I realized something a few days ago that I wish I had cottoned onto many years ago, when I still had people around as resources. I am a slow learner, and now, I fear, it is too late. So I am sharing my failure, hoping that someone else can learn from it, so you won't have to regret it later!
I never got to know any of my grandparents. I have heard stories from various people, but didn't know any of them personally, because they all crossed The Great Divide either before I was born, or when I was a little tot.
In particular, I don't know much about my dad's side of the family, probably in part because he died very young, and I lost that part of his story in the aftermath. I am especially fascinated by my dad's mother because of the bits and pieces I have picked up from different sources which make me want to know more. I have heard my cousins's views, and my brother's, and my mom's, but that's about it. I have never talked to anyone who was there during her childhood, or her young adulthood. I did have extended family available to talk to, her brother and sisters and cousins and other relatives, all easily accessible and living in the town where I grew up, but for whatever reason (read, I was clueless,) it never occurred to me to do so.
Fast forward.... Today my dad's cousin, aged 99, was laid to rest. I knew she was dad's cousin, but it was simply a fact, not something I really thought about in any way, until she died. Suddenly, now that it is too late, it dawned on me that she would have had the unique perspective of being my grandmother's niece. WHY did I never talk to her about my grandmother ( and my grandmother's sisters, who are also pretty interesting to me)? Why didn't I ask about Grandma's childhood, her friends, her activities, how people saw her, what her personality was like as a young woman, what they liked and didn't like about her, the time they spent together, etc. Certainly her own niece would have given me a different view of my grandmother than anyone else could have.
She grew up in the same small town as my dad, also, just a few years apart in age, and no doubt they saw a lot of each other, because I understand their mothers were close. WHY WHY WHY did I never think until now to ask her about my dad's childhood? She would have known him as a cousin, which is different than a friend or a sibling, and would have given me insight into his early life.
What a missed opportunity for me, and she probably would have enjoyed reminiscing, too. So we both missed out on what could have been a mutually enjoyable experience. Maddening.
My dad's cousin lived her life fully, and I am sad for the loss her family is enduring now. I celebrate her life, because she was a lovely lady well worth celebrating. And I am going to take this lesson and act on it, because there is no time like the present. I only hope its not entirely too late.
