It has come to my attention that my picayune scribblings have, shall we say, addled, perhaps confused, or most likely befuddled, a certain segment of the readership of this little bit of nonsense upon which I endow all my wit and charm each day. To that end, a glossary of terms is herewith offered to accommodate the challenges faced by the less literate members of my public. [One could, if one wanted, choose a name at random here. Maybe Dave. I dunno, but I think Dave works really well right here in this spot. Not that there is a Dave out there that requested a glossary or anything. Because if there was, I would be the last one to mock and humiliate him with a public disclosure of his ignorance.] One can only hope that the level of alliteration amongst my readers will increase dramatically with the exposure, thus rendering the entire exercise worthwhile.
I am the kind of writer that works hard to fulfill the needs of all my faithful readers whose wives force them to listen to my bloviations at cell point. Thus, here you will find a transliteration of the words with which, I suspect, someone named Dave may be having the greatest difficulty.
You: Pronoun, meaning someone other than one's own self. I see why that's going to be a struggle, so perhaps we should move on and try something a little easier.
Humor: Noun, a type of interaction that tickles one's funny bone, if one is fortunate enough to have one. If not, then it simply makes your face look like you just tasted sour milk, but I'm sure there is no one in my reading public that would fit that description. Certainly not anyone named Dave.
Intellectual: Adjective, refers to someone who challenges their brain to higher level thinking. This does not mean sitting on one's deck overlooking a lake, although you do get half a point for reading my blog while you do it, since I work hard to keep things educational.
Virtually: Adjective, describes something that appears to be real, but it has not been confirmed. You could use this in a sentence, such as, I am friends with virtually every Dave who is married to one of my relatives. In this case, it is not clear what Dave I might be referring to, since no last names have been used, and I may have more than one relative married to a Dave. It's a common name, I have lots of relatives, could be anyone really, but if the shoe fits....
Prostrate: [Not to be confused with prostate, which is something that I will save for another time, although many men are prostrate with fear when they have prostate problems. But I may be drifting a little off task here.] Verb, meaning to throw oneself flat on the ground with the face down in submission or adoration. Thus, to once again use this in a sentence, Dave fell prostrate before my intellectual superiority. Of course, this is a just a random Dave, not anyone I know personally. But if I did personally know a Dave, I would certainly expect some prostration after having a whole blog post dedicated to him. I'd expect flowers, too. Alstromeria, daisies, purple, you decide.
Princess: Noun, meaning female member of a royal family. Certainly not a term that could be applied to any Dave I know. Although if it was, it would involve a shiny crown and a girl with a very smart mouth who is not me.
Presume: Verb, meaning that you take something to be the case in the absence of evidence to the contrary. Some people presume that they are important because they don't have anyone like me to cut them down to size. If you were named Dave, see how lucky you would be? While less fortunate people get to walk around with big egos fully intact, any Dave in question would be thoroughly chastened by my witty repartee.
Congratulations, you have now reached the advanced round of this vocabulary challenge, where I will define a couple of phrases that could have tripped you up.
Witty Repartee: Verb modified with an adjective. Witty is a word commonly associated with humor, and refers to something clever being said. Repartee refers to a swift reply, often in response to something witty. Thus, a witty repartee refers to an especially humorous exchange between someone who is intellectually superior and someone who is prostrate with envy over it. [Notice how I work in previous words for valuable review?]
Phasianidae hunting: Noun, verb. To transliterate, that means pheasant hunting. Which is accomplished by getting up at the crack of dawn, driving for an hour, walking endlessly all day through weeds and fields, only to show up empty handed at the farm of a mature relative who pretends she likes you enough to give you pie. And who, I might just add, has a lovely daughter that is just the teeniest bit resentful about it.
I am sure that I may have missed one or two words or phrases, for which someone who may or may not be named Dave may require further elucidation. I do not feel any responsibility for additional illumination, however. I reiterate, if you need vocabulary training to peruse my simple natterings, then you aren't even smarter than I am, which isn't something I would imagine anyone named Dave would ever want to admit publicly. But if he did, I would suggest he needs to get off the online blogs and into a library, where he can read Serious Literature and learn a thing or two. Not that I would ever make fun of someone named Dave.
I would never get that Lowe.
