Twice a year, I think about a woman to whom I am related more closely biologically than to anyone other than my children, but about whom I know nothing. I do not know her name. I don't know what she looks like. I would not recognize her voice on the phone, and I have no idea if I get my musical ability or my passion for writing or my bad teeth or my lucky predisposition to be on the thinner side from her or not. (I am sorry to all the dads and future dads out there, but somehow, that guy never seems to enter my mind. It's a mom thing. That's why kids always say, "Hi Mom" on television. It's nature. Deal.)
I am adopted, and my biological mother is not, and never was, a part of my life. I like to say that she gave birth to me, then gave me life by giving me to someone who was better able to be a mother. Good choice, from my point of view, since I have the best mom there is.
But it also illustrates a point that I think is worth examining on this weekend where we honor and venerate our mothers. Being a mother is not about biology, it is about love, and time, and caring. It is about taking another person into your heart, and wanting what is best for them, even when it costs you. It involves worrying about them, being proud of them and taking the time to make them your own, whether they were born to you or not.
We only have one mother, and no one can take her place. But there are a lot of other chosen honorary family members out there that become an important part of our lives, and I would like to extend the day to honor them, as well.
My children, for example, have a wonderful honorary aunt, who is related not by biology, but by love and time and attention. She has been a part of their lives since before they were born. She knows their story, and she knows mine, too. She is there for them, whenever they need her.
It is comforting for me, as their mom, to know that there is another adult in this world that loves and cares for my children almost as much as I do, and loves and cares for me, as well. In supporting me, she is supporting them, and in supporting them, she is supporting me. If that is not deserving of the label family, then I don't know what is.
Happy Mother's Day to Aunt Beth from all three of us. You are the absolute best!
We also have a neighbor and close friend who has become our family. She is there for us, whenever and wherever we need, no matter what it may be. We could, any of us, call her in the middle of the night, or at work, on vacation or on a sunny afternoon, and she would be there for us, whatever we needed. We have been there for each other's children most of their lives, an important resource and support in times of need.
Her daughter, who is like a daughter to me as well, once said to me, "I need to wish you Happy Mother's Day, too, since you are my second mom." The importance of that to me is obvious, since she said it years ago, and I still cherish it in my heart, as I do her. I am so grateful that my children have had someone in their lives to see them as they really are, for better and for worse, to know their whole history, and to love them anyway.
That is a mother's love, and to Susan, I wish you a happy Mother's Day. You are loved.
I have been blessed in my life to have the most wonderful collection of aunts a girl could ask for. They have loved me, nurtured me, cared for me, chastised me, corrected me, and inspired me. Without their influence, in every facet of life, I would not be half the person, or mother, I am today.
Thus, in no particular order, because they are all my favorite for one reason or another, Tootsie, Shirley, Aldora, Marian, and Jean, happy Mother's Day to each one of you. And in memory of my Aunt Alice, as well, because although you are gone from this life, you are not forgotten. I love you more than I can say, and I am so grateful for each one of you in my life.
As I have been loved by my aunts, I am lucky, indeed, to be an aunt to two nieces and a nephew that I have seen too seldom, but loved from afar. I hope they realize they are in my heart, cared for and prayed over every day, and that if they ever needed me, I would be there for them. I am one of many aunts, and I know they love them all, but they are my "onlies" and as such, are very special to me.
To Jason, Alyssa, and Rachel, happy Mother's Day to you from your loving aunt. I send you a hug, and my love, even if I'm not there in person.
My life experience being supported and loved and mothered by so many others in so many different ways, has taught me that being a mother is more than a label, or a biological event. It is a calling, and a mission, and extends far beyond the confines of one's family.
We, as women, have an opportunity to shape and support and love any number of children, and it comes naturally to most of us. By listening to the beacon emanating from the hearts of those in need, we have the privilege of answering the call for the children, and the not so young, that need us for one reason or another in their lives, and we have the joy of being a part of someone's chosen family, whether for a short time, or a lifetime.
As a child who lost my father very early in my life, I learned to dread Father's Day, because it was a cruel reminder of what I had lost, while all my friends took for granted what they had. I was not resentful of their fortune so much as angry at my own lack of it. I regret now that I did not take the time to recognize the people who made the effort for me, not to take my dad's place, but to stand in for him, when he could not be there.
As an adult, and a mother, I have taken that hard experience, and tried to make a difference for those children who come into my life and have a need, not for a replacement mother, but for another adult who loves them unconditionally, as their mother does or would. Although the role is different for each one, I hope that they all know they each have a place in my heart, uncontested and entirely their own, and that it will be that way forever, no matter where they go or what they do in their lives.
Committing to a child is not about giving birth, it is about giving love, and that is a gift that is freely given and willingly offered to anyone who wants it. When it is returned, it is a special and wonderful thing, and the magic of motherly love takes place.
To those children, some of whom are now adults, in my life that I love and cherish as a supplemental mom, know you are wished from your mother-of-the-heart a day of love and caring. I will be thinking of you, and caring for you, as always, and I am here, if you ever need me. You have only to ask, and I will answer to the best of my ability, whenever you call out. (I will not name you, because I don't want to leave anyone out! But you all know who you are, I hope, or at least you should.)
There are some brave women out there who have been willing to take on a role that leads to as much heartache and pain as joy and love. She is the step-mother. Vilified by Disney and reality, rejected and accepted in equal measure, step-mothers are forever relegated to be the runner up. It is a hard and unforgiving position in which to find yourself, and my heart goes out to any woman who is willing to endure it. In the end, most step-mothers earn their appreciation the hard way, but perhaps it is the sweeter for the pain.
To all the step-mothers out there who took on the role for the love of another, happy Mother's Day. You have earned a pat on the back and a day to be honored for being willing to endure the most difficult and complicated family role there is. You, of all mothers, deserve a day to yourself, where it is all about you.
Mothers-in-law have a reputation for being impossible. Most of the women I know who either have one or are one must be the exception. I have heard a few horror stories, but mostly I hear about women who have taken their child's chosen love into their heart and accepted and nurtured and cherished that love almost as if it were their own. Everyone is blessed, including the grandchildren, who will have that many more loving adults to model acceptance and caring.
To the mothers-in-law out there, happy Mother's Day to you, as well. Keep the faith, keep smiling, and above all, keep your opinions to yourself unless you are asked. That is the way to unlimited time with the grandchildren, which is the real objective!
On a lovely August day, 25 years ago, my understanding of what it means to be a mother grew exponentially when I gave birth to my first child. He has expanded my universe in ways I could never have imagined, and the love I felt for him even before he was born has multiplied daily ever since.
I didn't think it would be possible to love anyone the way I loved him until my daughter came along a few years later, and I finally understood the magic of mother's love. It is boundless, and endless, and without limitation, and it is achieved without any effort at all. (Well, most of the time. There are a few years I would prefer to forget, when it is just as well we had an established history, or we may have had a different ending!)
I feel more pride when my children succeed than I have ever felt with my own success, and I feel more hurt at their failures. I feel their pain when they are wounded, and I feel their joy when they are happy. No matter how near or far they are from me, they are always in my heart, and I know that I am in theirs, as well. As long as they are alive, they will know my love for them, because it is carried within them, a part of their very being from before they were born.
To my children, Adam and Erin, I am grateful to be your mother, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for each moment that I have called you my own.
I know nothing about the woman who gave me life by giving me up, but I do know that I owe her a debt that cannot be repaid. I cannot imagine it was easy, and I think it is probably still hard, especially on days like Mother's Day, when the reminders of what she has lost are everywhere. No matter how many children you have, each one is a gift, special and unique, and there is no replacement for the ones that are lost.
To my biological mother, thank you for letting me have the mother I have, because it was the greatest gift of love you could have given me. It was worth it.
The day would not be complete, of course, without mentioning my own mother, the woman who has loved me, supported me, been an angel of mercy my entire life, and hung in there with me when only a mother could have loved me. I will never doubt that God brought us together, and it was a perfect fit. Mom, you proved that biology is a word but being a mother is a calling, and you have succeeded brilliantly in every way.
To my mother, Rosella, my role model and teacher and my first real love, the one who taught me what being a mother is all about, happy Mother's Day. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate you, but you know that you are celebrated each and every day in my heart.
To each mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, step-mother, aunt, and mother-of-the-heart, Happy Mother's Day to you. Celebrate what it really means to be a mother, and know that you are special and wonderful.
