I am not sure what is driving it, but recently there have been a lot of memes on my facebook about missing someone, and how nice it would be to have one more hour with that person who is missed. I have thought a lot about it in the past few days, because today, January 4, 2025, would have been my dad's 102nd birthday, and I always think a lot about him at this time of year.
It is bittersweet, in some ways, to remember his birthday. He has been gone longer, 52 years now, than he was alive (he was just 50 when he suddenly died.) He was a wonderful father, and of course I loved him beyond what words can express, but at 12, I had hardly begun to know him when he was taken from us. He didn't have nearly enough time to tell me everything that a father wants to tell his daughter, and because I didn't have him, I am not sure I even know what it would have been.
So anyway, I have been thinking a lot about that meme, and wondering how I would spend that hour with my father. What would I ask him? What do I want to know that only he could tell me? Or would I waste time asking questions when I could have one more all encompassing embrace? After 52 years, what would it mean to me to spend an hour with my dad? Would the 64 year old me even know what to say to the dad I only remember as a child?
My answer finally came to me, and it wasn't at all what I was originally thinking. The answer, I know in my heart, is that my dad would want me to spend that hour with my mom, the woman he chose to be his wife, his helpmate, his lover, his best friend, his constant companion in life. That he loved her fully and completely was never in question. He showed it in every word and deed. He was always kind, gentle, loving and thoughtful towards my mother, and would not tolerate any disrespect from us towards her, either. Yes, the answer was always in front of me - he would want me to care for her as he no longer could; not to waste time on what I don't have, but rather, to cherish what I do have.
So today, on another birthday without him, I took my mother to lunch, and we remembered him together. With some laughter and some tears, we brought him to life again for an hour or so, because as long as someone is remembered, they live on in the hearts of those who loved them. Mom told me about him, things I didn't know and had never thought to ask before. And she smiled and felt joy in the memories of a happy time in her life when she was his wife.
Happy birthday, Daddy. You are so loved and missed today. You took a piece of our hearts with you when you left us, and that wound hurts today, but you left a piece of your heart with each one of us, too, and that helps to heal the wound. I am doing my best to care for Mom for you until you meet again in heaven. I loved that time with her today, when I felt your presence with us in Mom's happy smile, and a few tears. You are always in my heart.
With love.
