Today I am 60. It is an odd feeling. It is kind of like the difference between nine and ten. It is only a day, but somehow, you jump over a line when you turn 10, and I feel the same way today. Saying I am 60 sounds, somehow, much older than saying I am 59.
Which is all very strange, because, in truth, I still feel the same as I did at 40. (I am not so naive as to say 25, because I am much wiser now and that is gained through life experience and not a certain number of years on the calendar. And I have definitely had plenty of opportunity to get wiser, so I know I must be at least 40!) But I certainly don't feel like I've had six decades of life, and my wisdom quotient sadly does not match what I would have expected of a 60 year old, but thankfully exceeds my 25 year old self, at least.
Don't misunderstand me. I am happy to be 60, because I am here to see this day. So many never will, their lives cut short in a host of ways, all unfair and unfortunate. I am grateful that I have now outlived my dad by ten years, and what a ten years it has been. And I nearly died at 40, and when I think of everything that has happened in the last 20 years, it is a marvel and I am grateful to have been here for every one of them - even 2020, although it is not my favorite year, not gonna lie.
I have seen an exercise of what people would write to their younger selves, and I find it interesting. So my birthday gift to myself is to meander back through my life and consider what I wish I'd known at the beginning of my journey.
I would tell myself, first and foremost, that I am worthy - of so many things. Love. Honesty. Consideration. Respect. Self-respect. (Yes, those two things are entirely different, but if you don't have self-respect, why should anyone else respect you?) Friendship.
I would also tell myself to stop allowing other people to define who I am, even if they are right. Writer. Musician. Faithful. Witty. Sarcastic. Intelligent. Intellectual. Caring. Listener. That is who I am, and I never needed to fight it or apologize for it. I wish I had been more accepting of my creative, out of the box self a lot earlier, and not tried to be a Type A like my family. (The pressure was all from me - they have always loved me just as I am, I hasten to add.)
I am glad I stole a lot of moments to have fun with my kids when I should have been cleaning or cooking or doing something productive, and I would tell my younger self to do even more, because those years will fly all too quickly. I would stress less about running here and there, and stop to enjoy the little things like hot sunny days, moments with friends, or just watching my kids playing together.
I would waste less time on unproductive relationships that tore me down and concentrate on the people who uplifted me and mean the most to me.
At 60, I am the total sum of my life experiences. I have a few precepts that I live by which I will share with anyone who is interested. Some are original, some are stolen from others, but all are my own goals.
- No experience is a total failure as long as I take something forward from it. I try to live that truth, and not have regrets, because everything that has gone before has gotten me to where I am today.
- Every day is an opportunity to make someone's life better.
- Move toward the joy. Don't stay stuck in what makes me unhappy; take a chance on finding something that makes my life better.
- If I would be ashamed to have my husband, children, mother or closest friends know about it, I had best not do it, because its obviously not right. And seriously - the internet is now forever, and nothing is private. They will find out. Speaking of which....
- Don't say anything online that I wouldn't want everyone to find out about. And don't send photos I wouldn't want hacked and spread around the world. It happens.
- I can have a pity party every now and then, but in the morning, it is done. Then I put on the big girl panties and get on with life.
- I learn a lot more by listening than I do by talking.
- Some things are just right, and some things are just wrong, and it doesn't matter if someone else knows or not. I will know, and I want to be proud of the person I see in the mirror every night.
- The high road is not the smoothest path, but its the only one that will get me to the mountaintop, and that is worth the view. I have never regretted taking the high road. I have often regretted taking the easy lower path. That is worth remembering.
- No one will ever love me like my mother. But no one will ever change me like my children and grandchildren.
- Sometimes the best option is to agree to disagree and change the subject. And sometimes its best just not to go there in the first place. Neither one is copping out - it is preserving a relationship, which is much more important than being right. Especially if it turns out you were wrong.
- Compassion and empathy are free. Until I have lived someone else's life, don't judge them by my standards.
