There was a song that was quite popular when I was younger entitled "Endless Love." Diana Ross and Lionel Richie sang this theme song from the popular movie by the same name. I think that is a good way to describe the love a mother feels for her child, something I have thought about a lot, recently.
It has been an interesting interlude in my life, the last few months, as I watched my daughter go through pregnancy, bonding with this brand new human being before he is even born. While we are all waiting with excited anticipation to add this child to our lives, no one is more excited than the woman who has carried him under her heart for the last 8.5 months, feeling his movements and getting to know him in a way no one else ever can or will.
It is interesting to see my daughter love this new person in a whole new way, parenthood opening doors in her heart that were locked and unnoticed just a few short months ago. It is a profound thing, to carry a child inside your own body, to know that within you is a fully formed person just waiting to emerge and be entirely themselves. It presents a whole new thoroughfare of feelings, and the path looks wide and smooth when the child is still hidden from view.
Being a mother is a journey inside one's self. You learn to be patient, to put the needs of your child before your own, to think about how everything you do will affect this other human being. Your time is no longer your own, your life is no longer your own, even your bathroom is no longer your sanctuary. Your heart is held hostage by the whims of the ones you love more than yourself, even when they don't love you back. You are a mother forever and always, and it is a status that doesn't change, no matter what happens down the road.
Like all parents, I want my daughter to have an easier path than I did. I want her relationship with her son to be perfect, filled with joyful moments and storybook endings. But I know how real life is, and I know that there will be tears, unhappiness, and heartache in and amongst the joy and pleasure.
When my first child was born, I looked at him in my arms, and naively vowed it would always be like that. He would be happy, our relationship would be perfect, and there would never be a cross word between us. Then we went home from the hospital, and I found out what parenting is really about.
In the end, we had a lot of great fun, good times, and the joy outweighs the heartache by a long ways. But it was the times of fear, pain and suffering when the relationships with each of my children was strongly forged. Relationships built upon the foundation of fun do not stand the test of time, and the parent child relationship is no different. It is the struggle to get it right that forges the strength to get you through the worst of moments, and which allows you to sit back and bask in the glow of the happiest times.
When I watched my son walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding, I knew a joy unlike anything I have ever felt. She was supremely happy, and in a very real way, my job was accomplished. She was breathtaking, both in body and spirit, and I was totally overwhelmed with the reality of who she has become.
I wish for her the same joy in her son that I have found in her. I hope that she will love him as fiercely as I love her, and that she will give her all as I have done so that his life will be everything it can be. I wonder if she will ever understand how completely she holds my heart in her hands, and I hope that her son will hold her heart in the same way. I hope she knows that whatever she is going through at any given time, she is not alone. Her mother is here for her, just like mine was for me, and she will be for her child.
The love of a mother is truly endless. There is no moment at which you no longer need her. Your mother is a mother forever, and her unconditional love is a gift that allows us to step out into the world and become who we are meant to be.
Although the song is about a lover, not a child, the words resonate for me as a mother, too. I will always hold my children close, I will always give my all for them. I will never be able to resist their charms, and I will always, forever, endlessly love them, throughout all time.
