I first wrote this as a Facebook post a few years ago, and I think it was pretty good, if I do say so myself. But I decided I needed to edit it and add a happy update. So this time, I will put it in the blog, and it will be preserved for my kids forever.
That is the best thing about a blog, by the way. When I am gone, they will have this writing to look at, and they will be able to hear, in my own voice, my thoughts and feelings. If you don't write a blog, I encourage you to take it up. It is good for the soul, and a way to give your children a piece of you that will never go away. This post is, I guess, my Valentine to my Valentine's!
My mother was my first Valentine. She taught me more about love than anyone could ever imagine. She took a child born to someone else and made that child entirely her own. Like all mothers, she sacrificed and struggled at times, and I am quite sure, if you looked at things on a balance sheet, she did not get an ideal return on the investment. But that didn't matter, because she is a mom, and moms don't expect that. Moms know that you love them as best you can, and they love you with their entire being, which is enough love to go around.
I love my mom with my whole heart, and I couldn't see how I could love another person as much as I loved her.
Then I had children of my own.
I gazed at the face of my newborn son and discovered an entirely different sort of love, one of hope and joy and fear. And I thought that was it, the ultimate in love. Surely it couldn't be possible to love anyone else as much and as fiercely as I loved him.
Then, six years later, I saw my daughter's little face, and her tiny little fingers and toes, so perfect and small, and her little body that I could hold in my hand, and I realized I was wrong. She was 4 pounds of perfection, and I loved her more fiercely than I could ever have imagined.
With each child, I discovered a whole new dimension of love. It was the selfless love of motherhood, in its many forms. It was life coming full circle.
It has been such a privilege to be their first Valentine, the one who taught them about love. Each and every heartbeat of time, from the moment I found out I was going to be a mom, has been intertwined with two of the most delightful, generous, loving people imaginable.
And then, when I thought my life was complete and my heart was certainly too full to add anything more, I was lucky enough to marry a man who loves the flawed, weary me, just as I am. He has taught me yet another way to love, a way I didn't know I could love another person, and has brought something to my life I have been searching for since I was young adult.
I thought surely, now, my heart was filled to overflowing, but, as it turns out, I was wrong again. Because then I became a grandmama, and discovered an entirely new kind of love in my world. Grandchildren are a whole new adventure in love, and it is indescribable. Once again, you count the fingers and toes, see the tiny little nose and sweet little lips, you kiss the fuzzy head, and you hold this new life in your arms, and your heart melts completely. They are the love of your love, a new generation of hopefulness, and their place in your heart is immediate and complete. I can't imagine my life without seeing the smiles and hearing the squeals of my beautiful grandsons, which light up my day whenever I see them. Time spent with them is surely the closest I will get to heaven on earth!
My Valentine to my mom is my children, who were loved as I was loved. She gave me the roadmap, and everything I have done right was due, in large part, to her amazing example. I am sorry I was ever 15, and I have spent the last 30 years trying to make up for it. Haha. But I learned. And I used what I learned. And they are the result, not just of their own choices, or even my parenting, but of her parenting of me. I think we have done pretty well! I hope my beautiful daughter, and her precious husband, will continue the journey, taking with them what we offered up, their parents and grandparents, and improve upon our work. (See below!)
My Valentine to my children is my life, which has been lived with each of them first and foremost in my mind since the moment they were known to me. I have done the best I could each and every moment of their lives. Sometimes I have failed, but I have never once stopped trying to be the best mom I could be, because they are deserving of that and more.
My Valentine to my husband is myself today, a wiser version of the self he knew when we were children, one who can fully appreciate the many qualities he brings to my life. He is my gift from God, and I am filled with gratitude for his place in my life.
And now my child has given me two Valentines in return, the children she and her husband have been blessed with, as delightful as they are themselves. It is a privilege to be Grandmama, and to see these young adults loving those little boys as they, themselves, have been loved. They are continuing the journey, indeed, and improving on our work as they follow their own adventure in parenting, teaching their children to be as generous of spirit, loving in actions, and caring of others as they are, themselves.
Happy Valentine's Day to all my Valentines. I love each one of you today and always.
