Auld lang syne? I think not....

For most parents, one of their highest priorities is to protect their child from hurt and pain wherever possible. This natural impulse leads us to overprotect sometimes, which is not only not good for the child, it's not even good for us.

When we have made a decision that doesn't work out well, especially the big life decisions, we want to share the reasons for the poor outcome with the people we love most. We say we are trying to prevent them from repeating our mistakes. We joke about how we've already made that mistake, so they don't have to.

But in truth, we don't have all the answers, no matter how much we believe we do. In fact, I have recently realized, as my children have grown and matured, that my reality is as different from theirs as mine is from my own mom's. My past doesn't necessarily equate to their future, even if they make the same choices I did, because everything else about their decision is different.

This realization has surprised me, like everything else about being a parent, and has reminded me that we never stop learning on the job.

Fortunately, children are stubborn and willful, and quite often, they are determined to make their own mistakes. Parenting is like watching someone walk into the water over their head. We wave our arms and run after them, shouting to them that they can't swim. But quite often, they do it anyway. Over and over and over again.

But here's the thing - if you have provided them with lessons and equipped them with the tools to swim, then there is no reason that they can't do it, even if you couldn't. You may not have had lessons, you may not have enjoyed swimming, you may have been hampered by heavy clothing or burdens your children don't have.

None of that matters, because your children are unique and separate individuals, and their experience will be different than yours. It may not be pretty, there will probably be a lot of dog paddling and treading water, but they won't necessarily drown, even if they don't follow your advice.

Of course, some things are a surefire mistake, every time. For example, if you don't do your homework, you will be unprepared for class and will probably fail. Like many life lessons, this is one that children need to learn sooner rather than later, so the earlier you allow them to learn it, the better.

Ironically, you can rarely tell a child simple truths and have the lesson absorbed without personal experience. It's part of human nature, I think, to want to learn things for yourself, and most kids eventually have to fail before they understand the importance of doing what they are told.

Other things, especially the big life lessons, are not so clear cut and obvious. As a mom, I want to have the answers for my kids, but too often, I simply don't. Because my own experience is colored by the people in it, and my children will not duplicate my circumstances exactly, their outcome may be completely different, even when they are facing the same choices.

Before my children were born, I thought it would all be so much easier when they were born, because then I could see them and be reassured all was well. Then they were born, and I thought how much easier it would be when they could talk, and tell me what was wrong or where they were hurting. Then they could talk, and I realized that I can't make it all go away, no matter how much they tell me, because I'm not God, and some things have to be endured on their own.

Now that they are young adults, the difficulties in knowing the right answer have been magnified, because now their problems have no easy solutions. Their life story has been very different from mine, and even from each other, which has colored all of our opinions and outcomes. Their answers depend on who they are, what their motivations are, who they are with, and their own basic personalities, none of which are exactly the same as mine, even as they grapple with the same life choices I did 25 years ago.

When they come to me for advice, and they often do, I give them the benefit of my experience. I can explain the choices I made and why, and what the outcome was or how I might have done things differently. But no matter how sure I am of what I'm saying, it is not the same as knowing what is right for them, because their lives are separate and different from mine.

For example, I got married at 23, an age that I believe is too young for most people to make that lifelong commitment. My reason for that strongly held belief rests mostly in the fact that I know I was too young, and most people aren't done with the dramatic transformation from child to adult until a few years later. Ultimately, I made a mistake that not only I will have to live with the rest of my life, but they have to, as well, and I wouldn't want them to have that same experience. Therefore, I tell them to wait until they are more mature and can make a more informed decision.

However, the reality is that I know a lot of people who got married younger than that, and they have happy, healthy long term marriages that clearly still work. So my advice, based on my reality, just doesn't hold true, even in the context of my close circle of friends, among whom being divorced is an anomaly rather than the rule.

Based on my experience, my instinct tells me that you should choose a college major that is practical, because my impractical English and religion majors got me nowhere when it came time to find a job. And yet, my son, the thinker, is getting a Ph.D. in philosophy in one of the top programs in the country, and will probably have a job waiting for him upon graduation. His route to success will be his own, and his story will have a different outcome, because he is a different person with different drives and motivations. Thus, my own life experience doesn't hold appropriate answers for him, any more than it does for my daughter, who is different yet again.

Parenting is the most difficult and challenging learning experience that you will ever have. Everything you think you know will get turned inside out by someone you can hold in your arms, and it never stops. I laugh when I hear young people who have not yet had children talk about what they will do as parents, and how much better they will do it than their parents did, because they simply don't know how naive that truly is. It's a universal phenomenon that people who don't have children have all the answers - it's also universal that once the children arrive, you begin to find out how little you know about everything.

There is a phrase, live and learn, which becomes more meaningful to me the older I get, because life has been nothing if not a learning process. Sometimes I think the curve is way too shallow, because I seem to need a lot more review than should be necessary. But my children have been the greatest teachers I could have had, because they are individual and entertaining and unique and separate. Each one has his or her own strengths and weaknesses, and even between them, I see the same choices working differently. The paths that they have chosen will take them in totally different directions, and it is fascinating to watch them grow into who they will ultimately be.

I am looking forward to this phase of my life, where my children will own the outcome of all their decisions, and I will merely be an observer. After 25 years as a coach and a guide, I look forward to being a cheerleader and an observer, and I am waiting with avid curiosity to see where life leads them.

Wherever their journey goes, I know it will be different than mine, no matter what choices they make. And I am content in the knowledge that my mistakes will not be theirs. That is enough for today.