0+5=5
1+4=5
2+3=5
I was recently asked by a customer at my job if I watched the political convention the previous night. This man was very pumped up about the speeches that had been given, and he is very excited about his choice of candidate. Although I am not in favor of his candidate, I respect his right to his opinion, however misinformed I think it may be. So I tried to listen respectfully as I got the transaction completed.
But I also believe I am entitled to the right to privacy in my political persuasions. I am not required to disclose to anyone who I vote for, or my reasons why. I don't answer to the world - I answer to my own conscience. And I certainly do not need to answer to a customer who does not even know me.
So I responded to this customer by telling him I did not watch, and in an effort to shut down this line of questioning, I told him I am not political. Apparently he does not share my respect for the opinions of others, nor believe in my right to my personal privacy.
I was informed that this is the most important election of all time. (Didn't they say that last time around, and the time before that, and the time before THAT...) Non-voters like me are going to be the downfall of this great country. (I think I have actually voted in every general election since I turned 18, so making assumptions really just makes an ass....) I am the problem in this country. (Really? I thought I was just doing my job at that moment, and the working man/woman is what this country is founded on, isn't it, or so we have been told....)
Hard to take someone seriously when they are so misinformed about my life or what I believe.
Like most people, my truth is based on my life experience. I think most people want the same things in life, whatever their race, religion, national origin, political persuasion or experience. Using a different equation does not make me a moron, a fool, stupid, crazy, a commie, a zealot, lazy, shiftless, thoughtless, a hater, or any other name I have seen thrown around by all sides recently. It just means my understanding of how life works is different than yours. And that understanding is, in a word, complicated.
So here is some of the reality that I live by.
I was a divorced, single mom trying to scrape together enough money to pay the bills and put food on the table, and I often ran short. I am an expert at juggling, but occasionally a ball got dropped. I am not going to beat myself up over it. I did the best I could.
I didn't get divorced because I am a bad person, on a whim, or because I am thoughtless or stupid. I got divorced because I had absolutely no choice after 21 years of marriage. No one else has all the information about my reasons for either staying or quitting, so no one else has the right to judge me for it, but it sure does influence how I see life.
I was lucky enough to have support from my family and closest friends to help me through the crises, both emotional and financial, that life threw my way, but not everyone is as lucky as I am. Without that support, I would have been on the street with my kids, because life is not always fair, and hard work does not always get you what you deserve.
Having a degree and working hard does not ensure financial stability in life. I have always worked hard - I got my first job when I turned 16 and have stayed busy ever since, whether I was employed or an at home mom. I have been comfortably off, and I have seen how being poor works up close and personal. Life throws curve balls, and you are not always prepared for the impact. It is what it is was not just a passing cliche for me, it is a coping mechanism and a way of dealing with the hits.
It is impossible to save for the future when you don't have enough for today. People who have enough will never understand the financial black hole of poverty, and why poor people do stuff that seems crazy or self-defeating, because their lives are upside down from each other. It doesn't make bad decisions good, but it is more comprehensible when you look at the root realities. We need to address the fundamentals, not the symptoms, if we want to move the baseline.
Eating healthy is easier on a six figure income than when you live at the poverty line. Do you know why crock pots are so popular with women living in poverty? It is simple, really. When they get their electricity turned off, they can run an extension cord to the neighbor's to cook dinner while they are at work. I learned this while volunteering at a shelter in urban Kansas City, from a mom who was working her butt off to escape that reality. Eye opener, considering I wasn't all that much better off than her at that moment.
Living in a big house does not always mean you are wealthy, and a facade is, in fact, a wall to hide behind. People have all kinds of hidden truths you know nothing about. Sometimes you are too poor to move so you just keep digging deeper until it all falls apart over your head.
Choosing between health care or buying a new tire is a real problem when you need that car to keep your job so you can buy groceries and feed your kids.
Speaking of which.... Not everyone has access to employer sponsored health insurance; most small employers in this country do not provide it, and most employers are, in fact, small employers. That leaves a sizeable chunk of people on their own with private insurance as their only option. Prior to the Affordable Care Act, people like me (migraines, epilepsy, diverticulitis, and cancer history) couldn't get private health insurance at all. Not for any amount of money (not that I could have afforded it, anyway.) And I made just a little too much to be eligible for Medicaid. If you have never found yourself uninsurable, you simply have no idea what that reality looks like. It is not my own fault that I was uninsurable. I did not do something wrong to have migraines or epilepsy. It is simply the roll of my dice. I am grateful that I have access, however expensive, to health care that I would not otherwise have. So you should understand that I see the Affordable Care Act through that filter, and will quietly disagree with you that I am somehow worse off today than I was before it was passed. (This does not mean I don't see the issues with it, but that's another story, and I don't want to go there today.)
I have made lots of mistakes in my life, but they are part of what makes me who I am. I am grateful for it all, because that led me to where I am today - married to a man who is willing to look at the whole me and love me, flaws, mistakes, false starts, and all. We have lots of differences, but he is thoughtful and respectfully listens to my point of view, even when he disagrees. I think he may have even changed a little over the years because he sees the truth from a slightly different vantage point as a result of my sharing my experiences with him. And I have grown as well from listening to his point of view, which is never a bad thing.
Which is really where I am going with this. We need to listen to each other more, and appreciate other people's life stories. What seems clear cut from your perch is not always as obvious from another tree. Change is good, even if a little painful at times.
Sometimes I have been 0 and other people have been 5. Sometimes I am 1, and other people have been 4. Sometimes I am two or three, and someone else has stood in the gap with me. Together we ended up in the same place, even if life looked different from each of our vantage points. And I genuinely believe that ultimately, most people are looking for the same thing - love, peace, comfort, security, joy. That is what defines 5 for me.
I don't have to live your life to appreciate your journey. A little respect for other people's stories goes a long ways. Just saying....
My thought for the week. Have a lovely weekend. :)
