I am allergic to bees. Not a little bit allergic; I have a deadly allergy that has landed me in the hospital more than once, struggling to get it under control. Every time I see a bee, I feel a little clutch of fear in my stomach, because it is life and death for me. So I mitigate as best I can by leaving, trying to kill it, removing the source of the attraction, or whatever I can do, but then I carry on.
When I am out with my family or close friends who are aware of my allergy and a bee appears, I have noticed that they get a lot more stressed than I do. It's not that I am cavalier about the risk - I live with it all summer long, and it is a constant worry, even in the house, because you never know when a little bugger will get in. But I have come to accept that risk as a part of living my life, and I am at peace that I have done the best I can to protect myself by carrying my epinephrine at all times (well, usually, anyway, except when I forget) and the rest is in God's hands.
When I am in public, and a bee appears, and someone I don't know sees me freeze up, usually one of two things happens - they either scoff at me as a wimp, or they try to sympathize by telling me they are afraid to get stung, too. While I appreciate the effort (or not,) they don't really understand the quantum difference in our situation. Unless they are allergic, a sting will hurt them for a couple of days. I may die. I wish I could give them understanding, but unless you live it, you just won't. The chasm is too great to leap over.
It has struck me this week that a lot of people are getting a little insight into what it means to live with a compromised immune system, and this is an educational opportunity. It isn't exactly the same, but I am going to take it, anyway, because knowledge is power, and education is always good.
I have an auto-immune condition. There are a lot of ways it complicates my life, but I have learned to live with it. I do what I can to mitigate the effects and the risks, because I am not done with this life yet. And then I carry on, because that is the only way forward.
One of the complications of auto-immune is a suppressed immune system. Thus, I am pretty particular about being around sick people, including my own family. (Just ask my husband how I feel about him having a sniffle!)
I have been teased about my hypervigilance over germs more than once, as I sanitize every surface in my shop when people come in, even though they don't "look" sick. I have hand sanitizer and face masks out all the time, and put out a sign every fall reminding people to be conscientious about coughs and feeling ill. People think I am exaggerating the risk when they cough around me, because after all, it's just a little sniffle to them. I am considered cold and unfriendly when I don't want to shake hands, even though I have no idea what germs those hands harbor. When someone has to keep their sick and feverish child out of school, and they think it's an opportunity to run errands, I cringe and grab my Clorox wipes. Because while your child will likely get over it in a day or two, I may not.
A couple of years ago, I was exposed to someone who did not understand the risk, and they coughed or sneezed or somehow infected me with their virus. What was likely a brief cold for them turned into a major ordeal for me - Influenza A and whooping cough, multiple doctor visits, lots of medications in addition to the ones I already take, difficulty breathing for weeks and a three month recovery.
So trust me, no one understands better the fear people are experiencing when they are facing a silent, unseen foe that is out of their control than someone who is immunosuppressed. Physical distance is our friend, and sick people give us nightmares. Hand sanitizer is the elixir of life. Clorox wipes are a necessity, and used liberally. Everywhere. Soap and water is next to godliness. For us, this is a way of life, with no end in sight.
So here's the thing. While you are getting used to a whole new routine, we are simply carrying on as usual, because this is our normal. Most of us rarely talk about it, because it is boring, even to us, but that doesn't mean we don't think about it.
And, just like with the bees, it is our families, not us, who are most stressed about the possibility of us getting ill. Because they have to watch us struggle, and they are afraid for us, and for themselves having to live without us.
Eventually this will all be over, but I hope that things will never return to how they were. Let's eliminate social hugging, and be cautious with hand shaking, too. Let's keep emphasizing coughing into one's sleeve for allergies, and staying home at the first sign of illness. Let's make sick leave mandatory. (I am the owner of a micro-business that operates on a razor thin margin and I have sick leave for my employees, so I don't want to hear about how small business can't afford it. Really, they can't afford not to have it, because if you only have a few employees and they all get sick, then the company shuts down.)
And the next time you see someone using gloves on the pin pad while shopping or sanitizing a door handle before touching it, take a moment of compassion to realize that they may be doing it to save their life, not because they are a hypochondriac or OCD or any of the other things people throw out. They love their life as much as you love yours, and they don't want to lose it.
You are walking a mile in our shoes right now. Don't forget how it feels when you get your own comfortable pair of slippers back.
