There is a time honored tradition amongst those who celebrate the holiday of Christmas, [as opposed to the "Winter Holiday" observed by popular culture these days.] The house is torn apart, and every single item on display is replaced with something red, green and festive, exhausting the women of the family before the holiday itself even arrives. This is an undertaking of hours and days and weeks duration, involving billions of dollars collectively, requiring ridiculous amounts of hard work, only to take it all apart again in just a few short weeks, reversing the work so recently accomplished.
I wonder if men have even a small idea of the exhaustion experienced by the women of the household as they prepare for the greatest show on earth. Apologies to Barnum and Bailey, but the circus has nothing on the three ring spectacular known as the Christmas holiday season, written and directed by women of the family, and merchants, everywhere.
From Thanksgiving to Christmas, it's a non-stop whirlwind of decorating, shopping, baking and twinkling lights, and the entire production is generally written, directed, produced and acted out by the legions of women running the family show the world over, with dads playing a minor supporting role. (Ah, those twinkling lights. Which, I am happy to report, are, in fact, still twinkling, at least in my case. I wish you luck with yours.)
I suppose that could be construed as a sexist remark, but in all honesty, who does the Christmas preparation in your household? When you think of your growing up years, who do you associate with all the sights and sounds of Christmas in your house? That's what I thought.
In my household, there is no "Father" figure any more. Actually, if you asked any of us, we would have to acknowledge that there never was, but that's another story. I do all the preparation work by default, just as I always have. From Thanksgiving to Christmas, it has always been my arena, and now that I am broke and have no time, it is more challenging than ever. Santa Claus, where are you? I don't want my two front teeth for Christmas, I want more hours in the day. Or perhaps two extra hands. And if you wanted to pad my bank account, I wouldn't object to that, either.
Not to digress, but my lovely teen aged daughter has a fetish for outside lights on houses. And I do mean ON the houses. It is not enough for her to throw some strings of lights on the bushes and call it a [cold] day. She would prefer to have the Griswald's come to life in our own household, and to light up the neighborhood with the results of our hard effort. To make a long story short, that isn't going to happen. Ever.
I have patiently explained to her many times that while women can, indeed, do anything they set their minds to, putting up lights on the house is a "dad" job. I don't want to discourage her from thinking that she can do anything interesting that she wants to do in her own life, I just want her to understand that if you want lights on your house, you need to marry wisely. A lesson I really wish I had learned earlier rather than later, so hopefully she will benefit by my abysmal example.
I am not sexist, you understand, I am parentist. I believe there are certain roles for which one parent or the other is simply better suited by nature. Lights on a house falls under the father category, as does trimming the tree trunk before sticking it into the stand. (Since we are short one father, we simply use the circular saw, which is cheaper and more efficient than my ex, Mr. Handy, and the crow bar and hand saw routine he used to employ.)
One of the sweetest things my daughter has ever said to me is that she wishes for me that someday I would have a man in my life that would put lights on my house. It was a wistful statement, and held a lot more than the simple words on their surface, of course. I knew exactly what she meant, and it makes me melt even now, just to think about it.
You may well be wondering what falls under the mother category. In the case of Christmas, the answer would be pretty much everything else. Which brings me to yesterday.
I spent all day, when I would rather have been writing on my blog, [obviously, keeping in touch with the many fans family wide who read my meanderings assiduously,] redecorating my living room to bring the festive nature of the season to the heart of our little abode. I worked my fingers to the bone, went up and down the ladder, and up and down the stairs, approximately 5,000 times, in order to make the house seasonal and celebratory.
I decorated the family room first to make it fun for the onslaught of teens rapidly heading in my direction. I strung the garland, hung the paper snowflakes, cleared and dusted and redecorated the entire room, making it a veritable festivity central. Which must have been appreciated, since they were here until the wee hours, long after Santa would have gotten bored and gone home, leaving stockings unfilled, if it were Christmas Eve.
Then I moved on the living room. More hauling, more climbing, more decorating. You never really know how much stuff you have until you start pulling it all out to decorate for Christmas. I recall when I was little looking into the boxes that came down from the cold upstairs, filled with the treasures of Christmas. It was always so exciting to see them appear, you knew good things were in store sooner rather than later. But there would still be things in the bottom of the box, and I couldn't understand why my mother didn't put up every last thing she owned.
Now that I have grown up, I find that I, too, leave things in the bottom of the box. There are simply too many things to put them all out. I have lighting and other things that there is just no place for any more, but I can't bear to discard it, either. So instead, I hang on to it, just in case the day arrives when it will once again be appropriate in my home. I am learning from my mother, it seems, to the detriment of my basement space.
Thus I find myself this morning, sitting in my newly redecorated space, happily enjoying the beauty of the surroundings, and feeling more festive just to look around. I put another number on my advent calendar, bringing me one day closer to the magical day of Christmas. I am reminded, through the nativity sets that I have set up in the middle of my room, what the real reason for the season is, whose advent we are celebrating. I see a few small gifts under the tree, offerings of love to my family to let them know that I care about them, and cherish their joy more than anything.
And I realize, once again, that I am lucky to be the mom, the purveyor of the family dreams and traditions, the one around whom the outward, secular celebration of Christmas, at least in my household, swirls. My family's joy and fun and happiness in this season are augmented by the hours of work and effort that I put into it, and that is my reward. Parentist though it may be, my children will never be without the memories of my hard work and extra efforts, even when I am long gone. Sometimes it is good to be the mom.
Most times, really. Except at 2:30 in the morning when some goofy boy shows up unannounced to throw wood chips at the window of your teenaged daughter, like some love struck Cyrano de Bergerac on a hormone high. That is a dad thing to handle, and since we are one short, I have to fill in, and it's not my deal AT ALL. But anyway....
Like most women, when I sit back on Christmas Day and think about how everything went for us this year, I can feel the satisfaction of a holiday season well done. The cards got written and mailed, the baking will get done [thanks, Mom,] the decorations were put up, the tree was acquired, the stockings were filled, the gifts which betoken our love for one another were duly appreciated, pictures will have been snapped, and at the bottom of it all, the hard work will have been worth it, because the people I love most will have had one more Christmas to add to their storehouse of memories.
