I grew up knowing I was a chosen child. As an adoptee, I was fortunate to be chosen by my family to be a part of them, a priceless gift I could never repay. It has lived in my psyche my entire life, knowing that it was a special thing to be loved, not because I showed up, but because they picked me when they didn't have to.
Perhaps that is why it feels so right to me to rescue a pet that is struggling, discarded, depressed and confused. I have felt those things at various times in my life myself, and I feel like I have something special to offer them, an understanding that others don't possess.
Or perhaps it is simply because I am the Pied Piper of pets, and I am attracted to them (and them to me) no matter what the circumstances!
At any rate, a year ago, I lost my dog, Gizmo, the third, and last, of our elderly pets who spent so many years sharing life with me. He lived an amazing and fulfilled life to the very last day, even though he was ill, on and off, for several years prior to his death, kept alive through sheer willpower and a lot of expense, both financial and emotional.
When I adopted him from the shelter, I made a commitment to him to give him the best possible life to make up for his very hard beginning, and I think I can safely say I succeeded. The day we brought him home, he was depressed, sad, scared and lonely, hiding in the back of his shelter kennel, quiet and miserable in the little space allotted to him. He clearly needed me, even though he was exactly what I had told my daughter we were NOT going to get, a Jack Russell Terrier. But he was motionless when I first saw him, head hanging and not even looking up, so I didn't see the train coming until it ran over me, and I was already enthralled.
Once we brought him home, it didn't take him long to come to life (like 20 minutes) and when he did, he was a changed creature. From quiet to inexhaustible, calm to anxiety driven, introverted to extroverted, he was a funny, crazy, bouncing off the walls addition to our lives. He ran like a bullet, ate everything in sight, including, on one memorable occasion, wire, and loved his people with a passion that was only exceeded by his dislike of any dog other than TidBit.
The worry and care in his final days took a toll on me, however, and I vowed I would never have another pet, because my heart simply could not bear the loss. I loved my pets so deeply, and losing them left a hole I didn't think could be filled again. Never say never....
It wasn't long before I met a cat who deserved a better life, so after three years without a cat, we took in Second Chance. He is a great cat, fun and full of life, and I thought that would be enough. But recently, I have really missed having a dog, as well, and that is where this story really begins.
I have expressed how much I miss having a dog to several friends, one of whom shot me an email a couple of weeks ago about two little dogs who needed a home. I looked at the photos, and they certainly were cute, so I made an appointment with the rescue to meet them.
It was very odd as I drove down to Rochester to meet the dogs, because on paper, they were everything I was looking for. And yet, somehow, it just didn't feel right to me. I wasn't sure if I was hoping it would work out, or if I was hoping it wouldn't. Which, if you know me, is not like me at all. I love all animals, and I generally want to take them all home with me. So this was a very surprising development, and sort of confusing.
I met with the rescue person, and met the dogs, and somehow, it just didn't feel right. They were cute, they were sweet, they clearly needed some loving attention, but the whole thing was off. The other dog that was there came running to me and got into my lap immediately, but these two were very standoffish and uninterested, and I couldn't get them to engage with me at all. It was like they knew I wasn't "their" person, and they didn't want to waste their time on me!
I told her I would have to think about it all overnight, and I would get back to her, but I knew, even then, that it wasn't the right fit. It was puzzling, and I was quite upset about it all. I couldn't help but wonder if it was just too soon; if I was still trying to bring back the dogs I missed so much, instead of allowing my heart to expand to bring in a new dog, but I just didn't know.
After a sleepless night, I decided to go and see the dogs one more time at the adoption event she was holding that morning. I went towards the end of the event, because I wanted to see them at their worst, to see exactly what I would be dealing with if I did take them, and I immediately knew they were not for me. Once again, we didn't connect on either side, and it all felt completely wrong. It was so odd and unexpected, but helped me to firmly close that door.
I settled on the thought that I was just not ready for a dog quite yet, but decided to pet a few dogs while I was there just for the fun of doing it. I sat down on the floor to pet a very enthusiastic girl, and suddenly felt someone pressing hard against my leg. Then I felt a little head in my lap. The people around me all looked surprised, and the foster "dad" told me that this little dog had been quite upset and aggressive, wouldn't allow anyone near him, and he had been hiding under the chair in the corner for the entire event. Next thing I knew, he was snuggled in my lap, melting into me for all he was worth. They were all amazed at how he took to me immediately, and I couldn't help but be interested in him.
I asked about his story, but they didn't give me much information, other than that he was not the right dog for me. They told me he was not friendly, he wouldn't work out in my office environment, he wasn't even leash trained. He needed more TLC than I had time for, and some rehab to learn how to trust again. Right. Point taken. Don't fall in love, don't fall in love, don't fall....
I asked for a leash anyway, because the poor little thing was totally overwhelmed and I wanted to take him away from the crowd and give him a little relief, and in 15 minutes, he was walking on a leash by my side. He was pathetic looking, a face that was so sad it was funny. And he was so loving he was almost irresistible. But they said he wasn't the dog for my needs, so I resolved to give him back. It was better for both of us if I walked away NOW!
This dog then made a brilliant move which sealed his fate. As I was ready to hand him over, he placed one paw on each shoulder, and snuggled his little head into my neck. I wasn't ready to admit it yet, but he had found a new home. Because out of all the people he saw that day, he chose me. Impossible to resist, no matter what the challenge would be.
I hardened my heart and did hand him back, then went home to talk to my husband, Dan, and think about it. But the decision was already made, of course. This dog knew his person, and it was me. By the time Dan got home, he was already asking me why I didn't just bring the dog home, because I was obviously going to adopt him. I felt terrible that he would think he picked me, and I rejected him. I contacted the rescue person that night, and we set a time for me to pick him up the next day.
I thought when I saw him again, maybe I would feel differently, but from the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew he was mine. He ran to me when they set him down, and he jumped into my arms and my life as if he knew that was where he belonged. I felt a joy and a peace buckling him into his car seat for the first time that I hadn't felt in a long time, and it was good.
He is not perfect. There have been hard times in his life recently, and he is the sum of his experiences, as we all are. But he is learning quickly, and is a perfect addition to our home. He and the cat are figuring things out, slowly but surely. (It has so far involved a combination of touching noses, smelling butts, chasing each other, hissing, slapping, jumping and barking, but no actual contact!) He has some issues that will need work, but nothing that can't be overcome with some love and gentle correction. He is smart, loving, meek, playful, funny and charming, and he is just what I needed to make my life complete again.
I cannot replace what I have lost, and I wouldn't even try. TidBit and Gizmo (and Meow and Cleo and Petite and Max and all the others) will always remain in my heart for their own unique selves, and they cannot be replaced by anyone, ever. But my heart continues to expand, and I find, once again, that there is room for one more to love. Chance and Pinocchio are finding their own places in this heart of mine, and my life is all the better for it.
In the past, I have always thought I made the choice, but this time, Pinocchio chose me. It is a special story, and a special thing, to be the chosen one.
