I have been known to say, on occasions of great frustration, that dogs are easier than kids, because when you are mad at them, you can just put them in their kennel and go take a walk. The people to whom I have uttered this statement always know where I'm coming from, and know that I would never do such a thing to a child, no matter how angry or frustrated I felt. [It is ridiculous that I feel required to offer this disclaimer, but given the situation I'm discussing, I thought I should make it clear, just in case someone who doesn't know me happens across this post and gets the wrong idea.] I believe in the inherent dignity of a human being, in addition to the obvious wrong inherent in such an act, and doing such a thing would violate everything that I believe in and stand for in my life.
But it seems we live in a world in which mothers commit much more horrendous acts on an ever increasingly frequent basis, and I am dismayed and disturbed and very distressed to observe the degeneration. How did we get to a point where a 22 year old woman could "lose" her own child, and then party for a month, before suddenly being all about finding her, coincidentally at just the moment that her own mother called in the police?
In a press conference, her attorney defended his client, telling us that she is a child herself, as though, even if it were true, which at 22, is ridiculous, that fact would somehow excuse the 30 days of irresponsible behavior that preceded her sudden interest in her missing offspring. If that is her defense, she had best make her peace with the world, because she won't be seeing the free light of day again in this lifetime.
Motherhood has been called the highest calling, but personally, I consider it the hardest calling. It is a 24/7, relentless assault on your entire being, affecting the very core of your selfness. In a single moment, that moment you find out your life is forever changed, it is an overwhelming, bewildering, euphoric, unaccountable feeling, one that exceeds the ability of words to describe. Suddenly, where nothing existed before, there is another life that you are charged with protecting, nurturing, rearing.
For most of us, that powerful moment forever changes our perspective on everything. And we are thrilled beyond words about it. All those years of playing house with our dolls has now come true, and we couldn't be happier, whether we planned it right then or not. And let's be real here, most of us happen upon parenthood by accident, whatever our dreams for the far-off future. I think that might be the first lesson in parenting, actually. Never plan on anything going the way you think it will, because kids have definitely not read the manual, and they never do what you think they will.
We no longer see the world as it affects our own lives, we evaluate it as it will affect the tiny life that is within. We stop drinking coffee, and we watch what we eat. Suddenly, world peace is personal, and you worry about chemicals in the water and pollution in the air. While we complain about the aches and pains and annoyances of pregnancy, we also revel in the outfitting of a nursery and enjoy the fuss and pampering to which we feel our blessed state entitles us.
When we hear of someone like Casey Anthony, I cannot help but think of people I know who would have literally done anything, sacrificed everything, given up whatever was asked of them, in order to have a child of their own to love and care for. I imagine how great the hurt must be, to see another woman toss away their child like a piece of trash.
And the tremendous support Casey has received from her obviously grieving parents is amazing to me, also. They clearly miss Caylee desperately, even as they love their own daughter and try to give her support and comfort in the midst of the pain that she is obviously feeling now. That is the heartache and heartbreak of parenting, that desire to protect and defend, even when you know they are dreadfully, criminally wrong. Casey evidently had good role models, and a lot of support, which should have been enough to at least ensure her own daughter's physical safety, if not her emotional well-being.
I won't be on the jury, so I feel I am not out of line in having the opinion that Casey Anthony clearly murdered her own child, because Caylee was a nuisance to a young woman who thought partying was more important that nurturing. And I feel angry that Casey Anthony was allowed to keep a child she clearly did not want and refused to accept as the life changing event that in fact, having a baby is.
Where have we, as a nation of compassionate people, gone wrong? Because whatever else you say about Americans, we are a compassionate people. Although we may gripe long and loud about welfare programs and government give-aways, when it comes down to the human level, we also support food shelves and homeless programs with donations that reach into the hundreds of millions of dollars a year. We look into the face of a homeless child and we hurt and want to help.
And yet we have been forced to pass laws allowing women to dump their own offspring at hospitals without fear of being charged with a crime, because otherwise they may end up in tomorrow's trash. How does that happen in a society where help is always available a click or a phone call away?
I don't honestly believe that young women who commit those acts don't know or are so afraid that they can't make any other decision. The information is out there, available everywhere, and they have nine months, or realistically, at least seven, to come to grips with it. I think there is a lot of denial, of course, but mostly, I think in our throwaway society, where life is increasingly cheap, we have failed to instill the message in some of our young people that you do have to be accountable for your mistakes, that you don't get a do-over in life, that being young and irresponsible is not an excuse for being criminal, and that if you cannot accept the natural consequences of your actions, you had best not act that way.
I don't know whether it's national news or if it has gotten our attention more locally because it's happening fairly close by, but Nebraska passed a law this year that allows parents to drop their child at a hospital without fear of retribution or criminal charges for the act, if they no longer want to be parents to that kid. While the law was clearly aimed at mothers of newborns, it has not worked out that way. Instead, I believe there have been 17 kids dropped off to date, only two of them infants, and almost half of them from one family ranging in age all the way up to 17.
All other issues aside, and parental reasoning not being taken into account for the moment, what would it do to a 17 year old to be dumped off like so much dirty laundry on the side of life's highway, as though a soul was no more meaningful that an unwanted pet? To say that I am dumbfounded by the act is not strong enough. And while there were some genuine reasons for that father to be overwhelmed, for certain, why were there no services available to help him get through his family crisis before it got to this point?
And yet, he didn't abuse his children, he didn't murder them in cold blood, he didn't abandon them on the street to face unknown dangers. He was wrong, but at least he protected them physically from danger, the very minimum one could ask for in a parent. I don't give him much credit, he should have looked for help and support sooner, and in a more practical way, before things got so out of control, but you have to acknowledge that at least he took care to get them somewhere safely.
What then, do we say about someone like Casey Anthony? She is the reason that Kate and Gerry McCann were immediately tarnished as murderers when their daughter, Madeline, disappeared in Portugal. It wasn't a random selection in any way. It was based on the statistical reality that when a child disappears, most of the time, the parent or step-parent or significant other of the biological parent is at fault.
We, as a nation of compassionate people, MUST learn from these cases, and we must put some sort of check or balance into place that will keep these events from happening. It is not only for the sake of the child involved, it is for the sake of us all. Jesus admonished us to care for the sick and the weak and the hungry, and that by doing so, we were caring for him as well. What have we done, when we have allowed a Casey Anthony to happen?
I don't have the answers. I am not an expert in child issues, I am just a single mom who cares, deeply, about what this event says about us as as human beings. Wherever you stand on abortion, I wish we could focus a little harder on the children who are already here and unwanted, those who are considered a nuisance, those whose own parents literally wish them dead.
Murder is as old as Cain and Abel, and lying about it started one moment after Abel was struck down. But I believe the dignity of a human being requires us to answer for the murder of a three year old by her own mother. I believe that ultimately the worth of a society is measured by how it treats its most vulnerable citizens. I wonder how we will be judged.
