An obituary is never satisfying for me, because when I read it, there is so much left unsaid. Although it gives a few facts, there is always so much more that I want to know. How did they feel? What did they think? Who did they love? A person is not the sum of the years they lived, where they grew up or even where they ended up. That leaves so much out about who they were inside. But I think, ultimately, the problem in writing an obituary is that every relationship is different, and no one ever knows another person in their totality. It is hard to sum up a life that you didn't ever fully know.
Tomorrow we will say an earthly goodbye to someone who has been in my life from the very first day my parents got me. We grew up together, and saw a lot of each other, what with school, church, and family occasions. He teased me, embarrassed me, made fun of me, played with me, and ultimately realized he loved me and was happy to have me in his life. In return, I teased him, embarrassed him, made fun of him, played with him, and ultimately realized I loved him and I was happy to have him in my life, too. We were cousins, always there, someone you could count on, no matter what water flowed under the bridge.
I saw the softer side of him more often than not, partly because we had shared history, partly because we made some of the same mistakes in life, partly because, at some level, we just cared about each other. Even though he never stopped making fun of me, he liked my cooking, and I think he liked talking to me. In turn, I appreciated his wit, utilized his resourcefulness, and enjoyed his satisfaction at having a meal he didn't have to cook himself.
It was, in a sense, an unconventional harmony, played by life's symphony and conducted by God, who knew just what grace notes were needed to make the score complete.
Life is too short sometimes. I am glad I ventured awhile ago to tell him what he really means to me. Our relationship wouldn't make for a very interesting story, I don't suppose, but it is all about the connections that make us human.
Good bye, Tom. I hope you know how much you are missed. The world won't ever be the same again without you in it. I love you. Zelda
