My life has been an adventure from day one. I can only imagine the consternation my impending arrival must have caused my teenaged biological single mother in 1960. I am sure it was the last thing she, or her family, hoped for her life, and I hope she has never regretted giving me away to someone who was in a place to give me everything she couldn't. I have been a handful and a half, and she was probably not up to it. I shudder to think where I would be if she hadn't given me to the parents God meant me to have.
That's the thing, God has a plan for each of us, from the moment we are conceived. The hardest part is figuring out what that plan might be. So many times I have said I will let go of the burdens and let God handle it from here, and I have meant it. Then my controlling nature takes over, and once again I try to make my own way, because I want to think I'm in control.
Well, my life the last few months has been proof positive that Father knows best, in the most real sense imaginable Since I've been off the map for awhile, I will share some of what has gone on for me. I hope if you read this and see the miracles in my life, then perhaps you will be inspired to let God work in your life, too. Because that's the message I have taken from this experience, and it's one I feel compelled to share.
In January of this year, I was sitting in a big lonely house in Kansas City, miserable, broke, lonely, in a job that was not fulfilling, just getting through my day as best I could. I was blessed, in the sense that I have the best friends a person could imagine, and I know that. But as for the path I was on, it was clearly the wrong direction. I truly believe in Jeremiah 29:11, and I know God created me to have a beautiful life, not one of hurt and misery. But I was not experiencing the joy that should come with a life lived in a Godly way. I knew something had to change, but didn't even know where to start.
So I threw myself into prayer, beseeching God to show me what he wanted from me, to allow me the grace to give up my pride and let life happen as he intended.
Well. He showed me.
I realized I needed to sell my house and get out from under the pressure of upkeep a long time ago, and the time was finally right, for a lot of reasons. In the worst market in years, I was going to sell a house that was not new, had a lot of issues, and had the biggest deck in the city which needed a lot of work. (You think I'm kidding. My daughter and 26 hours of hard work say I'm not.)
My 17 year old house sold in 40 days for the asking price with nothing upgraded, original carpeting and appliances, and very few improvements. I got back what I put into the house, which, in this market, is a miracle. Although I had a lot of people looking, no one was going to offer the asking price until this particular buyer showed up, because my house was exactly what he needed, and he was tired of looking. It was a God thing.
I spent several months going through 17 years worth of accumulated stuff, mostly things I had outgrown, moved on from, or kept because it was easier than dealing with it. The process was extremely painful and grueling, not because of the stuff itself, but because it meant letting go of all the hurt and anger and memories and frustration that I associated with it. But I discovered in truly letting go, I was freed of all the detritus in my life that tied me to the past, an act which allowed me to think forward for the first time in years.
In selling my house, I had to consider what I wanted to do with my life, and where I wanted to be. I was in Kansas City, not because it's where I wanted to be, but because that is where I landed with my ex-husband more than 20 years ago for job related reasons. I knew that although I had wonderful friends there, my family, and my heart, are now elsewhere. My kids were in different states, my mother was somewhere else again, and all my relatives are scattered around.
After prayerful consideration, I knew God was calling me back to where I started, to the little town in rural Minnesota where I grew up, and where my mother still lives. I would never have imagined myself living there again, it was not on the radar for me since I was a child, but I knew God was telling me to go home and start fresh from that safe place. And for once in my life, I listened to what he was telling me.
Since I made that decision, everything in my life has fallen into place in the most amazing way.
When I sat in Kansas City thinking about the house I would have if I could have any house I wanted, I envisioned a little house with the basic rooms, some character and fun architecture, a bungalow just right for me. The perfect house went on the market in town the very moment I was ready to buy it. It is everything I dreamed of, from the quirky uneven floors to the archway in the dining room and the fun built in cabinets in the dining room. God does provide for our heart's desires, and my new house is the proof for me.
I knew I didn't want to continue in the job I have had for the last four years. It is a good job for a lot of people, but not for me. It made me miserable, it was not fulfilling, and wasn't even paying the bills. It was a huge leap of faith for me to just make the move without having a job waiting for me, but I stepped out on that new found faith, and trusted that God would provide.
And he did. He brought me to a job four blocks from my house, with Christian owners who work the longest hours of anyone there, setting an inspiring example of teamwork that makes me feel valuable and needed. It's the happiest I've been at work in a long time. It is exactly what I had dreamed of, and more, and dropped into my lap totally out of the blue. It was a God thing, and I am so happy I left it up to him, because I couldn't have done this on my own.
I have always said that I didn't think there was anyone out there for me, but I gave lip service to accepting the possibility that I was wrong. I told everyone I would leave the door open just enough so that if God wanted to bring someone through and drop him in my lap, I would accept that. But the reality was that I held the door shut for the last eight years, not ready to even consider the possibility that God might know more than I do about what I needed in my life.
I hadn't counted on someone not getting the memo about my not dating. So he didn't worry about my past failures, overlooked my foolish fears, and asked me anyway. And after a few trials and tribulations (entirely self-inflicted, obviously, this guy is a saint) it seems I do date after all. Who knew?
My cousin posted on Facebook recently that I get the award for the most changed life in the shortest period of time. I think she's right, but not because of anything I did. It's because of what I didn't do. I gave up control of my destiny, and willfully made the choice to allow God to direct my path.
When God is for us, no one, not even Satan, can be against us. I don't know where the path will lead, none of us do, but for now, I have opened doors I thought were well and truly closed, and my life has been richly and unbelievably blessed. I literally cannot believe the difference nine months can make. Like having a baby, my life is utterly changed in ways I could never have foreseen, and in ways I didn't even realize I needed.
If you are feeling hopeless, if you are allowing life to overwhelm you, give it over to God. You are his child, and like any loving parent, he wants you to have everything that you were destined for in life. While he allows your character to be forged in the hard times, there will be times of extravagant blessings if you allow him to direct your life. I am living proof. My life has been redeemed through the love of my God, and yours has, too. Accept the grace you have been freely given, and start to live the life God has in mind for you. You will never regret it. Trust me!
Have a truly awesome day safe in the love of your own very personal Father God.
