I have often wondered what my life would have looked like if my dad had dwelled on earth longer. I am sure it would have been different, but I wonder how so.... I have missed him so much over the last 47 years. I was thinking about him this morning, and suddenly realized that he has been gone almost as long as his entire life lasted (he had just turned 50 when he suddenly died of an aneurysm.) I am so sad for all he missed, and all we missed with him.
It is so easy to take your parents, at least the good ones, for granted when you have them. They are just so present in your life - always there for you when you need them, even at my current age. I can't fathom my life without my mom to turn to, because she has been my rock and my anchor for my entire life.
But dad? Well, he is not forgotten, of course, but not entirely present in my head, either. He is largely a mystery to me, forever the person he was to me when I was 12. I wish I could have known him as an adult, when we would have been able to meet more as equals and friends. The progression of your relationship with your parents grows as you mature, and I am missing that mature vision of my dad. When I think about what he would have thought or felt, I have some missing pieces, and if I am honest, I really don't know a lot of the time. I could have used that information a few times in my life, I think. I would like to know the real person, for better and for worse, instead of the perfect ghost I have in my mind's eye.
But one thing I do know - he was way ahead of his time in the father arena. There are a lot of people who still remember all the time he spent with them as kids, setting up pick up baseball games and Scouting and church Luther League activities and taking nieces and nephews fishing and a whole host of other things, all to benefit the kids he knew and cared about, especially his own children. In a day when fathers were mostly the breadwinners, removed and somewhat distant from the daily activities of children's lives, he instinctively understood how critical that fatherly attention was to growing well rounded adults, and he consistently made the effort to spend time with my brother and me, every single day we had, no matter how busy he was. It made a huge difference to a lot of people's lives, even if it was too fast.
Shortly before my dad died, he was working on one of our farm vehicles in front of the barn. I was outside with him, as I usually was, and he called me over and explained exactly what he was doing, and why it was important. He wasn't general - he specifically went over all the parts and the function and purpose of each, so I would really understand what he was doing and why. That was how he was with me - informative, instructive, and patiently imparting wisdom. It was one of the last things we did together, and I have always been grateful, because that tiny little bit of knowledge has given me power in an area where my ability is otherwise limited. When I take my vehicle into the shop, I understand at least a little but of what they are telling me, and it has kept me from getting taken advantage of more than once over the years. It was a minor moment to him, routine, really, but has impacted me my entire life. It mattered.
Another Father's Day is about to come and go, and once again, I am left wondering about so many things. So, this message is to all you dads out there. Be truly present for your children. They need you, want you and benefit from your active presence in their lives. The more time you spend now, the greater rewards your children will have in the years to come. The relationship you build will sustain your child for a lifetime, however long or short it is. Make it count. You are the only you they will ever have, and it matters in more ways than you will ever know.
Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dads, step-dads and stand in dads out there. Enjoy your special day, and bask in the recognition of your important role in the lives of your family. You make the world a better place.
