I have seen a meme on facebook quite a few times about not judging others, because you don't know what is going on in their life. I like that meme, because of the solid truth in it. In fact, I have been thinking about that idea, and have taken it a step beyond. I think that not only should we not judge, but instead, we should try to uplift wherever we can, because, quite simply, life is not a competition. It is a communal event, and the better one does, the better we all do.
It is impossible to see inside the heart and soul of another person. And although their life may not seem overwhelming to you, if it is to them, well, then it is. Everyone's crisis is personal and overwhelming to them. And really, does it matter whether it rises to your bar or not?
I have faced a few setbacks in my life. Losing my father at a very young age. Divorce. Financial strain. Single parenting. I think virtually anyone would agree that all were challenging and difficult, and constitute life changing events by anyone's standards. And yet, one of the lowest points in my life was a simple flat tire.
Of course, that flat tire did not happen in isolation. There was a lot of other stuff going on in my life at that moment, and that flat tire was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. But someone standing outside my car in the parking lot would not know all that had come before. If they were observing me, they would have seen a woman having a total breakdown over an event that is really a run of the mill inconvenience. If they cared to judge me based on that observation, they would, no doubt, have found the moment wanting, where life crises are concerned.
I have thought about that flat tire a lot lately, because, despite the simplistic outward appearance, it was a crucible moment in my life, where I had to face some hard truths, and it was painful, stressful and difficult for me. On the surface, it was simply a flat tire, fairly easily solved, and should not have resulted in the existential crisis it prompted. And yet, for me, that was a turning point, and a major life event. I am glad the only person to witness the breakdown was my daughter, who just cared about me at that moment and wanted to take my hurt away. She didn't worry about whether or not I was over-reacting, she just reached out to my heart and loved me. It was what I needed, and got me through the moment so I could deal with the problem at hand. She couldn't solve any of the larger problems, of course. But her kindness changed that moment from something dreadful to something that provided another block in the foundation of our relationship.
Kindness is in short supply in the world recently. Life is stressful for most of us. There is a lot to worry about. People are short tempered, unpredictable, and easily offended. Close friends and even family become antagonistic over minor occurrences that shouldn't really fester and boil over. So I am making an intentional effort in my own heart to go the extra mile, to be generous of spirit and mind, and to remember my flat tire moment, when a small thing became a game changer.
We truly do not understand what another person is going through in their life. Life's troubles are not a competition, and wounds are always painful when they are yours. Kindness is free. Let's be generous with our empathy. It doesn't hurt, and you never know whose life you will change.
