I have learned something about myself today. Usually, self-actualization is a positive process, a way of gaining insight into one's own soul. Unfortunately, this new revelation about myself does not exactly fall into that category. It was not a positive piece of news, one that I could announce joyfully on facebook. (Oh, I announced it, all right. Just not joyfully.) Because I have discovered that I Have A Flaw.
Hello, my name is Sarah, and I am a procrastinator.
I realize that many people procrastinate. I know that running behind is normal operating procedure for a fair portion of the population. But today, I have come to understand that I have raised this to a whole new level. I am a big time, professional level procrastinator.
How did I learn this, you ask? Well, it was revealed to me when I found myself vacuuming this morning rather than doing the task I know I need to accomplish.
Anyone who knows me, even a little bit, will be familiar with my attitude about house cleaning. It is reflective of the attitude I had back in college... high school... elementary school.... I was always the one getting yelled at because my desk was so messy I could never find my pencil or crayons. Or books. My room was a disaster all the time. I would crack open my locker door just far enough to throw something in, then slam it shut so the mess couldn't spill out all over the hallway. In short, my attitude has always been why bother? It's just going to get messed up again, anyway.
I would like to have the reputation of a Mrs. Clean. I just can't do it. I have always thought it was a pragmatic resolution, because with kids, you can't keep up anyway. Why threaten my sanity over clean floors? However, it appears the kids may have less to do with this matter than previously imagined, since the kids are now adults, not living here, and the house remains an untended disaster. Hm.... Who to blame, who to blame...?
Today, instead of the task at hand, I decided that I could not live another moment without vacuuming my daughter's closet. She will be stunned to learn this, I'm sure, since the inside of that closet probably hasn't seen a vacuum cleaner since 1995. (That would be the year we built this house.) On the upside, I'm pleased to report that the carpeting looks pretty good in there. (Of course, it hasn't seen the light of day, or been seen, in about 17 years, so it should.)
I come from a long line of worker bees. If we were a hive, my family would be in charge of production. You would know I was adopted simply from watching my lack of work ethic versus everyone else's. My relatives are the type who have surgery one day and do yard work the next. Sturdy pioneer stock, striking out for lands unknown - that's them. I'd rather read a book.
So, anyway, today's revelation is a rather unwelcome discovery, given the family dynamic of work hard, play... well, they don't really play. They just work hard. They get a lot more done than I do, of course. And they all live into their 90's, so there is that.
But my current state of dilly dallying around will not be well received by certain people who are awaiting the finishing of the task at hand. I fear I will shortly receive curt e-mails and unamused phone calls, demanding to know the reason why I am writing a blog post about not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, instead of just doing it. (Whew. Did that even make sense?)
Personally, I think that qualifies me as procrastinator of the month. I should probably make myself some dessert and celebrate. I wonder if I can find a good book around here?
