One of them was ill over Thanksgiving, and my concern for him reminded me of how much pleasure he brings me each and every day. My relief at his recovery, and my joy in hearing him once again sing his happy little song reminds me of God's words that His eye is even on the sparrow. Each creature is a part of the plan for our world, and I would be a lot lonelier without them.
Material goods: If we are honest with ourselves and each other, we are thankful for the tangible goods that we have accumulated, even if we tend to focus more on what we don't have. This has been a hard year for me business-wise, and the end is not in sight. And yet, through God's grace and a lot of help, I still have a home and food on the table, and I am more grateful for that fact than ever. I would even posit that the lack of wealth has served to clarify for me what is truly of value in my life. The "stuff" that used to be so important in my 20's has faded, and the things that matter to me now are clear and easy to identify. That is a gift in itself for which I give abundant thanks.
Time: I am grateful that, more likely than not, I have time to work on myself and my life, and to get right what I have so far gotten wrong. I am thankful that I can mend fences that need mending, and I can show appreciation where it is due. Although we never know how much time has been allotted to us on this earth, I live each day as best I can, so that at the end of the day, I will never have to look back and regret.
Blog: I am thankful that in my middle years, I have found an outlet for my driving passion of writing, one which went begging before I found the blogosphere. Whether one person or many read what I write and throw into cyberspace is less important to me than that I have the amazing opportunity to do it at all. I am thankful for the talent I have been given, and I hope that someday I will put it to even better use. I wait on God to tell me when that time and place will be, and look forward with enthusiasm to the opportunity to continue improving as a crafter of words and phrases until then.
God's grace: I am thankful each and every day for God's grace in my life, and the example that is set for me. It has made me the person I am today, and it continues to encourage and inspire me to be a better mom, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and friend. Grace is the gift of life, because it is the promise that no matter what I do wrong, I will have another opportunity to get it right. There is no greater gift than that.
This Thanksgiving, I encourage you to take time to think of not only what you are especially thankful for, but why. Sometimes it takes a special day to remind us of what really matters in life. So take this time set aside to give thanks, and recognize what gives your life meaning and makes it worth getting up each day. I think it will give you a new outlook on being thankful. At least it has for me.
Happy Thanksgiving one and all! To each of you, I wish you all the best of the holiday season upcoming. Breathe easily, relax, and realize that no matter what doesn't get done, the holiday will be perfect in its own way as it is every single year. Let the magic happen as it comes, and it will be a success!
Merry Christmas!
