Five years ago today, the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to us happened - Prince Charming jumped on the nearest passing horse and rode off into the forest with the wicked witch and her shiny, red, and ultimately poisonous, apple. What? Life isn't a fairy tale?
In that case, five years ago today, my husband of 20 years, the father of my children, the architect of our life as we knew it, walked out the door and into what he so charmingly referred to as his "New start."
For those who don't know him, he was serious. He seems to have been under the impression that if you really, really wanted to, you could stop your old life and start a new one seamlessly, effortlessly, and with no collateral damage. Like a mulligan on life, or something.
I only bring this up in case someone reading this has the same delusional game plan for their life [and the lives of their family, because whatever you are telling yourself, it WILL affect them.] Allow me to give you the benefit of my hard earned experience - telling the wife and kids that it's not about them, it's about you, does not make anyone feel one iota better about your choice.
I would like to think my own wayward prince been enlightened now, but enough about him.
For anyone who may stumble across this and has been left choking on the dust as the king or queen of their own personal kingdom rides away, I want you to know one thing. [Enough allegory, I'm serious here.] You will gradually have less and less times when you hurt so bad you can't even breathe, and you will have more and more times when you laugh and feel okay about your life, until one day, somewhere around the two to three year mark, probably, you will realize you have gone all day without thinking about it, or him/her, and you will realize that you are, in the words of the most famous song in television history, "Going to make it after all."
Just don't go to Nicollet Avenue and throw your cloche in the air, because Minnesotans are pretty tired of that, and don't think it's cute any more.
Whatever you may think about President Obama, [and there is a wide range of opinions out there, I know,] he hit on the very combination of words that describe the best qualities of the human spirit - audacious and hopeful. No matter what has happened in our lives, somehow most human beings manage to sort it out, work it through, and arrive on the other side of the problem ready to move forward and keep on going. I am constantly amazed by that, and although each of us has a different method for surviving, they all have one thing in common - the audacious hope that life will be better if we just keep on trying.
On a day that I saw my family's world fall apart, I was still able to look forward and know that someday our lives would be better for having gone through that difficult time. That is audaciousness at it's finest, and I suspect that everyone who has ever gone through it has felt the same way, sooner or later. Hope springs eternal is not just a cliche after all.
Think about the people you see on television who have just been through crisis or catastrophe. You rarely hear them say, "I am giving up," or "I quit on life." Instead, you hear them talk about how it could have been worse, what they still have, how they will go forward - all positive signs that they realize that the future will someday overcome the moment. Audacity of hope in the flesh.
I could talk about the events of that day five years ago, or the events that followed, but that is our personal family history, and if you don't already know about it, then you probably are not on the list of those who need to know. Unlike a reality show, I believe there are some things that should be kept to ourselves, and not spread around the globe for the entertainment of others.
But one thing I will share with you, and if you are going through your own hard time, perhaps you can gain some courage from these words and live your own life with audacious hope - whatever heartache you are currently experiencing is only a brief moment in a whole life. You will get through it. You will laugh, and find joy, and have moments of peace and contentment again. Although your life may be forever changed, and it will not necessarily be a trouble free path, you will somehow find your way, and your journey will make you a smarter, more thoughtful, more compassionate person.
I audaciously wish you the hope of better days to come.
