You are enough....

I am not quite sure how it happened, but I got into a cycle of reels on my facebook account while I was scrolling recently, and while it would seem I have nothing in common with the subject, I have been quite surprised to find that, on the contrary, I have quite a lot of unexpected understanding.  The reels are from the TLC show Curvy Brides, which was on some time ago, and was hosted by Jo Cooke and Alison Law, who are, I have to say, amazing life coaches, in addition to the bridal consulting they were doing.

The premise is that plus sized brides deserve to have choices in making the most important clothing selection of their lives without fear or judgement, and their boutique in Essex provides that.  My heart has repeatedly broken watching these videos, as beautiful young women reveal to Jo and especially Ali their fears, lack of body confidence, feeling unloved because of their weight, etc.  What has surprised me, though, is how much I relate to everything they are saying.  Every single word resonates for me.

Iceburg in a Titanic World...

 Many years ago, I was going through a very difficult time in my life.  A lot of people had a lot of opinions on what was happening, but very few of those people knew much of the story, much less the whole story.  Even my closest friends didn't really know everything, because you never really do, right?  Closed doors don't just keep people out.  They also serve as barriers to keep people in, and when we are in messy places, all too often we want to hide the mess behind a barrier, because, you know, people are judgy, and who needs that when you are already judging yourself?

Anyway, I just read something that really resonated for me, and thought I would share a few thoughts about it.  

You don't owe anyone your story.  Let me repeat, with emphasis.  You. Don't. Owe. Anyone. Your. Story.

Burdens of the heart...

I have been watching a show recently that has slowly changed my entire vision of empathy.  I am a naturally empathetic person, I think, and my life has had some hard moments, which give me insight into other people's painful situations which accentuate that trait.  So it is generally easy for me to feel empathy for others.  But in watching this show about people struggling with a condition that is completely unfamiliar to me, I find myself in new territory.  And I have had a slow realization.

We do not have to walk a mile in someone's shoes to understand their pain is real.  In fact, it makes no difference at all if we have any idea of what they are going through.  Because their pain is real to them, and it should still matter to us, if we have any ounce of humanity in us.  Even if we don't understand it, have never felt it, can't relate to it, even if we don't think its that big of a deal, even, and this is the big one here for me, because I tend to engage in a lot of self-blame, if it is self-inflicted, their pain is still legitimate, its still big to them, and its still a burden on their heart.  Isn't that really all we need to know?

Advice to my younger self...

I recently turned 65, and it has been a trigger for a lot of introspective thinking.  I have looked back over a relatively long life, and thought about all the decisions I've made, all the things that have happened, and my hopes for the future.  One thing I've thought about a lot is what advice I wish I could have given myself back then, when I was 19 or 20 and making major life decisions that would direct or affect the entire course of my life, but I just didn't know enough to realize it or understand the importance of it all.  So here are some thoughts on what advice I would give my 18 year old self.

Choose a major that will get you a satisfying career right out of college.  Research your hidden interests and strengths, and don't be afraid to explore the things that you didn't know you were good at.  Don't accept other people's opinons and judgements of your strengths, because they don't see all of you and usually have a hidden preconception that blinds them to your realities.  Don't worry about starting salary, but do worry about average salary ten years down the road, because that is when you will be making mortgage payments and raising children and saving for their college and your retirement, and by then it is a lot harder to make changes.

Family affair!

This past weekend we had a mini family reunion.  It is summer in Minnesota, and a busy time for everyone trying to pack in the maximum activity time while the weather is warm, so getting people together can be challenging.  But several of my cousins, their children and their grandchildren managed to get together at our family farm (been in the family for almost 150 years now) and spend a little time reminniscing and catching up.

In the midst of the celebration, something occurred to me.  The house looked nice, but not perfect.  The rain caused some issues.  The house isn't really big enough, so some people ended up eating on the wrap around porch while others were gathered around the buffet inside.  (That made getting seconds easier, of course!)  The grass was wet, but the kids didn't care, and the barn, although messy, was still a real working barn with cats and cows and calves and a pig or two and the rope swing in the haymow still works!

We don't need perfection to have a good time.  If we wait for the perfect moment, it will never come.  If we try to get everyone, we will have no one.  In this day of disconnection, we have to connect when we can, even if its not possible to have everyone every time.  If the house is messy, does it really matter?  Does anyone remember that my mom has stuff piled up in her bedroom because she hasn't got enough space to put everything away after 99 years of living, most of them in that very house?

What I remember is laughing together as memories were shared.  Eating a great meal prepared by everyone. Enjoying the time together with people I love and don't see nearly often enough.  Honoring grandparents I never knew who started the ball rolling by having our parents.  Seeing yet another generation introduced to the farm where our roots run deep and wide.

Don't wait for the right moment.  That moment is now.  Nike had it right.  Just do it.  And take lots of photos to share around.  You won't regret it.