When I was a child, the lazy days of summer were just that - a lazy, sun drenched oasis of relaxation in the midst of life. I devoted myself to reading books, laying in the sun, drinking my mom's special, and most delicious iced tea, and doing pretty much whatever I wanted for months on end. Looking back, it was idyllic, the serenity of the farm where I grew up covering me like a gentle blanket warm from the dryer.
As I got older, summer represented time to work extra hours, make more money, and try to get enough spending money for college, when I was chronically short of funds. (Much like now, but more tolerable then.)
In addition, I took summer school classes, trying hard to graduate in four years, despite changing my major several times. It was not lazy or relaxing in those years, it was stressful and busy, and fall came as a sort of relief valve from all the frenetic activity.
Grad school, which also came with marriage and motherhood, was busy all the time, as I learned to balance school, work and being a young mom. I no longer had the luxury of a minute to myself, and all my waking, (and half my sleeping) hours revolved around meeting the needs of other people. It was satisfying to see my little guy growing and learning and maturing so rapidly, but serene it wasn't.
When he was five, I became an at home mom, and learned about yet another kind of busy, especially once the next child put in her appearance. My home and family were my job, and I spent my time working hard to be sure that they had everything I could give them. We went to the zoo and the park and the pool. We enjoyed reading and playing games and playing outside.
I built a sandbox, and did elaborate landscaping. I cooked meals and planned parties and volunteered tirelessly at both church and school, trying the help make life better for everyone around me. It was rewarding work, and I enjoyed every second of it. But there are stresses even in volunteering, and being an at home mom can be lonely and boring, at times, too.
Eventually, the divorce hit me upside the head, and I had to make yet another change. Suddenly, I was the breadwinner, and it has been no easy task. As everyone who knows me has seen, I have struggled to find my way as a single mom. It is not easy to switch gears so rapidly, and the path has been strewn with more boulders than seems absolutely necessary. Time is something in short supply when you are trying to build up a sales-related business, and I haven't truly relaxed in years. There are a few lazy days thrown in, to be sure, but they are spent at the cost of a guilt trip that never seems to end.
Now that my children are both grown and out of the house, the days are back to just me, lazy or not at my whim. It's a new sort of alone, as my children are now doing the college juggle, trying to make money and still come home and see their friends. They are in and out, but they are independent, so I am now able to make my own plans and do my own thing in my own time, without regard for what other people are needing or wanting or doing. It's a new way of life, and I'm enjoying the solitude and peace once again.
Life is circular, I have learned, and eventually you meet yourself where you started. It's not exactly the same - I'm a lot older and a lot wiser, and there is no doubt that the years have taught me a lot. I have more responsibilities than I did when I was young, but I also have more freedom to do as I please, without regard for what anyone else wants.
Life is circular in a lot of ways, actually. People are born as others die. People graduate and leave home as others start kindergarten. Children become parents who become caretakers for their own parents.
I watch young parents with their offspring, and feel a little nostalgic for the days when I was the center of the universe for my own family. I know how quickly those years fly by, and want to tell young people to treasure these moments, because they will be gone too soon.
It is September, and summer will soon be wrapping up its sunny warmth in a crisp blanket of fallen leaves, swept aside in a seasonal dance. The crisp air will begin to bite at my nose when I let the dogs out in the morning, and I will need to throw on a jacket to go watch them from the deck. In the blink of an eye, the leaves will begin their final curtain call before they are swept aside by winter's arctic fingers blasting us from the north. I will miss the heat and the more casual atmosphere of summer, now my favorite season of the year.
But fall is a time of new opportunity, along with the smell of fresh crayons and new pink erasers and football and the sounds of the marching band practicing in the distance. It can be invigorating to have new challenges and new interests to pursue.
I have never been one to embrace change, and I would rather the dog days of summer last until the sun reveals it's summer wardrobe once again. I will accept the changing seasons, and the new opportunities they bring with them. But I will miss you, lazy days of summer. Come again soon!
