Maybe someday
We'll figure all this
out
We'll put an end to
all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll
live our lives out loud
We'll be better off
somehow
The chorus especially spoke to me, yelled even, about the struggle of the last few years, and my goal moving forward in this new chapter that has begun for me. I have always been a daughter, a sister, a roommate, a wife, or a mother. I have never really been alone, totally on my own, and it is a challenge sometimes. As much as I enjoy my freedom and my solitude, there are times I could really use a hug, times I need someone to listen, times a prayer said on my behalf the only thing that will help bring comfort in the midst of the storms of my life.
I love the phrase, "...we'll live our lives out loud." It is such a good metaphor for the approach to life of a person who lives happily and fully, with the expectation of something good just around the corner. That person isn't living an isolated existence, carrying the hurts and the misplaced trust of the past like a ball and chain. People who embrace life dance through their days, pulling the crowd along with them, soaking up the joy they bring to whatever they do.
As it happens I know a young lady who lives her life exactly that way. I have had a court side seat as she grew up and finally launched into her own adulthood, full steam ahead. She doesn't hesitate to embrace everything that God brings her way. She looks for the opportunities in life, and although they never seem to come easily, there seems to be no obstacle that she cannot overcome.
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| Embracing Africa |
How much I admire that quality about her. How I wish I could jump into any situation and find the fun and the camaraderie and bring the good time simply by being there. I admire the ability to flash a smile at people and have it light up the room. I envy the ability to talk to anyone at any time about anything, the only consideration being in the moment with that person and giving and taking everything from the time together that you can. It's a win/win that I have never been able to achieve, much as I would love to.
I am acquainted with too many people I have never really talked to. I can spend an hour with someone and barely manage a shy smile, when instead I would like to ask them all about themselves, find out what interests them, how they live, and what they want to achieve.
I am one of life's listeners. It is not something that one chooses, whether you are a listener or a speaker. You can overcome, if you work really hard at it, the natural limitations of your personality, at least to some extent. But I am never going to be the star. I will never look for the spotlight and run after it. I'll always be the person hiding behind the curtain, necessary but unnoticed.
But I would like to learn from my daughter how to live a little louder. I would like to embrace each day with joy and expectation. I would like to drop the baggage of doubt and dread and fear and run lightly down the road away from what has weighed me down. As she turned 20 this week, I can only look on in amazement at who she is becoming. I can barely touch her coat tails as she breezes past in her effort to live her life to the fullest, throwing a quick wave and a beaming smile over her shoulder as she goes.
I will always be who I am inside. But in this third quarter of my life, I'm going to try to reach out a little more, to risk more than a shy smile at someone I don't know well, to finally lay the doubt to rest, and make things a little better in my world. I want to be the best version of me that I can be, and it seems like there is no time like the present to finally figure it all out.
Someday has always been in the future. Well, the future is now, and someday is today. I'm about to make a little noise!
