I am not arrogant about my parenting abilities. I made a lot of mistakes, and my children, although basically good people, were not always easy. We had our share of problems during their primary years, and, of course, as high schoolers, they presented the occasional or not so occasional challenges that all parents face. But by and large, they were routine problems, and I never really had to deal with the hardest stuff of life. For me, tough love was about taking away the car or the cell phone, not rehab or chemo or calling a lawyer. So I am smart enough to thank my God and good fortune for the children with which I was blessed.
I know parents who are not so fortunate. I have watched from a short distance as children I have known and loved have made decisions which have made their lives more difficult, which have damaged relationships, and even resulted in losing life far too soon. It is gut wrenching, heart breaking, and I am at a complete loss even to find words to bring comfort as I watch friends and relatives grieve over what should have been but will never be.
It is so difficult to understand why some children, with all the odds stacked against them, turn out well in spite of everything, while others, who have had every advantage, follow the darker path in life. Ultimately, I have decided that however much we love someone, we cannot control their destiny. They follow the path of their own choosing, and while we can love and support them, or do what we believe will be best for them, we cannot choose their outcome.
Today, I am grieving along with friends, the loss of a beautiful life. I cannot comprehend the pain this loss has incurred on those who loved her most, but I can share in their sorrow, and hopefully, in doing so, provide some small measure of comfort in their loss.
This day did not come suddenly, of course. They usually don't. Many of us have watched from across the gulf of despair as her family walked a most difficult path, not knowing what to do or how to make this situation better. There are no simple solutions, no easy answers, not even an onerous but sure fire response. Life is filled with trial and error, and in the end, it is out of our control as parents.
If you know someone who is traveling the most difficult road a parent can face, whatever the problem may be, don't sit in judgement. Recognize that you are fortunate not to be in their place, and give them support and encouragement. Uplift them in their trials, and pray for their child to make a change for the better.
To all who are facing lonely days ahead, please know that you are prayed over and cared for, and that God knows your name and your troubles. His grace and mercy are found in the hardest of times, and calling upon him can bring peace that passes all other understanding.
Rest in peace, all you who are heavy laden.
