Photographic memories....

I have a cousin who is putting old family photos online for all of us to enjoy. I have to be honest, I am really pleased to be the beneficiary of her largess. Instead of keeping these things to herself, she is allowing the entire extended group, of which there are a lot of us, the opportunity to enjoy these pictures, and the relationships shown in them, vicariously.

Back when these photos were taken, in the 40's and 50's, photographs were expensive to obtain, and they didn't waste time documenting every minute of their lives. Instead, they wanted a snapshot to remind them of happy times together, with the people who mattered most. Although there are some friends included, and extended relatives, it's interesting to see how many of them are with each other. Arms around each other's waists, revealing photos of adoring younger sisters gazing at their older brother, or brides and grooms looking so young and happy together, and lots of babies being held by everyone - it's self-evident how much they loved each other, and how important these people were to them.

It is interesting to contrast these photos with the pictures that my daughter puts online of herself and her friends on their facebook pages. I can hardly get my daughter to take a picture with me these days, and as a consequence, we have very few of the two of us from her teenaged years. She would rather pose and make funny faces with her friends to publish to the world - it's more fun, and after all, she sees me all the time. She doesn't worry about posterity - she is still young, and the future is a long ways away.

My dad was our family photographer, and thus, we have very few pictures of him. He always had the movie camera in front of his face, and he was a genius at recognizing that you should document the everyday moments, because that is what you will want to remember in years to come. So his movies have lots of film of children playing and people laughing and having a good time together, eating and celebrating the holidays and the family times. If we were on vacation, he included the scenery, of course. But if you really pay attention, the scenery is a backdrop for the people in front of it - a pretty background for what really mattered to him. In fact, he faithfully documented everything but the one thing I most wish for - some photographs of him, just being himself.

How I wish, now, that we had been smarter, and turned the camera on him sometimes. I wish that I could bring him back for more than the fleeting moment of movie film that we have, when he is here and gone again for a flickering second, or a mere photograph or two. I lost my dad when I was 12, so my internal vision is of a little girl for her daddy. I love to see the photographs where he is framed by someone else's vision. It gives me an insight into the father that I never had a chance to know.

And yet, I haven't learned from my own experience. I realized, after Christmas this year, that there are virtually no photos of me, other than the posed family shots that we take each year to memorialize our aging group. There are no candid shots, no moments where I am caught unawares, and therefore, most myself. I regret that I am leaving little record for my own children to have, and I wonder if they will be as frustrated in years to come as I am now with my own father for being so elusive.

Kids today take photos for granted. They have had their entire lives documented in minute detail, each milestone duly recorded, their every moment preserved forever in a celluloid world that no one has time to watch. I wonder how many of those parents enjoyed those moments in the moment, though. I always feel like I am a step removed if I have the video camera in front of my face, more concerned about getting The Shot than enjoying the occasion.

As a result, I stopped engaging in that behavior a few years ago. My video camera is broken, in fact. And while I probably should be sorry, and get a new one, I find I don't really care all that much. I don't ever watch those videos anyway, and I would rather enjoy the moments as they come. But will my children be regret-filled, because they have nothing left of me when I am no longer here with them?

We have recently heard in the news about kids photographing the most foolish behaviors, and then posting them online for all the world to see. From a group of girls videotaping themselves beating their friend nearly to death, just for the fun of seeing it on You Tube, to a famous Olympian inhaling from a bong, it is sort of shocking to me that they could be so stupid, so lacking in the common sense that would prevent them from self-destructing in that way.

But I think a lot of their problem is simply that they are so accustomed to being photographed, it is part of their natural environment, and they don't even notice it any more. They don't worry about privacy or even that their boss or teacher might see the offending picture, because it doesn't occur to them that it might be an issue. They might check with Michael Phelps to see whether that is a smart way to handle themselves.

And that is what has struck me this morning, as I perused my cousin's treasure trove of memories. That difference in attitude shows up in the family album that she is posting online. Back then, they saved the expensive photos for the people that were most important to them. They didn't waste that precious money on the trivial or people who wouldn't be there forever. Instead, they wanted to memorialize those that were most valued, to record the moments that would be important in their own, and the family's, history.

Today, kids take photos of everything but the important moments. They have cameras on their cell phones, and document everything their friends do, so they will have a record of their daily life that will be unmatched. But I wonder how many of them have pictures of their parents or their grandparents in an album somewhere?

When they look back with their grandchildren fifty years from now, I wonder how many of these people they will be able to name, much less still care about? Will they even know the people who fill their albums or their memory bank of photos? Instead of looking at treasured family members long gone, and recollecting the stories that the sight of their faces will trigger, will they be looking at empty memories of times that, in the long run, didn't really matter at all?

My cousin has a treasure trove of memories on her new blogspot - one to which we can each contribute. We all need to go through the family albums and find those wonderful photos of years gone by, and the people we love, so we can all share in it and be a part of that history, too.

Take a picture with someone important to you today. Life is short - you have no time to waste. Save your history for your descendants. And don't forget to put the names and dates on them. That way you will never forget, and your memories can come alive for your grandchildren, and their grandchildren, too.

Mark and Gloria's Excellent Adventure, Redoux....

Several people have kindly requested an update on Mark and Gloria's excellent adventure. For those playing along at home, Mark and Gloria are the not-so-esteemed mayor of Kansas City, Mark Funkhouser, and his wife, Gloria Squitiro.

This tale began a year ago, moments after Mark was sworn into office, with the discrimination lawsuit filed by a former employee in the mayor's office, who found the ever-present Volunteer Gloria's remarks, such as calling her Mammy, thus leading to the term, Mammy-gate, offensive. [Personally, I think this Mayorship was a dead horse right out of the gate, but maybe that's just me. Oh, and did I mention the aggrieved suit-filer is African American, something which apparently slipped Gloria's notice during the preceding 15 years of friendship?]

Add to that the Mayor's oft-stated desire to have Gloria on site to hold his hand (or feet) while he works, and the outcome was obvious. Gloria has been banned from city hall by law, a thumb of the nose passed by the council especially for her.

I would give winners and losers, here, but I'm not sure which is which, except the populace, who have clearly lost their minds by electing this whole bunch in the first place.

To continue the recap of previous episodes, that was when they put the wheels under their circus and hit the road. First, they moved the mayor's office from city hall to their home in the Brookside area of the city. Next, and I think this is my favorite part, they are suing the city to try to get the law undone. Then they went to New York to tattle about it all on the national morning shows.

So, to sum up, they are now running the city of Kansas City out of their home, and Mark continues to be unable to function as mayor without her. Of course, if it weren't for negative publicity, Kansas City wouldn't get any, and at least they weren't talking about the murder rate. Nero continues to play, Rome continues to burn and all that.

But it seems they aren't finished with us yet. I am happy to provide the update that they have once again taken their traveling show mobile. Now that the furor has died down, [apparently there are some actual problems out there in the real world to be dealt with, and the council is busily trying to figure out where the missing $50 million in the budget is going to come from,] and to the amusement of virtually everyone (except the actual residents of KC, of course,) Mark and Gloria have once again put wheels to the pavement. In the latest wrinkle in our time, they are now holding their weekly staff meetings in the public library branch halfway between their home and city hall.

This shortens the drive time for the confused employees who actually do show up for work downtown at headquarters, and who are not getting reimbursed by the city for their travel costs associated with this out of grounds [or out of bounds, if you ask the public] meeting. I am sure it's entirely by coincidence that this has put the whole spectacle squarely back into the public eye, just as it was all fading from view.

The best comment I read was from a city council member, who gave the tight lipped response, "It's a very fine library. I'm sure they will find the accommodations to be excellent."

In these days of budget tightening, it seems Mark and Glo may have actually found a creative new way to cut costs. Let's just get rid of city hall, and conduct the city's business like a telecommuting job with meetings at the local library. Hey, as a young man I know pointed out, the President runs the whole country out of his house, so it can work. Kudos to them for economizing.

I'm not so sure the people of KC are well served this way, but on the other hand, I'm not so sure they are any worse off, either. Dysfunctional family that they are, they rarely accomplish anything to write home about, anyway, so if this reduces the antics of the elected and not so elected officials in charge, perhaps that is all for the best.

I am amused at the idea of a mayor who thinks you can take the whole city on a field trip to his own home. (Of course, it's a lot easier to be entertained when it's not your mayor, but since I live in the suburbs, we sort of have to claim him by proxy, anyway.) For an auditor, which is what he is by training, he is a pretty creative thinker. He was given a problem - the removal of his wife from his side for part of each day - and he has problem solved and come up with a solution - city hall is now a mobile enterprise.

While I don't really envision this as a long term plan for effective leadership, there is no doubt that he is not hiding in his office at city hall. Meeting in the library, he is out in the community, seeing the public, and being seen. In truth, I suspect this mayor may be more in touch with the common man than any mayor in a long time.

For the life of me, I can't understand why I feel this way, because he has been a complete fool in his handling of this whole situation, but he is starting to intrigue me and win me over. His bold certainty of the righteousness of his position in the face of total opposition is sort of inspiring, in a weird kind of way. Maybe it's because I'm divorced, and my ex, Mr. Unfaithful, would have thrown me over for a dirty sock, (in fact, he more or less did, if you count the woman to whom that sock was attached,) but that kind of devotion to his wife looks rather astounding, from where I sit.

If Hizzonor is willing to be this devoted to his wife, I wonder if he is also this devoted to the people who elected him. He was a very fine auditor for many years, always willing to take on city hall if there was a need, and unflinching in his dedication to holding the city leaders to the fire. It seems, from the outside, that he has become confused about who is in charge, but maybe, in the end, it's him that has it right.

Perhaps we are so accustomed to politicians bending to the will of every prevailing wind, we don't know character when we see it.

Or maybe he is just as crazy as we all think he is, and this is just the latest installment of the civic experiment gone awry.

I don't know, but I will keep you up to date as this reality show continues to entertain from coast to coast. Take heart. He runs for re-election in two years, and he has already thrown his hat into the ring. While the local newspaper has withdrawn it's endorsement from the last time around, [I never knew they could retrospectively withdraw endorsements - too bad we can't do that with our votes when things don't work out the way we expect,] and recall petitions have been floated, he boldly stated that he will not only run, but win. This could be pretty good entertainment. And the best part is, it's all free.