Life is full of decisions. Little decisions, big decisions, we are all making decisions every moment of every day. We don't normally think about it in those terms, of course. Should we stop at the stop sign or run right through it? That doesn't seem like a real decision, but in fact, it is a choice. Other people's lives, not to mention our own, depend upon our being willing to make the decision to follow the rules, and society is better for it.
Even little children, who seem fairly powerless in the general scheme of things, have decisions to make. Do I want to eat or throw food on the floor? Should I sing or play quietly? Dolls or sandbox? Peanut butter for lunch or bologna sandwich?
I don't often contemplate the outcome of my many daily decisions. There are good decisions and bad, and I generally rule in favor of the decision which I believe will bring the best outcome for everyone. But it has become glaringly apparent to me that not everyone makes decisions on that same practical basis.
Kansas City has experienced a couple of difficult weeks due to the poor decision made by someone, it is yet to be determined who, that resulted in a little baby disappearing. As usual, the fingers of blame were quick to begin pointing in a variety of directions. The parents themselves blame an unknown intruder. The police seem to have narrowed down their list of suspects to one person, the mother, and they are rather obviously directing their investigation towards her actions that night. The family blames the police for focusing on them, while the police blame the family for worrying too much about themselves and not enough about their missing child. The general public are left with rampant speculation, and finger pointing in every direction.
Meantime, this innocent baby is still gone. That is the part that is inexplicable to me. Where could she be? How could anyone hide a baby, or a body, so effectively that trained police officers, assisted by the FBI, cannot locate her? Even a clue of some kind seems to be in short supply at this point, although I am certain the police have information that they have not yet shared with the public, and which may give them the answers we are all seeking.
Meanwhile, sketchy decision making has abounded in this situation. Apparently, not one, but three separate people allegedly saw a man out walking in 45 degree temperatures, carrying a baby wearing only a diaper, but decided not to call the police immediately about the child who was clearly in need of care. [Two called the following morning, and one called over a week later.] The mother decided to drink from a box of wine with a neighbor until they were intoxicated to the point of potentially blacking out, and didn't worry about the children under their care. Dad decided to do a night shift at work for the first time. A window not closed, a door left unlocked, a phone call not made - all decisions that in and of themselves would not portend a catastrophe. But taken together, in the right time and place, a baby has seemingly vanished into thin air.
Most of our daily decisions do not have that kind of lifetime impact. Whatever the truth of this situation, and we may never know the whole story, everyone involved has been forever changed because of the decisions made by a variety of people that evening.
We cannot live life worrying about every single decision we make. That is not only unrealistic, it is also unreasonable. We make too many decisions too often to give that sort of import to any one decision made throughout the course of an average day. But it is a good lesson to those of us on the outside looking in to be careful about how our decision making will affect those around us. And a reminder that every decision may have unintended consequences that you, and everyone else, may have to live with.
If you decide to drink and drive, you may kill not only yourself, but other innocent people. If you decide to smoke, you are exposing not only yourself, but everyone you love to the carcinogenic effects of the tobacco. If you decide to gamble your life savings away, your family will be the ones who suffer along with you. Whatever decisions you make today can have long lasting, and unintended, consequences.
I am certain that little Lisa's mother and father love her. There is no question in my mind that their grief is real, and complete. They are struggling to deal with the consequences of decisions that only they may know about, for reasons that may or may not matter, and they will have a lifetime to live with the outcome of the choices they so carelessly made. Whatever the truth may be, Deborah Bradley will always be guilty of poor decision making, something she already seems to understand, judging by a recent interview in which she admits to leaving a window open, and comments that "is something I will have to live with." Jeremy Irwin will spend a lifetime second guessing a reasonable decision to go to work that night, wondering if by staying home he could have avoided the tragedy which has been visited upon them.
We are living in a time where people continually try to evade responsibility for the outcome of their own decisions. Everyone is a victim; fault is continually being laid at the feet of someone else. This is no way to run a society, and will ultimately lead to our downfall. It is impossible to succeed in life if no one is ever accountable for mistakes, because it is through mistakes that we learn.
I do not know where little Lisa Irwin is right now. I have no idea if she is alive or if she is with God in heaven at this moment. I don't know whether mom, dad or someone else is responsible for her current missing status. I do know that decisions were made that night, carelessly and without thought or care for anyone else, that have led us to this point of indecision, where nothing is known and no decision looks good, moving forward.
Just as we cannot live our entire life as if it is the last moment, we cannot give every decision the kind of import that we do for the biggest decisions we consciously make. But I do think it behooves us, as adults, parents, teachers, role models, citizens, to consider how our many daily decisions will impact those around us, and whether the choice we are making will ultimately hinder or enhance the lives of the people we love the most.
Our children are depending on us to lead the way in life. We owe it to them to make the best decisions we can, so the outcome is something we can all live with together. If her life and disappearance make other people consider their decisions more carefully, then little Lisa's life, even short as it is, will have meaning and purpose.
