Snow day....

While working yesterday, I was talking to someone in Minnesota who happily relayed to me the joyous news, at least from his point of view, that it was snowing. It was November 7, and the precipitation falling from the sky was moist, but frozen. For some reason, this did not seem to be a problem for him, but it reminded me rather forcefully why I abandoned that ship awhile back and will probably not return. I prefer to keep myself in dry dock, thank you very much.

At the same time, I was talking online to another person, also in Minnesota, who was slightly less enthusiastic about the whole thing. Her response, paraphrased, was more or less, "Big deal. Who needs it?"

I am happy [for me, anyway,] that when I mentioned it is cold here as well, what I really meant was that it was cold for here, as opposed to cold for there. Although some may say it is neither here nor there what I think about the snow and the cold any where. And they would probably be right. But I'll tell you one thing, I'd rather be here. So there.

Of course, we have our little pretensions to winter here in our little town on the prairie, too. For example, the ice skating rink down at the Hallmark world headquarters, also known, for those not in the know, as Crown Center, [cute, don't you think?] opened yesterday morning.

Isn't that just like Hallmark, to create a fantasy world of ice and skating and warm hooded jackets and mittens, manufacturing touching moments on cue, as children don their skates and adults don their... whatever it is adults don in cold weather. I am wondering if they have photographers with cameras posted in strategic locations around the perimeter, snapping shots that will emerge on our cards in short order?

The local news anchors were there, as they are every year, to capture the first family moments and render us wistful for simpler times, the perfect emotions for the Christmas shopping mode. If the local school districts, not to mention employers, were wondering where all their people were, they should have turned on the television, because from the looks of things, there were a lot of people playing hooky that day. Call me a cynic, but I don't think Hallmark is paying for ice in November in Kansas City without a profit motive somewhere to be found. They did not get to be a worldwide powerhouse in card stock without having someone at the helm who knew what they were doing.

On a side note, each year, there is a Christmas tree on display in the same plaza, called the Mayor's Christmas Tree. It's not exactly Rockefeller Plaza, of course, but it's not a shabby show, either.

The lighting of the tree is a huge deal, with His Honor throwing the switch, generally with the help of some local dignitary, often a child or someone representing a charitable cause. When the season is over, they salvage as much of the wood as they can to make ornaments for sale, the proceeds of which go to various local charitable organizations.

Kansas City has its foolish moments, to be sure. The only times we seem to achieve national attention is when the murder rate or the unaccredited school district have once again been examined for the failures that they are, and we are put on display as the bad example we can fairly be named to be in those areas.

But we are more than that, too. It is an area with a huge heart for the less fortunate, and this is one of the better moments for us. Since I don't hesitate to throw darts whenever possible, [like I have said before, Quantrill and John Brown still ride around here,] I felt in the interests of fairness that I should also point out the good things about Kansas City.

Anyway, getting back to snow days, when I was little, they represented stolen moments, time that belonged to no one but me. It was a free day, sort of like getting out of jail free in Monopoly, except better, because you didn't have to play that stupid game to get it.

The entire day opened up as an endless vista of possibility, free of the oppression of school work and classroom seating. But it was better than a weekend, because it was an unexpected gift, and somehow, the usual rules didn't apply. There was no housework or homework, no places to be or things to do. Instead, it was a free day to pursue my own interests in my own time, and as such, it was something to be treasured.

I don't know about anyone else, but I grew up in a town which refused to call it a day unless the superintendent himself, who conveniently lived in town, about a block from the school I'm guessing, couldn't make it to the front door of the lonely building.

In Minnesota, it is considered a moral failure, I believe, to give in to the flurry of white precipitation falling from the sky, an attitude which I think persists to this day. Although I recognize that perseverance is a virtue, I must confess that I am morally weak in the area of get up and go where snow and cold are concerned. So I got up and went to the mid-south, where snow is an occasional event, rather than a November onset, half the year reality. And even then, I am left resentful and unhappy about it.

But getting back on track, here, on those rare moments when the one hour delay turned into two, and then finally, unwillingly, the moment of victory was declared, and we were freed for the day, it was like Christmas and the Fourth of July all rolled into one. It was an endless prospect of time and space, when I could read, watch television, play with my toys, or dolls, or pets, or just simply lay around in front of the heating vent, since my mother was then, as now, the queen of frugality***, and kept the house at a nippy degree of coolness all winter long.

***In a disclaimer on my mother's behalf, she is never, ever cold, and keeps the house at a temperature that she finds comfortable. She never stops moving long enough for the cold to catch her, is my theory, while I, on the other hand, am a lazy and ineffectual worker, thus, never running the risk of breaking a sweat.

My dog, Petite, and I used to fight over the space on the floor in front of the vent from which the heat would emerge. She, in her pathetic shivering, would look so downtrodden as I removed her from in front of the heat source, but I was aiming for the survival of the fittest, and it was going to be me. I would grab my ever-present book and lie down on the floor in front of the register, usually with a blanket forming a tent over the grill, and while away the hours reading something pertinent, like Agatha Christie or James Joyce. [My eclectic tastes are not something new. I've always been a little... different.]

I wasn't really one to go out and play in the snow, unless I was thrown into a snowbank by a displeased relative. [That really happened once. My dad told me he was going to throw me in a snowbank, and I got lippy and told him to go ahead. So he did.] I preferred a nodding, distant acquaintanceship with the outdoors, even at the best of times, rather than getting all up close and personal with it. Occasionally I would get on all the gear and go out and sled on the hill created by the railroad tracks behind our house, but eventually I would find myself wrapped around a tree or needing to use the restroom, and I was done.

As I got older, snow days were less and less attractive, because then it threw off my entire week, which was very annoying. I am not really into change, as a general rule. These days, it just knocks me off balance and makes me crabby. If I am set to do something, I don't like anything getting in the way. Unexpected deviations are no longer exciting but a nuisance for me, and if it means I must alter my pre-planned ideas, I am rendered useless, because I will instantly lose track of myself, anyway.

But as I was talking to the man in Edina, who was enraptured by the possibilities that were opening up in front of his eyes as he glanced out the window in front of his desk, [obviously, he's like 24 years old, and hasn't hit any life walls yet,] it brought all the hope and promise and thrill back to my mind, and transported me to a time when life was simpler for me - the future was filled with potential, and dreams were still something that could be transposed into reality.

It was a nice little mental vacation in the midst of a less than spectacular day, and a good reminder that one should always be open to the possibilities life throws your way. You just never know when your dream could come true. Although, as I have pointed out before, I am no Cinderella, and Prince Charming was only a fantasy. But perhaps the real ending will be that she didn't need him after all, and lived happily ever after anyway. Now that is a fairy tale I can get behind.

The beat[ing] goes on....

Well, imagine my mirth upon arising this morning to the news that the esteemed mayor to our area's leading city is back in the news again this morning. From within the safe confines of his own residential address, I might add. I feel I simply must update you on the latest volley he is throwing in the direction of the hapless city council, not to mention the long suffering populace, given that it was only yesterday when I offered them up for your reading pleasure to begin with.

It seems that His Honor, the Mayor, is now going to sue the very city over which he currently presides as leader. I kid you not, he gave an interview from his living room, which, as I mentioned yesterday, is currently serving as his office, so it must be real. He stated that the volunteer ordinance recently passed by the city council is unconstitutional, because it is targeting his wife, Gloria, and he cannot let it go. Thus, he is filing a lawsuit, against... his own administration.

Personally, I am wondering how all this is going to play out. Talk about your conflicts of interest - this has to be the granddaddy of them all. As the mayor, he is certainly entitled to be privy to strategy sessions regarding the city response to a lawsuit against it. And, of course, he is spearheading that very same lawsuit, thus he will be the driving force in strategizing on the other side as well. Hm. What to do, what to do? I wonder if this will keep him up nights, as his inner selves battle it out for supremacy?

The biggest question I have? Will he recommend the city settle with himself? Or is he going to advocate for battling it out in court, fighting to the final bloody tooth and nail? It should be fascinating to see the negotiation process, as he hops from one side of the table to the other, arguing both positions. Or not. I am telling you, this is better than fiction, because you just cannot make this stuff up. No one would believe it.

Something I forgot to mention yesterday. The esteemed mayor is about 6 feet 8 inches tall, and somewhat resembles Abraham Lincoln. Not his politics, just his face. Somehow, I don't see Abraham having this kind of trouble controlling either his wife or the most inept city council since Pendergast was the fox in the hen house.

The Letters to the Editor have been pretty entertaining in and of themselves, of course. The mayor has now been nicknamed Lurch by some of his many detractors, which is not that far off, really. There is a superficial resemblance there, which is particularly noticeable when he is upset, as he generally is these days.

His own wife calls him Funk, which our esteemed local paper, in the comments area, automatically censors for its similarity to another word that is not so nice. But of course, the effect makes things even worse. Now, every time someone calls him Funk, it gets XXXX'ed out, making the comment look even nastier than, in fact, it was, and some of them are pretty nasty, indeed.

The recall is shortly to ensue, it seems, if the more rabid letter writers are to be believed. Which they aren't, of course. One thing you can be sure of in Kansas City - nothing will ever really happen, because nothing ever does. But I'm here to tell you, the ongoing soap opera over there is guaranteed to keep entertaining us for months to come. Speaking of Rome burning while Nero plays....

When I got up this morning, I intended to write about my home state and snow, but honestly, this is the kind of reality television that just cannot be ignored. For years I have labored under the apparent misapprehension that my life was unusually lurid and chaotic. I had no idea of what else was lying in wait just over the border into The Land That Time Forgot.

Doesn't this make you feel better about your own life, now? Whatever else may be wrong in your life, at least you aren't having to sue yourself over it. Cheers!

Everything's up to date in Kansas City?

I am going to be a maverick today and not talk about the outcome of the election. There, don't you feel better already?

Well, I sort of lied, but trust me, you will be entertained. I simply cannot resist mentioning that our neighbors to the east are, as usual, indecisive about everything they voted on. The jury is still out for them on the presidential election, long after the concession speeches have been made and the victory celebrations are concluded. They have now voted on light rail for the eighth time, defeating their previous positive vote by now voting against it. Again.

Living next door to Kansas City provides endless opportunities to be amused and appalled in equal measure. One would think Quantrill and John Brown were still spearheading their raids, the way the border war continues to rage in some quarters. But honestly, it's not a fair fight. The Sunflower State has it's issues, certainly, but there is simply nothing to compare to politics as usual in Kansas City.

For example, the latest major brouhaha centers on the battle between the mayor, Mark Funkhouser, and their city council. I'll bet you didn't know you could work from home if you were the mayor of the leading city in a major metro area, did you? Well, neither did the KC city council. But, it seems, they underestimated the silliness that could occur when a perfectly adequate auditor would be elevated into his current position as mayor.

He was elected with all good intentions, as people generally are. He was an excellent auditor, kept track of the financial failings of the city to our east as well as it is possible to do. He had lots of plans to clean up the corruption and nepotism and patronage that are still rampant in a city that time has forgotten, and the voters were happy to finally have a grown-up to work for them. Or so they thought.

Enter his wife, Gloria. She is quite the interesting character. They should be a television show. Seriously. She is a mid-wife with an earthy mouth and a pithy sense of humor, the hippie that time left behind. She is always running around in bare feet and long flowing dresses, and requiring foot rubs from the mayor while he is trying to work on official city business. She calls herself a doula, and she teaches childbirth classes from their home and attends her mothers with the love and care that she lavishes on all who come into her sphere. Except, of course, the city council, whom she apparently lives to drive right around the bend.

As soon as the mayor was installed in office, she installed herself just outside his office door, a gatekeeper to greatness, it seems. She called herself a volunteer, since nepotism laws prevented him from putting her on the payroll. She serves as his personal assistant, and writes cards and letters, greets visitors, and schedules appointments for the mayor, as well as vetting those who wish to speak to him on a daily basis. Including the paid city staff, not to mention, the city council members.

She was already a thorn in the side of the paid staff when disaster struck. One of the employees in the office, whom they, themselves, had hired, no less, an old family friend, it seems, sued for discrimination, due to some ill conceived remarks by Gloria the Mouth. Without going into the legalities, the disagreements that were already running fairly high in the office spilled into the open, and the local paper got hold of the dissension in the ranks.

We have, ever since, been treated to a daily side show that Hollywood, if only they knew we were out here in the Land of the Flyover, would certainly try to make a show. Instead of West Wing we would have Left Wing. As in, the mayor has left the building.

The city council, in response to the public outcry over tax dollars being spent to defend the city and the mayor's office from the consequences of Gloria's volunteering, instituted, after much arguing and public discussion, a new rule disallowing volunteering by the families of the city council and the mayor's office except on occasional basis in the city offices. Apparently, they thought that would be the end of it, but they reckoned without the crafty mayor putting his rather substantial brain power to the situation.

His next move was predictable, to those of us on the outside looking in, but the myopic city council was gobsmacked, of course, as they usually are when things don't go their way. He is now working out of his very own home, conducting city business from his residential neighborhood, and his wife still by his side.

They are no newlyweds, by the way. they have been married for some 30 plus years. He simply cannot seem to function in his role as mayor without her to hold his hand.

When I woke up a few days ago to the front page news that Mark and Gloria's Excellent Adventure had gone on the road, I gave a brief snort of derision toward the city council who had not foreseen this outcome, but had to giggle at the same time. Thankfully, I don't live there, and my tax dollars are not going to support this silly nonsense. I can laugh, because I'm not responsible for it.

So, the situation to date, is Mark and Gloria, 2, City Council, -1. The council settled the lawsuit, while Gloria fights on in court, ensuring that, for the immediate future, we will continue to be entertained periodically by the antics of the First Pair.

In case you were thinking there was nothing better to do in Kansas City, I will tell you that it could almost not be worse. The murder rate is skyrocketing, the streets are falling apart in front of their eyes. They have a school district, unaccredited, in nationwide disrepute, with the 20th superintendent in not too many more years.

In fact, last year, seven schools proposed to secede from the union of Kansas City Schools and move to Independence, an irony that has been totally lost on everyone, it seems, except me. In an election in which people in both districts were required to vote approval by a majority, it was a landslide. Apparently, even the people of KC itself know it's a lost cause, and voted for anyone who could to save themselves. Which was probably not a bad idea, since the KC school teachers currently have no contract, and are now accusing the school board of negotiating in bad faith.

I should take the situation across the border seriously, I suppose, but I cannot help but giggle over it all. It tickles my fancy that an entire city can not only be dysfunctional, but a complete mess, and in public. They are like a family party gone awry - fighting over anything and everything, with no one even remembering what they were fighting about in the first place.

Why share this tale with you today? Well, I think it's hilarious, of course. I simply cannot help but be tickled by the improbable actions of a mayor who is determined to win at all costs, and the city council who will not cry uncle when they are clearly down for the count. But I also thought if you are frustrated by the outcome of one election or another, I will lift your spirits and give you a giggle, because I promise you, no matter what the outcome of your election, the Show Me State will show you it could be worse.

I will keep you posted on how this all comes out. In the meantime, enjoy the day. Smile at a stranger. Be happy, because you don't live in Kansas City. Unless, in fact, you do. In which case, save yourself, cross the border. It's a lot funnier from over here.

An All American Day!

Today is election day, 2008 style. If you have failed thus far to exercise your American right and obligation to participate in the national process of choosing our course for the next two years (mid-term elections are for those who have second thoughts, after all,) then you need to put down your laptop or your cell phone, get in the car, and get to your polling place.

Voting is your privilege, one that thousands of men and women have fought and died for. You owe it to them, as much as yourself, to exercise the right that started with a harbor full of tea and a wild ride by Paul Revere. It brought Lincoln to the battlefield of Gettysburg, and took our soldiers to the Battle of Belleau Wood and the beaches of Normandy, the Battle of the Bulge and Iwo Jima. The defense of democracy has brought us to Korea and Vietnam and Afghanistan, and wherever we fight for the rights of people to guide their own futures, we are fighting a righteous battle of justice denied.

Voting is not a frivolous act. On the contrary, it is one of gravity and seriousness; one must approach that ballot with respect and contemplation. The American electoral process is the most peaceful large scale transition of power in the world, and people across the globe will be watching us to see how we handle the change.

I have been truly disheartened by this campaign season, in particular, as we have seen the electoral process subverted by several different voting irregularities. I do not care what party you believe has the answers, you should be equally appalled at voter registration fraud and the distribution of e-mail and flyers telling one party to vote on the wrong day.

I think both are equally damaging to the electoral process, and both should be prosecuted to the fullest extent that our federal laws allow. It is not a joke to interfere with the right and ability of a person to vote, and anyone who is disenfranchised because of the wrongful action of someone else is a person who has been cheated out of being part of their own solution. A person's right to vote is not rooted in being Republican or Democrat, it is the foundational right of being an American. To deny that makes you, in my opinion, not partisan, but un-American.

In an election where there is no incumbent, it is particularly exciting, because the opportunity to change course is greater. Whomever is the winner in the final count, they will most certainly bring in new people, have new ideas, approach our national problems, which at this juncture in our nation's history are monumental, in a new and fresh way. Regardless of what was said in the campaigns, the reality is that there are pressing problems, issues which are going to challenge us as a country, which must be solved with support by both sides. Without cooperation, we will surely fail, and our country will be the worse for it.

I recall clearly the first presidential advertisement that I saw, probably two years ago now. I can't recall for sure who it was - possibly Hillary Clinton - although my impression is that it was a minor candidate that never made it out of the starting gate. I groaned, fearing that it would be a long two years. I was right to groan, I believe, because it has, indeed, been a long two years of electioneering and campaigning, candidates haranguing us by television, telephone, print ads, e-mails, snail mail, and radio.

Do we really know our candidates any better because of the two year time frame? What is to stop a candidate from starting another campaign tomorrow? The cost, the time, and most importantly, the amount of work not getting done by our candidates who are on the trail, are too high.

I would like to know how many votes Barack Obama, John McCain, and Joe Biden have missed in the last two years, and how many they have made. I would also like to know how much they knew about the votes they did and did not make, and whether they voted through knowledge or because someone else told them how they thought. This is a bi-partisan crack of the whip - I think the problem is widespread, and goes in every direction.

The national election even disrupts the policy making process at the state level, as our governors and statewide elected representatives get on the campaign stump. My governor, Kathleen Sebelius, is a good case in point.

She is, by and large, a pretty good Governor, a Democrat of moderate persuasion overall, who has a long record of working with the heavily conservative Republican majority in the state legislature. However, in the last few months, she has spent far too much time on the national stage, in my opinion, and not nearly enough time on what it was she was elected to do here in Kansas. I am driven to contemplate whether she was running for a national position herself, and if our state interests were subverted to her political desires.

I would throw in Sarah Palin, but she is, in fact, the case in point for my own thesis, that a short time frame does not, in fact, prevent us from knowing a candidate. The reality is that with the 24 hour news cycle, and the widespread use of the internet, a person can go from unknown to an international figure in less than a day. I do not feel that there is any real stone left unturned with regard to someone whose name did not register for me three short months ago. I feel that I have her measure, and I know everything I need to about her character, her nature, her positions and her qualifications for being Vice President.

I want to limit the assault of campaigning. If you know me well, you have probably already heard my little diatribe, in fact. I believe that we, the people, have a right to live more or less campaign free for most of our lives. I don't believe it's necessary for a campaign to extend out two years before the election. On the contrary, I believe it disrupts the process of the government currently in power.

Therefore, I propose, in all earnestness, that we put strict limitations on when campaigns can go public. They can put together their committees, they can raise their funds privately, they can get the mechanics of a campaign machine together whenever they wish.

Furthermore, I believe it would be beneficial to have all of the parties (not just the big two, but all of them,) discuss, as a full party, what their platforms may be, and allow for input and discussion by their constituents, so that the ultimate party platforms, in fact, represent the ideas and wishes of the majority of their supporters, rather than the ideology of a fringe group on the outer edges that will serve no one but the small minority who supplied it.

Therefore, I would propose the following measures, to make the process more reasonable and less demanding on everyone, especially the voters.

First, I strongly believe the individuals should be limited in time frame from all this campaigning, particularly if they are elected currently to a post at the national or statewide level. In fact, I propose that campaigns should be limited in their widespread campaigning to the six weeks prior to the pertinent election, or, in the case of the presidential candidates, six weeks prior to their respective party conventions, and phone calls of any kind should simply be outlawed.

I also feel very strongly that federal level primaries should be nationwide, six weeks prior to the party conventions, which should be held in conjunction with each other, and should be just as the national elections, both parties, all candidates listed, on the same day. I don't feel that the quirky voters in Iowa or New Hampshire represent my ideas or opinions, and too many solid candidates are eliminated on the basis of whims that have nothing to do with the ability to govern this land.

In addition, negative campaigns should be strictly illegal, and those who use such tactics should be prosecuted for slander or liable, and the fines should be extremely severe. I do not want to hear someone's interpretation of their opponent's point of view. I can read, I can hear, and I can think for myself. Instead, tell me what YOU will do, how you will accomplish it, and what it will mean to me, the average person who will be affected by the grand plans you are making.

The freedom of speech proponents (my own son among them, no doubt,) will probably cry foul at the idea that campaigns will be stifled. In fact, I feel that the current system has silenced true discovery in favor of Fear Factor style reality television. We no longer know what our candidate will do, instead we know what they think of their opponent's ideas. Perhaps it is a conspiracy on the part of the candidates so they don't have to come up with their own ideas, I don't know. But I am in favor of substance, and I am not feeling patient about it any more.

This is an occasion where history will be made. We expect record breaking turn-outs, and participation is at an all time high. For the first time in my memory, young people, the 18-25 crowd, are excited and engaged in the process, and they are voting in record breaking numbers.

There are those who feel that our young people shouldn't have a large voice, because they are too inconsequential to understand the implications of their decision. I disagree. I think the youth are the ones who truly need to make their voices heard, because it is they who will ultimately have to pay the price for the decisions that are made today.

I welcome them with open arms, and additionally, I welcome all the immigrants who have become citizens in the last four years and who will cast a vote for the very first time. Whatever brought you to our land, I hope that the opportunity you have today to be a part of the process will not stop with one piece of paper, but will be transmitted to whatever part of the globe you formerly called home.

Please tell your friends, your family, your connections who remain wherever you started your life journey, about the thrill of helping to choose who will lead not only the United States, but in a very real way, the world, into the next four years. And tell them, too, what it is like to do so in an environment where the greatest election crime of the day is not death threats, but the distribution of Starbucks, to induce people to get to the polls.

I encourage you, whatever your persuasions, to get out and participate in democracy in action today. Do it for those who have fought defending the right. Do it for our children and the future. Most of all, do it for yourself, so that you will know, whatever the outcome, you have a right to complain because you participated.

I leave you with the extremely brief, but always compelling, and still surprisingly pertinent words of Abraham Lincoln, delivered on the battle field at Gettysburg, on November 19, 1863:

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

"Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

"But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."