For the past several weeks, we in the Kansas City metro area have been the focus of the nation for all the wrong reasons once again. [I am telling you here and now, the vast majority of people who live here are wonderful, down to earth, truly decent human beings with great hearts who would do anything to help someone in need. Just because we have some real wackos around here doesn't mean we are all like that. Seriously.] We are in the news this time because a sweet little baby with a cherubic face and a smile that lights up the room is missing, and we all want her found and back with her family where she belongs. So the entire city is obsessing about the situation, while we scan the faces of every baby we see, looking for the answer to what happened in the eyes of strangers.
As for facts, well, there aren't many that we can be certain of. We know that little Lisa Irwin is not where she belongs, with her family in their home where she was, by all appearances, loved and relatively well cared for. [If we are honest with ourselves, any of us frozen at a random moment in time could look neglectful or careless with our children. We cannot be perfect 100% of the time, and reasonable people understand that and will forgive the mistakes.] We know that it isn't because she went somewhere of her own volition. We know who her family is, and when she was last seen by someone outside the family. We have seen photographs of her with extended family members, and we have seen video of her cooing and sucking on her fist while her mother spoke lovingly to her in the background. We know that she is not to be found in the family's home or on their property, nor in a lot of other likely locations around their neighborhood in Kansas City, because the KCPD has left no stone unturned in searching for this sweet little girl. As far as absolute knowledge goes, that is about it.
Everything else is rank speculation, based on family statements, police statements, attorney releases, and rampant internet sleuthing gone into hyperdrive. While many people believe one thing or another, there is simply no proof to know what has happened. Unfortunately, this is not reality television, and the script has not yet been completed for how this story will end. So we all wait impatiently, dissatisfied with the status quo, but unable to do anything about it, either.
The family is being crucified in the press, local, national, and international, for what is perceived to be a lack of behaving in a way that is appropriate for the circumstances. The blogosphere has blown up as the public over-analyzes every single word and action by the parents, who are widely suspected of being complicit in the adorable child's disappearance. While a few people out there have tried to suggest that perhaps we shouldn't base opinions of people we don't know on how we think we might act under the most stressful circumstances imaginable, most people seem to have already decided what their version of the truth must be, and have convicted the "guilty" parties accordingly.
I am fairly uncomfortable with the wholesale judgement of the internet jury on a situation for which we have very little factual information. I understand the desire to assign blame - it's uncomfortable for all of us to be in the dark when there may be a depraved individual out there snatching innocent infants from their own cribs in the middle of the night. But we cannot convict people on the basis of gut feeling or how we think we would act and expect to be taken seriously.
At the same time, I think it is a little ignorant to posit that because most of us have never been through an actual abduction, we don't know what we would do if, in fact, it occurred. Especially when we have people willing to speak out and discuss what they actually did when it happened to them, and that picture fits our natural inclinations of how we would handle ourselves in the same situation.
Regretfully, Jeremy Irwin and Deborah Bradley, the parents in the center of the nightmare, have done virtually everything wrong [from guilt or confusion, it is impossible to tell] from start to finish, and alienated the general public, whom they need on their side, to have a positive resolution of this sad situation. [Lisa's Aunt Ashley has been a bull in a china shop, but at least she is out there trying. I have genuine sympathy for her, because although she has made a few public mis-steps during this process, she is easily forgiven because she is not an experienced public figure, and she continually put the attention back where it needed to be, on Lisa. Whoever silenced her should rethink, because she was a sincere voice of concern coming from the family, and shutting her down is not the answer.] I don't know the parents or the extended family, but I have some heartfelt advice for them, because it is clear they are getting bad advice, and we, the public, would like to see them appropriately counseled no matter what has happened, so that we don't have another Casey Anthony nightmare happening here in Missouri. [I know, it is the height of arrogance to think I have the answers, but sometimes a dispassionate person on the outside looking in can see things you can't see when you are up close.]
First, dump Joe Taco and Wild Bill, and your so called anonymous benefactor who is paying them. They are not your friends, and they are most certainly not helping you. They continually shift the focus from Lisa on to you and your behavior, to the detriment of all of you, especially Lisa. Arrogance and showboating may fly on the East Coast, but they are not working for you here in the Heartland. Everything they have advised you to do has been wrong, because there is a fundamental flaw in their strategy, of which you appear to be unaware.
Jeremy, Deborah, whatever they are saying in public, they obviously think you are guilty, and they are presenting you as if you are already charged as defendants. Lose them immediately and find yourself a solid, experienced defense attorney from Kansas City, preferably one who also has prosecutorial experience, so they can advise you on what the police are looking for, what is required of you, and how best to present yourself and your situation to both police and public to get the best possible exposure for your missing daughter, who should be the main focus here.
Second, take that attorney and get your behinds in to the police station and TALK TO THEM. Tell the truth, every single thing you know. Start over, from the beginning, and tell them everything, the whole unvarnished reality, and let the chips fall where they may. If there was a terrible accident, and something happened to that precious baby while under your care, be honest and admit it, so that there can be a respectful resolution to this situation. If you were somehow incapacitated and she was truly taken and you don't know what happened, admit to the irresponsibility and let the police do their work with factual information. If this had something to do with a drug sale gone wrong, or there is some other type of neglect or illegal or immoral action involved, you are not helping yourselves by dissembling and lying and changing your stories every time you open your mouths. The truth will set you free, because it doesn't take any effort to repeat the story as many times as necessary when you are honest. It is lies that are hard to keep straight, and you have had a very hard time keeping the story straight so far.
Third, your concern for the boys' mental health is touching, but no one believes that you don't want them to talk to the authorities because of the fear of their trauma. Most of us are parents, and we understand that the trauma is occurring by keeping them from helping to do whatever they can to find their baby sister. If they have nothing to add, then the police will not talk with them again. But I can say unequivocally if my other child had even the most remote chance of giving information about their missing sibling, I would be asking them non-stop for every shred of information they might have in order to try to get to the bottom of it. That you are not doing so is another piece of evidence that you are getting terrible advice, and you need to find a new strategy.
Fourth, the national media will likely not help you find your daughter. If, in truth, you do not know where Lisa is, you need the local press and public to help you search, because the odds are very high that she is somewhere in the two state area, possibly even in the metro. Forget about Good Morning, America, and talk to Fox 4 and KMBC and the KC Star. Give them pictures, tell them about your daughter, let everyone know what her likes and dislikes are, what she is missing. Make her real to us, so that as we go about our daily activities, we are looking for a person, not a caricature from some morning television program. You have got it backwards - the national media attention should be driven by the support of the local press and public, who have had their hearts stolen by a sweet little girl who we believe is out there somewhere.
Fifth, telling the public they don't know how they would behave is not a good strategy to take the heat off your shoulders, because, in fact, most of us do know exactly what we would do. If you are a parent, you have probably, at one time or another, for five minutes or a few hours, experienced that cement-in-the-stomach, punch-to-the-gut feeling of realizing you don't know where your child is. And you also know what you did and how you reacted. And if that weren't enough, we have several parents who HAVE been through a child abduction, and who DO know what it is like, telling us and showing us how innocent parents react when their child is missing. Your behavior is not consistent with someone who is innocent. Your actions mimic those of the people who were ultimately found complicit in the disappearance. The public, and the police, are not buying what you are selling.
Finally, whoever told you to run and hide should be removed from the situation, because it's the opposite of what you should actually be doing, and they are not the people you want advising you. Your daughter is missing, and you are the people who can most effectively inspire us all to care enough to find her. The police have been relentless in searching everywhere, the public has been desperate for answers, your extended family have attended vigils and defended your honor and talked about the baby. Everyone is out there looking except the two people who should be leading the way, in fact. That does not make you look bewildered or sad, it makes you look guilty, because it is clear you have no hope that your daughter will return to you unharmed. If you don't believe that your daughter is still alive when she has been missing less than a month, then why would you expect anyone else to think so?
If you are not guilty, stop acting like you are and get out and lead us in the search for your daughter. Innocent people do not run away, they do not give up on their child after less than a month and talk about grieving, they don't go into hiding, they aren't too exhausted to reach out to anyone who might help them. Innocent people never stop looking, they never miss an opportunity to bring up their child in the press or public, they hold fundraisers, they talk about their child endlessly, they get out and search themselves and organize volunteers to help them, they hound the police and have them camped out in their home, they attend vigils and press conferences and harass the local press, whatever it takes to keep their child front and center in the public eye. Most importantly, innocent parents never, ever entertain the possibility that their child might be dead, because until there is no possibility of hope, they continue to have hope.
The general public has, for the most part, been slow to condemn you in this situation. Although a few people have been vocal in their belief that you have done something to your child, most people have hoped for the best, while realistically fearing the worst. Get some decent representation, tell the truth, whatever it may be, and let's all work together to solve this tragic problem of where little Lisa might be found. If she is alive, and someone has her, come forward and admit the wrong you have perpetrated, so that Lisa can be back with her family where she belongs. If she is gone, someone knows something. Come forward, tell the truth, and let everyone, especially Lisa's extended family, find some peace and resolution.
Little Lisa Irwin has stolen our hearts. Wherever you are, Lisa, our prayers are with you. You are cherished, not just by your family, but by an entire city who wants you back, safe and sound, in the arms of those who love you.
Sweet dreams, little one. We will not give up on you, and we will find you. Maybe today will be the day.
