Tonight, I feasted on the fruits of my mother's hard earned labors. It's not the first time I have benefited from her largess, of course, but never has it been more welcome than when stuffing fresh produce from her garden into my facial orifice designed for just that purpose. On the menu tonight was fresh coleslaw, pea pods, new potatoes unhilled just minutes before they were popped into the boiling water, and a homemade apple pie. It was a delicious end to an exciting day of gastronomic ecstasy, and I enjoyed every culinary highlight.
The women of yesteryear were, undeniably, overworked and underpaid. Probably under-appreciated, too. But there must have been an enormous amount of satisfaction in putting a table laden with food they grew with their own hard effort in front of their families day after day after day.
My mother grew up on a farm in the midst of the depression, and they certainly didn't enjoy a lot spare morsels. But they didn't starve, either, and she certainly learned how to make food stretch. It was a handy skill, since my parents were none too well off, and she watched the budget with an eagle eye.
My parents took the self-sustaining lifestyle a little further than most people, and grew their own meat, as well. They would butcher a steer and fill the freezer with the delicious cuts of meat with nary a hormone in sight. Grass fed cattle was the only kind there was on our farm, and it wasn't a trendy lifestyle decision so much as a statement of making the most of the little we had.
I think my dad would find it pretty peculiar that you get to pay extra these days for something that was grown the old fashioned way. But the steaks and ground beef that came at the end of the hard work were flavorful and delicious, no matter how simply they were prepared, which is more than I can say for most of the expensive cuts of meat I purchase at the local supermarket today.
My dad would occasionally hunt, too, and pheasant from the freezer was an occasional treat. My mother would get out her big pressure cooker and tenderize that meat until it just melted off the bone. I had no idea it was a delicacy. I just thought it was delicious, and the more so because my dad had brought it to our table himself.
I think that the elemental nature of food back then must have given a deep feeling of satisfaction and well being to those who produced the bounty - seeing your hard work translated into the tasty dishes born to the table with pride and thanksgiving had to be very gratifying. They didn't go crazy with spices and condiments, but perhaps that was because they weren't needed. The food itself was so flavorful and succulent that all the extras simply weren't required.
I often look at the fruits and vegetables in the modern supermarket, and it's hard to get too excited about any of it. They are pretty, of course. Tomatoes are so red they almost glow. Apples are unblemished, and perfectly formed. Beans don't have brown spots and pea pods are beautifully packaged, ready to steam still in the freezer bag in which they were packaged.
As perfect as they look, however, where is the flavor to tickle your taste buds? Where is the aroma that draws you in like flies to birthday cake on a summer day? The beautiful outsides hide the emptiness within, which is a good metaphor for a lot of things besides our food these days, if you ask me.
There is something enticing about a garden full of growing vegetables, green and lush and begging to be pulled or picked or cut. There are no carrots in a hermetically sealed bag that come close to the succulent sweetness of a carrot pulled up fresh from the soil. Fresh picked cabbage has a mild flavor unknown to those who have only experienced what comes from the shelves of a supermarket far from the field in which it was grown. Pea pods are tender and delicate and filled with a delicious flavor unattainable from something pulled from the freezer.
There are many things I love about coming home, of course. Running away from my "real" life is prime among them. But I also love coming home to enjoy the bounty my mother provides from her garden, and reliving, for a brief few days, the joys of my childhood when we lived on fresh produce for dinner and supper for weeks on end.
You may not be able to go home again, but you can certainly revisit the past in your mind. And there is nothing like the smell and taste of fresh garden produce to take 40 years off my memory.
Grow a garden - save the planet. Or at least enjoy a fresh picked meal grown with your own hard effort. It's a satisfaction that passes all understanding, and if you are Lutheran, you will understand this is most certainly true!
Happy eating, and enjoy the summer bounty. And don't forget the pie!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Independence Day....
In 1776, our forefathers declared the independence of this nation for the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. Turns out, some people are little confused as to what it's all about, though.
A recent poll tells us that almost 50% of Americans do not know what year we declared our independence, and if you limit it to those under 30, the percentage is even lower. I'm happy to report that 75% of them did know that we were leaving Great Britain in our dust. That must have come as a huge surprise to the other 25%, since we are constantly told by the media that Great Britain is our closest ally, and the Royal Wedding got more coverage on our national news networks than the impending debt ceiling doom discussions in Congress. (And never mind Canada, who is saddled with us, no matter how much they may try to distance themselves. Not that they don't have their own issues, what with Quebec and all.)
Am I the only one who thinks those statistics are rather appalling? I thought we weren't leaving any children behind any more? Sounds like a lot of these people missed the boat.
I have always found the 4th of July to be an odd little national diversion. We are celebrating our separation from the country that now stands as a proud second at our international duels. I'm not sure that's what the forefathers had in mind when they started this whole little brouhaha in the land of the free and home of the brave, but hey, whatever, right? Gotta be flexible when you're the BMOC.
As a word-worker, a purveyor of thoughts and ideas through written prose, I am always filled with admiration for those whose writing rings clear and true through the years. If you have never taken a gander at the Declaration of Independence, which was, after all, the kickoff point for today's barbecue, swimming pool and fireworks celebrations, I strongly encourage you to take the time and read it. It's short, it's to the point, and it is a powerful statement about what the founding fathers actually had in mind when they risked their lives and everything they had for a crazy idea called democracy.
If you are an American, and these words don't inspire and excite you on this sacred day in our nation's history, then you are a colder person than me. Thank you to all the men and women in our nation's history who have been willing to sacrifice their all in order for us to enjoy this day, and each and every other day that we are fortunate enough to be a cog on the planet that we call Earth, as a citizen of the United States of America.
Happy Independence Day!
IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
— John Hancock
New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
A recent poll tells us that almost 50% of Americans do not know what year we declared our independence, and if you limit it to those under 30, the percentage is even lower. I'm happy to report that 75% of them did know that we were leaving Great Britain in our dust. That must have come as a huge surprise to the other 25%, since we are constantly told by the media that Great Britain is our closest ally, and the Royal Wedding got more coverage on our national news networks than the impending debt ceiling doom discussions in Congress. (And never mind Canada, who is saddled with us, no matter how much they may try to distance themselves. Not that they don't have their own issues, what with Quebec and all.)
Am I the only one who thinks those statistics are rather appalling? I thought we weren't leaving any children behind any more? Sounds like a lot of these people missed the boat.
I have always found the 4th of July to be an odd little national diversion. We are celebrating our separation from the country that now stands as a proud second at our international duels. I'm not sure that's what the forefathers had in mind when they started this whole little brouhaha in the land of the free and home of the brave, but hey, whatever, right? Gotta be flexible when you're the BMOC.
As a word-worker, a purveyor of thoughts and ideas through written prose, I am always filled with admiration for those whose writing rings clear and true through the years. If you have never taken a gander at the Declaration of Independence, which was, after all, the kickoff point for today's barbecue, swimming pool and fireworks celebrations, I strongly encourage you to take the time and read it. It's short, it's to the point, and it is a powerful statement about what the founding fathers actually had in mind when they risked their lives and everything they had for a crazy idea called democracy.
If you are an American, and these words don't inspire and excite you on this sacred day in our nation's history, then you are a colder person than me. Thank you to all the men and women in our nation's history who have been willing to sacrifice their all in order for us to enjoy this day, and each and every other day that we are fortunate enough to be a cog on the planet that we call Earth, as a citizen of the United States of America.
Happy Independence Day!
IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
— John Hancock
New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day....
Today, June 19, 2011, is Father's Day. We set aside one day a year to honor the fathers among us, something that should be a simple, straight forward occasion. But somewhere along the line, the relationship between fathers and children has gotten complicated, confusing, and fraught with pitfalls.
Mother's Day is an easy slam dunk. We know the role of mothers in the lives of their children, and most children, whether they are five years or 15 years or 55 years, know and appreciate the sacrifices our mothers make for us.
Fathers, on the other hand, are not so clear. Fully 25% of American households with minor children have no father present at all for one reason or another. Whether death or divorce or simply never having been in the picture, that is a lot of children without a father to look up to, to honor, to emulate, to idolize.
I read not too long ago that more children in this country live with a step-father than their biological father. That is a shocking statistic, as well. The bottom line in all these numbers is that more children are living without their very own father as an active, daily participant in their lives than have them, and I think that is something which should worry all of us. What are these children learning about the role of fathers in parenting, when their own father is so willing to step aside for another man, or no man, in the family circle.
Sometimes it's not their fault, of course. In my own case, death deprived me of my father, and he of me, and together we were unwilling participants in that statistical misfortune. But most of the time, choices are made, and the children are the ones paying the real price for their fractured families. With so many men on the outside of their own family circle looking in, I fear for the future of the family structure, which is still, in my personal opinion, the best way to raise up a child in the way they should go.
This is not to disparage step-fathers in any way. Some of the best fathers I know are fathers-by-marriage, instead of fathers-by-nature. It takes a special sort of person to take on someone else's family, in addition to a marriage, and to make that work for everyone.
Nor do I mean to give short shrift to single mothers, something with which I have up close and personal experience, so I know just how impossible a job it can be.
But no matter how hard she works to fill in the gaps, a mother brings a different relationship to the family table. She is not a father, and she cannot substitute for what is missing when he is not there. Fathers are a critical element in the raising of a well adjusted child. Mothers alone are incomplete, and say what you want about the situation, it's not the ideal one for their children.
My complaint, in short, is that there are too many impediments today which drive a wedge between fathers and their children, even when they are in the home. Too many men are allowed to simply walk away as if they don't matter, as if they are a luxury instead of a necessity, as if they are not a critical piece of their child's upbringing, as well as their DNA. By making fathers irrelevant, by excusing those who fail to fulfill their obligations to the children they have been a part of creating, we have weakened the very fabric that holds our society together. And we aren't doing their children any favors, either.
The media has much to answer for, as they have moved from Howard Cunningham and Heathcliff Huxtable to fathers who are hapless and helpless in the face of their more sophisticated and intelligent children. Media dads are made to look foolish and silly, and the almost incessant put downs on programs and movies aimed at our young people ooze with disrespect, not only towards their fathers but towards authority figures in general.
But there is more to it than that, and the fissure extends more deeply into the structure of our society. Too many men are allowed to walk away from their responsibilities, not held accountable by society for their actions or their offspring, and our children, and by extension all of us, are the worse for it.
Women are frequently accused of pushing men out of their children's lives, and I imagine that does occasionally happen. But most of the moms I know would love to have an active, helpful father in the picture, one who was willing to put their children's needs ahead of themselves and their own desires. Most women I know spend a lot of time building up and making excuses for the father who is not actively participating, the man who shows up for the special occasions but not the boring day to day, whether they live with their children or across town.
Fathers have important things to teach their children, things that mothers cannot. Without their father in their lives, those children are missing an important piece of their own history. Their life story is incomplete.
If you are lucky enough to be a father today, I exhort you to be a full and active participant in the life of your children. Don't work them into your busy schedule around your whims. Instead, tell them they are important by working your way into their lives.
Attend dance recitals and baseball games and school performances and choir concerts. Be there for your daughter's first date and to see your son in his prom tux. Go to church with them, go to the zoo, go to movies and museums and water parks. Tell them what matters to you, share your goals and dreams and desires for their lives. Let them know you are setting the bar high for them because you believe they can reach it, and then be there to build them up when they fall short trying.
If you are lucky enough to be a father, cherish the moments and don't give your important role away to anyone. Be the best father you can be, and you will gift your children with a legacy they will never outgrow. Always remember that the important thing is not how you do it, but rather, that you are there trying.
If you are step-father, or you see a child in need of a father as a role model, don't hesitate to step in and be the man in their life. Children without an actively involved father are at higher risk for everything from teenage pregnancy to failing out of school to drug addiction, alcoholism, and incarceration. Your time and attention can make the difference between success and failure in the life of a child in need, and the life you save will repay you over and over again.
I was fortunate to have a father that packed a lot of love and time and attention into the few short years we had together. He left my life far too early, not by his choice, but because life is unpredictable and frequently unfair. He would not understand a father who walked away willingly from the children for whom he was responsible, and he actively participated in the things that interested his children because what was important to us was important to him.
He was a Boy Scout leader, and a 4H leader. He taught us about machines and farming and hard work and adventure. He wasn't perfect - who is? But he was the best man he could be, and the example he set for us was one of love and caring and concern for others. I have so many memories of my dad at different times and in different places, but one I will always treasure sums up who he was for me.
Every Christmas Eve, he would go to our little country church to oil the bell, so that it would be all ready to ring in the joy of the season. When I got old enough, I got to go with him up in the bell tower, and it was an adventure for a little girl on a frigid Minnesota night.
From that bell tower, you could see for miles around, and he would patiently stand there with me, pointing out all the familiar landmarks that looked so strange and different to me from that new and exciting vantage point. In between working on the bell, we would look out at the snow that would be covering the ground, sparkling like diamonds laid out before us. The crisp air would bite at our noses and fingers, but he had all the time we needed to see everything, even though my mother would be waiting for us to return so we could eat our dinner.
He brought me with, not because he had to, but because he wanted to share those moments with me. I remember it all in vivid detail, not because it was, in and of itself, so important, but because by sharing it with me, my dad made it matter. In the simple act of including me in the things that were important to him, my dad let me know in a multitude of ways that I was important - that I mattered.
You don't have to be the perfect father, just be the father that makes your child matter. It is enough. It is everything.
Happy Father's Day to every man who has made a child matter in their life. You are the hero of the hour, and I wish you a cold drink, a comfy seat, and a day to celebrate the honor you have earned!
Mother's Day is an easy slam dunk. We know the role of mothers in the lives of their children, and most children, whether they are five years or 15 years or 55 years, know and appreciate the sacrifices our mothers make for us.
Fathers, on the other hand, are not so clear. Fully 25% of American households with minor children have no father present at all for one reason or another. Whether death or divorce or simply never having been in the picture, that is a lot of children without a father to look up to, to honor, to emulate, to idolize.
I read not too long ago that more children in this country live with a step-father than their biological father. That is a shocking statistic, as well. The bottom line in all these numbers is that more children are living without their very own father as an active, daily participant in their lives than have them, and I think that is something which should worry all of us. What are these children learning about the role of fathers in parenting, when their own father is so willing to step aside for another man, or no man, in the family circle.
Sometimes it's not their fault, of course. In my own case, death deprived me of my father, and he of me, and together we were unwilling participants in that statistical misfortune. But most of the time, choices are made, and the children are the ones paying the real price for their fractured families. With so many men on the outside of their own family circle looking in, I fear for the future of the family structure, which is still, in my personal opinion, the best way to raise up a child in the way they should go.
This is not to disparage step-fathers in any way. Some of the best fathers I know are fathers-by-marriage, instead of fathers-by-nature. It takes a special sort of person to take on someone else's family, in addition to a marriage, and to make that work for everyone.
Nor do I mean to give short shrift to single mothers, something with which I have up close and personal experience, so I know just how impossible a job it can be.
But no matter how hard she works to fill in the gaps, a mother brings a different relationship to the family table. She is not a father, and she cannot substitute for what is missing when he is not there. Fathers are a critical element in the raising of a well adjusted child. Mothers alone are incomplete, and say what you want about the situation, it's not the ideal one for their children.
My complaint, in short, is that there are too many impediments today which drive a wedge between fathers and their children, even when they are in the home. Too many men are allowed to simply walk away as if they don't matter, as if they are a luxury instead of a necessity, as if they are not a critical piece of their child's upbringing, as well as their DNA. By making fathers irrelevant, by excusing those who fail to fulfill their obligations to the children they have been a part of creating, we have weakened the very fabric that holds our society together. And we aren't doing their children any favors, either.
The media has much to answer for, as they have moved from Howard Cunningham and Heathcliff Huxtable to fathers who are hapless and helpless in the face of their more sophisticated and intelligent children. Media dads are made to look foolish and silly, and the almost incessant put downs on programs and movies aimed at our young people ooze with disrespect, not only towards their fathers but towards authority figures in general.
But there is more to it than that, and the fissure extends more deeply into the structure of our society. Too many men are allowed to walk away from their responsibilities, not held accountable by society for their actions or their offspring, and our children, and by extension all of us, are the worse for it.
Women are frequently accused of pushing men out of their children's lives, and I imagine that does occasionally happen. But most of the moms I know would love to have an active, helpful father in the picture, one who was willing to put their children's needs ahead of themselves and their own desires. Most women I know spend a lot of time building up and making excuses for the father who is not actively participating, the man who shows up for the special occasions but not the boring day to day, whether they live with their children or across town.
Fathers have important things to teach their children, things that mothers cannot. Without their father in their lives, those children are missing an important piece of their own history. Their life story is incomplete.
If you are lucky enough to be a father today, I exhort you to be a full and active participant in the life of your children. Don't work them into your busy schedule around your whims. Instead, tell them they are important by working your way into their lives.
Attend dance recitals and baseball games and school performances and choir concerts. Be there for your daughter's first date and to see your son in his prom tux. Go to church with them, go to the zoo, go to movies and museums and water parks. Tell them what matters to you, share your goals and dreams and desires for their lives. Let them know you are setting the bar high for them because you believe they can reach it, and then be there to build them up when they fall short trying.
If you are lucky enough to be a father, cherish the moments and don't give your important role away to anyone. Be the best father you can be, and you will gift your children with a legacy they will never outgrow. Always remember that the important thing is not how you do it, but rather, that you are there trying.
If you are step-father, or you see a child in need of a father as a role model, don't hesitate to step in and be the man in their life. Children without an actively involved father are at higher risk for everything from teenage pregnancy to failing out of school to drug addiction, alcoholism, and incarceration. Your time and attention can make the difference between success and failure in the life of a child in need, and the life you save will repay you over and over again.
I was fortunate to have a father that packed a lot of love and time and attention into the few short years we had together. He left my life far too early, not by his choice, but because life is unpredictable and frequently unfair. He would not understand a father who walked away willingly from the children for whom he was responsible, and he actively participated in the things that interested his children because what was important to us was important to him.
He was a Boy Scout leader, and a 4H leader. He taught us about machines and farming and hard work and adventure. He wasn't perfect - who is? But he was the best man he could be, and the example he set for us was one of love and caring and concern for others. I have so many memories of my dad at different times and in different places, but one I will always treasure sums up who he was for me.
Every Christmas Eve, he would go to our little country church to oil the bell, so that it would be all ready to ring in the joy of the season. When I got old enough, I got to go with him up in the bell tower, and it was an adventure for a little girl on a frigid Minnesota night.
From that bell tower, you could see for miles around, and he would patiently stand there with me, pointing out all the familiar landmarks that looked so strange and different to me from that new and exciting vantage point. In between working on the bell, we would look out at the snow that would be covering the ground, sparkling like diamonds laid out before us. The crisp air would bite at our noses and fingers, but he had all the time we needed to see everything, even though my mother would be waiting for us to return so we could eat our dinner.
He brought me with, not because he had to, but because he wanted to share those moments with me. I remember it all in vivid detail, not because it was, in and of itself, so important, but because by sharing it with me, my dad made it matter. In the simple act of including me in the things that were important to him, my dad let me know in a multitude of ways that I was important - that I mattered.
You don't have to be the perfect father, just be the father that makes your child matter. It is enough. It is everything.
Happy Father's Day to every man who has made a child matter in their life. You are the hero of the hour, and I wish you a cold drink, a comfy seat, and a day to celebrate the honor you have earned!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
The extravagant life....
Have you ever watched a dog sleep? It is an amusing spectacle, observing them twitch and shake and grimace, eyes rolling back in their heads as they drift off to their dreams of chasing rabbits and going for walks and, it seems, the occasional nightmare as well.
They always seem to have one eye open, ready for anything that may come up which requires their attention, and hopefully, participation. Their enthusiasm for life is both irritating and inspiring.
They sleep in the most ridiculous positions, twisted and torqued, heads hanging every which way, tongue often drooping from their mouths as they give way to the inevitable. They never seem to mind their circumstances - they are as at home on the grass or the sidewalk as on the living room sofa.
Dogs are uninhibited about their sleeping. They do not care if they have gotten up for the day just a few minutes ago. They constantly doze off if they are not being entertained, preparing themselves for their next spurt of activity.
The old saying, let sleeping dogs lie, makes a lot of sense to me. I have a Jack Russell Terrier mix, and when he is at rest, the house is peaceful. If he is awake, there is a whirlwind of noise and activity. He is enthusiastic about his life and his job in the family circle. He is constantly on the lookout for interlopers so he can raise the alarm. He is a whirling dervish when he wants something, running in circles, barking loudly, to let you know he is excited and anxiously awaiting your next move. He is in my face, ever present, constantly seeking my attention and approval.
I also have a Papillion, a beautiful little dog that is charming, smart, and interested in everything all the time. He will fall asleep anywhere, but always has one ear cocked, and his eyes are never fully closed. He is ready for anything, and will join his "brother" in raising the alarm, and my blood pressure, whenever the need arises. He is ever present at my ankle, a constant companion who doesn't let me get out of his sight.
I have been reminded lately how much those little creatures mean to me, and how much more full my life is because they are in it. It is easy for me to understand why nursing homes love to have dogs come in to visit the residents. They bring a sense of bonhomie that cannot be found any other way. We are connected in an almost spiritual sense, as they watch my every move, trying to anticipate what I'm going to do next, so they can be prepared for anything.
Dogs are always eager to be petted and fussed over. They listen attentively and never spill the secrets you share with them. They love with careless abandon, unafraid of who knows where they place their trust. Their only agenda is making you happy, [well, that and getting a treat,] but they will love you even if you don't come up with anything.
I have been blessed with some very special dogs in my life, but some are more special than others. They connect with you in a way that seems almost super-human, and you know they understand you and love you even at your worst. They lick your tears and sit in your lap and lay with you when you are sick or in need. They will alert you to trouble brewing, and they will protect you with their very life, if necessary.
Today, I am happy to be sitting on my sofa next to two dogs that make my life more complete. I am happy to have them both here - they provide quiet companionship with very little demand in return. They are a nuisance at times, a lot of work and time and effort, but they return everything I give them a hundred-fold and more.
I went for a walk the other night without my usual canine companion, and found it boring and dull. Although I walked the usual route, and saw the same things I see every time I make my rounds, it simply wasn't the same without him. I didn't realize how much he adds to the walk, just by being with me, until he wasn't there.
One of the qualities I like best about dogs is that they never hesitate to make the extravagant gesture. They don't worry about how you will receive their attentions or whether you will like them as they are. They assume that they are good enough, and want to carry you along with their enthusiasm while they are at it. They give you everything they have, and they throw themselves into whatever they are doing with enthusiasm. They are extravagant in the way they live their lives, and I think they have a richer life for it.
I don't often see people making the extravagant gesture any more. Years ago, there were cards and heartfelt letters sent just to remind someone you were thinking of them. There were hours spent around the television watching wholesome programs you didn't have to be embarrassed to explain to your six year old. People played board games and card games and spent time dining and conversing together, uninterrupted by the vibrating cell phone in their pocket alerting them to all the possibilities of which they might be missing out.
My dogs remind me how impersonal the world has become. Despite the ability to be connected 24/7, we seem to interact less than ever before. I would like to see a return to that quaint time when the person right there with you was more important than the message on your smart phone. I would like to have a conversation with someone willing to look me in the eye and show me they are engaged and paying attention while we talk, rather than having one eye on their e-mail messages and the other on the clock. It would be lovely to see people dining without a cell phone sitting on the table or jangling in the pocket.
Life is very short. We do not know when we will draw our last breath. When that moment comes, who is most important to you? The person at the other end of a text message, or the person who is there holding your hand?
I think one reason people are so attached to their dogs today is the sheer level of attention they pay to us, a quality which is rarely found between people any more. They are never multi-tasking while they are with us - we are it, and they are oblivious to all else.
My college-aged daughter recently deactivated her facebook account. I don't know exactly what prompted her to do that, but I asked her recently if she misses it. She didn't even pause before she told me she doesn't miss it at all. It surprised me, because I think most people, especially those her age, would miss their facebook a lot.
But these days she is more focused on spending quality time in person with the many friends she has made in college and on the job instead of spending her hours perusing the daily doings of people she barely knows. I think she may be on to something.
Social media, like Facebook, aren't bad in and of themselves. They allow people to be in touch, share pictures and life events, in a way that we never could before. It enhances our lives to be able to participate, even if from afar, in events that are important in our lives.
But at the same time, the more hours you spend on social media, the less hours you have to spend in person with people who matter to you. My daughter is a smart girl, and she has chosen to focus on the people in her life who are important to her. She calls instead of facebook messaging. She wants to have conversations instead of tweets or e-mails. She is less interested in having an impersonal relationship for the world to see and comment upon than she used to be, and has found it is more fun spending real time with real friends instead.
These days, she focuses her time and attention on those who matter most to her, and it is paying off. She is building solid foundations with people who are important in her life, and she is finding it fulfilling. If she wants to know how someone is doing, she calls or texts to ask them directly, instead of gleaning the information from an impersonal web page. If she needs something, she calls and talks instead of e-mailing or chatting online. She takes time to see people in person, to spend time with them in meaningful activities, to experience the world with the other people who share it with her.
We will never go back to a world before Facebook and Twitter, and I don't suppose we have to. But it is reassuring that even in the younger, more electronically savvy generation, some young people have discovered the difference between online friendship and the real thing.
Maybe that is why she is so good at working with dogs and their owners. She puts the person into personal, and builds the relationship from there.
I have forgotten how to live the extravagant life. It is not about money; you cannot buy friendship or love or happiness. Calling someone, sending a card, giving a hug, focusing my attention on the person I am with and allowing the text to sit until I am finished - those are my goals. I want to experience life first hand, not through a million online eyes that don't really matter to me.
This week, join me in the quest for the extravagant life. Smile at everyone, look people in the eye and ignore the cell phone when you are talking to someone, hug your kid or your spouse or your pet every day, call your mother, send a card to your friend that is struggling. If you are extravagant towards others with your personal attention, I trust that the investment will be repaid many times over.
That's the kind of extravagant world I want to live in, today and for always.
They always seem to have one eye open, ready for anything that may come up which requires their attention, and hopefully, participation. Their enthusiasm for life is both irritating and inspiring.
They sleep in the most ridiculous positions, twisted and torqued, heads hanging every which way, tongue often drooping from their mouths as they give way to the inevitable. They never seem to mind their circumstances - they are as at home on the grass or the sidewalk as on the living room sofa.
Dogs are uninhibited about their sleeping. They do not care if they have gotten up for the day just a few minutes ago. They constantly doze off if they are not being entertained, preparing themselves for their next spurt of activity.
The old saying, let sleeping dogs lie, makes a lot of sense to me. I have a Jack Russell Terrier mix, and when he is at rest, the house is peaceful. If he is awake, there is a whirlwind of noise and activity. He is enthusiastic about his life and his job in the family circle. He is constantly on the lookout for interlopers so he can raise the alarm. He is a whirling dervish when he wants something, running in circles, barking loudly, to let you know he is excited and anxiously awaiting your next move. He is in my face, ever present, constantly seeking my attention and approval.
I also have a Papillion, a beautiful little dog that is charming, smart, and interested in everything all the time. He will fall asleep anywhere, but always has one ear cocked, and his eyes are never fully closed. He is ready for anything, and will join his "brother" in raising the alarm, and my blood pressure, whenever the need arises. He is ever present at my ankle, a constant companion who doesn't let me get out of his sight.
I have been reminded lately how much those little creatures mean to me, and how much more full my life is because they are in it. It is easy for me to understand why nursing homes love to have dogs come in to visit the residents. They bring a sense of bonhomie that cannot be found any other way. We are connected in an almost spiritual sense, as they watch my every move, trying to anticipate what I'm going to do next, so they can be prepared for anything.
Dogs are always eager to be petted and fussed over. They listen attentively and never spill the secrets you share with them. They love with careless abandon, unafraid of who knows where they place their trust. Their only agenda is making you happy, [well, that and getting a treat,] but they will love you even if you don't come up with anything.
I have been blessed with some very special dogs in my life, but some are more special than others. They connect with you in a way that seems almost super-human, and you know they understand you and love you even at your worst. They lick your tears and sit in your lap and lay with you when you are sick or in need. They will alert you to trouble brewing, and they will protect you with their very life, if necessary.
Today, I am happy to be sitting on my sofa next to two dogs that make my life more complete. I am happy to have them both here - they provide quiet companionship with very little demand in return. They are a nuisance at times, a lot of work and time and effort, but they return everything I give them a hundred-fold and more.
I went for a walk the other night without my usual canine companion, and found it boring and dull. Although I walked the usual route, and saw the same things I see every time I make my rounds, it simply wasn't the same without him. I didn't realize how much he adds to the walk, just by being with me, until he wasn't there.
One of the qualities I like best about dogs is that they never hesitate to make the extravagant gesture. They don't worry about how you will receive their attentions or whether you will like them as they are. They assume that they are good enough, and want to carry you along with their enthusiasm while they are at it. They give you everything they have, and they throw themselves into whatever they are doing with enthusiasm. They are extravagant in the way they live their lives, and I think they have a richer life for it.
I don't often see people making the extravagant gesture any more. Years ago, there were cards and heartfelt letters sent just to remind someone you were thinking of them. There were hours spent around the television watching wholesome programs you didn't have to be embarrassed to explain to your six year old. People played board games and card games and spent time dining and conversing together, uninterrupted by the vibrating cell phone in their pocket alerting them to all the possibilities of which they might be missing out.
My dogs remind me how impersonal the world has become. Despite the ability to be connected 24/7, we seem to interact less than ever before. I would like to see a return to that quaint time when the person right there with you was more important than the message on your smart phone. I would like to have a conversation with someone willing to look me in the eye and show me they are engaged and paying attention while we talk, rather than having one eye on their e-mail messages and the other on the clock. It would be lovely to see people dining without a cell phone sitting on the table or jangling in the pocket.
Life is very short. We do not know when we will draw our last breath. When that moment comes, who is most important to you? The person at the other end of a text message, or the person who is there holding your hand?
I think one reason people are so attached to their dogs today is the sheer level of attention they pay to us, a quality which is rarely found between people any more. They are never multi-tasking while they are with us - we are it, and they are oblivious to all else.
My college-aged daughter recently deactivated her facebook account. I don't know exactly what prompted her to do that, but I asked her recently if she misses it. She didn't even pause before she told me she doesn't miss it at all. It surprised me, because I think most people, especially those her age, would miss their facebook a lot.
But these days she is more focused on spending quality time in person with the many friends she has made in college and on the job instead of spending her hours perusing the daily doings of people she barely knows. I think she may be on to something.
Social media, like Facebook, aren't bad in and of themselves. They allow people to be in touch, share pictures and life events, in a way that we never could before. It enhances our lives to be able to participate, even if from afar, in events that are important in our lives.
But at the same time, the more hours you spend on social media, the less hours you have to spend in person with people who matter to you. My daughter is a smart girl, and she has chosen to focus on the people in her life who are important to her. She calls instead of facebook messaging. She wants to have conversations instead of tweets or e-mails. She is less interested in having an impersonal relationship for the world to see and comment upon than she used to be, and has found it is more fun spending real time with real friends instead.
These days, she focuses her time and attention on those who matter most to her, and it is paying off. She is building solid foundations with people who are important in her life, and she is finding it fulfilling. If she wants to know how someone is doing, she calls or texts to ask them directly, instead of gleaning the information from an impersonal web page. If she needs something, she calls and talks instead of e-mailing or chatting online. She takes time to see people in person, to spend time with them in meaningful activities, to experience the world with the other people who share it with her.
We will never go back to a world before Facebook and Twitter, and I don't suppose we have to. But it is reassuring that even in the younger, more electronically savvy generation, some young people have discovered the difference between online friendship and the real thing.
Maybe that is why she is so good at working with dogs and their owners. She puts the person into personal, and builds the relationship from there.
I have forgotten how to live the extravagant life. It is not about money; you cannot buy friendship or love or happiness. Calling someone, sending a card, giving a hug, focusing my attention on the person I am with and allowing the text to sit until I am finished - those are my goals. I want to experience life first hand, not through a million online eyes that don't really matter to me.
This week, join me in the quest for the extravagant life. Smile at everyone, look people in the eye and ignore the cell phone when you are talking to someone, hug your kid or your spouse or your pet every day, call your mother, send a card to your friend that is struggling. If you are extravagant towards others with your personal attention, I trust that the investment will be repaid many times over.
That's the kind of extravagant world I want to live in, today and for always.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
When you are a mom, every day is Mother's Day.....
On an early August morning 26 years ago, I gained 7 pounds 3 ounces of wisdom I couldn't get any way other than having my first child. Suddenly, I had a window into the world of my mom, and it's been a journey unlike any other ever since.
Until you become a mother, you have no way to know what it feels like, and once you are a mother, you cannot go back to the ignorant bliss that you once enjoyed. It is a turning of the kaleidoscope, a quantum change in your universe. For better and for worse, you are a mother for life, and it's a wonderful, scary, overwhelming, joyful, terrifying, beautiful thing.
My own mother engaged in false advertising. She made it look so easy, the ups and downs of parenting. Perhaps it is better that way - perpetuating the illusion, so the human race doesn't die out.
But it is not easy, this parenting gig. I think that's the real reason we celebrate high school graduation with such gusto. We are celebrating our own survival as much as their passage into adulthood, and it's a big deal for all concerned.
It is hard to believe how quickly the years have passed in my transformation from Mama to Mommy to Mooooom to Mom. I have always done my best to raise my children to understand what is expected from them, in life, in love, in friendship, in work, in whatever place they find themselves. I have worked hard to model appropriate behavior in friendship, love, employment and free time. I have worked hard, loved much, cared deeply, embraced the life I have been given in whatever circumstances I find myself. I hope those lessons have been noted and will be acted upon.
I have made many mistakes - sadly, there is no one "right" answer to parenting, and I have made full use of trial and error. I have yelled when I should have listened. I have hesitated where I should have led. I have failed to rise to the occasion where I should have, and I have barged into situations that would have been best left alone. I have protected when I should have exposed, and allowed more when less would have been better.
I have always believed that children are born with their personality already formed, and my job has been to direct and guide and advise, coaching them as they head onto the playing field of life. As they reach adulthood, I am no longer as much an active participant, and the life lessons they have learned and had modeled will have to suffice.
It is hard, letting go of the leadership role, and becoming a passive observer. But it is rewarding as well, because that is when you see the results of the job you have done. And far more often than not, you will find those results exceed your wildest dreams. It is thrilling and rewarding. It makes every sour moment even sweeter, because you know what you have overcome.
My mother has been the perfect role model for me all my life. From the moment she plucked me out of my uncertain beginnings until this day, she has been the constant element in a life unevenly lived. She is always there with her love, support, wisdom, strength and courage, and she has set an impossible bar for me to reach in my own parenting.
I have watched my mother struggle through every hardship life could throw her way, and she remains optimistic, cheerful, faithful, undaunted by any obstacle. She is amazing and ridiculously wonderful, and I will never deserve her, but will always be eternally grateful to call her my own.
I am also most fortunate in my own children, who have provided me with life lessons galore, and have taught me patience and wisdom and courage and selflessness in ways I could never have imagined. Their sorrows weigh on my heart like an anchor, and their joys make my spirit soar. They have uplifted me when I was down, and pulled me along in their wake when I felt like sinking.
In the journey of life, mothers and children are about more than simply parenting. We get something from the relationship we cannot find anywhere else. No matter how far we go, no matter how long we are separated, even death cannot break the bonds that are formed when our mothers shower us with their love and attention.
One year ago, I watched my daughter walk out of her childhood and into her life as an adult. She has transformed, utterly, into a young woman who is everything I ever hoped for, and a whole lot more of which I never even dared to dream.
She has found her direction, she has embraced her passion for living, she has struggled and survived and fulfilled and exceeded. She has learned to be independent and organized and self-directive and successful, and she has done it on the strength of her own character.
Seven years ago, my son made the same walk that began his transformation, and it has been equally amazing. Although his path has been entirely his own, it has been exhilarating to see him becoming the young man I always knew he could be. He is following his dreams, and his path, while uneven, is moving ahead. It is impossible to ask for more than seeing your child graze the stars he is reaching for with his fingertips.
Watching your child succeed and achieve is the most delicious thing life has to offer, and I am thrilled to have tasted it, twice over. I am truly blessed in my children, and I think I have my mother to thank for the relationship I have with them today.
Happy belated Mother's Day to all the mothers who make that day possible, and to all the children who make that day one worth celebrating. Mothers and their children are truly a reason to celebrate, every day!
Until you become a mother, you have no way to know what it feels like, and once you are a mother, you cannot go back to the ignorant bliss that you once enjoyed. It is a turning of the kaleidoscope, a quantum change in your universe. For better and for worse, you are a mother for life, and it's a wonderful, scary, overwhelming, joyful, terrifying, beautiful thing.
My own mother engaged in false advertising. She made it look so easy, the ups and downs of parenting. Perhaps it is better that way - perpetuating the illusion, so the human race doesn't die out.
But it is not easy, this parenting gig. I think that's the real reason we celebrate high school graduation with such gusto. We are celebrating our own survival as much as their passage into adulthood, and it's a big deal for all concerned.
It is hard to believe how quickly the years have passed in my transformation from Mama to Mommy to Mooooom to Mom. I have always done my best to raise my children to understand what is expected from them, in life, in love, in friendship, in work, in whatever place they find themselves. I have worked hard to model appropriate behavior in friendship, love, employment and free time. I have worked hard, loved much, cared deeply, embraced the life I have been given in whatever circumstances I find myself. I hope those lessons have been noted and will be acted upon.
I have made many mistakes - sadly, there is no one "right" answer to parenting, and I have made full use of trial and error. I have yelled when I should have listened. I have hesitated where I should have led. I have failed to rise to the occasion where I should have, and I have barged into situations that would have been best left alone. I have protected when I should have exposed, and allowed more when less would have been better.
I have always believed that children are born with their personality already formed, and my job has been to direct and guide and advise, coaching them as they head onto the playing field of life. As they reach adulthood, I am no longer as much an active participant, and the life lessons they have learned and had modeled will have to suffice.
It is hard, letting go of the leadership role, and becoming a passive observer. But it is rewarding as well, because that is when you see the results of the job you have done. And far more often than not, you will find those results exceed your wildest dreams. It is thrilling and rewarding. It makes every sour moment even sweeter, because you know what you have overcome.
My mother has been the perfect role model for me all my life. From the moment she plucked me out of my uncertain beginnings until this day, she has been the constant element in a life unevenly lived. She is always there with her love, support, wisdom, strength and courage, and she has set an impossible bar for me to reach in my own parenting.
I have watched my mother struggle through every hardship life could throw her way, and she remains optimistic, cheerful, faithful, undaunted by any obstacle. She is amazing and ridiculously wonderful, and I will never deserve her, but will always be eternally grateful to call her my own.
I am also most fortunate in my own children, who have provided me with life lessons galore, and have taught me patience and wisdom and courage and selflessness in ways I could never have imagined. Their sorrows weigh on my heart like an anchor, and their joys make my spirit soar. They have uplifted me when I was down, and pulled me along in their wake when I felt like sinking.
In the journey of life, mothers and children are about more than simply parenting. We get something from the relationship we cannot find anywhere else. No matter how far we go, no matter how long we are separated, even death cannot break the bonds that are formed when our mothers shower us with their love and attention.
One year ago, I watched my daughter walk out of her childhood and into her life as an adult. She has transformed, utterly, into a young woman who is everything I ever hoped for, and a whole lot more of which I never even dared to dream.
She has found her direction, she has embraced her passion for living, she has struggled and survived and fulfilled and exceeded. She has learned to be independent and organized and self-directive and successful, and she has done it on the strength of her own character.
Seven years ago, my son made the same walk that began his transformation, and it has been equally amazing. Although his path has been entirely his own, it has been exhilarating to see him becoming the young man I always knew he could be. He is following his dreams, and his path, while uneven, is moving ahead. It is impossible to ask for more than seeing your child graze the stars he is reaching for with his fingertips.
Watching your child succeed and achieve is the most delicious thing life has to offer, and I am thrilled to have tasted it, twice over. I am truly blessed in my children, and I think I have my mother to thank for the relationship I have with them today.
Happy belated Mother's Day to all the mothers who make that day possible, and to all the children who make that day one worth celebrating. Mothers and their children are truly a reason to celebrate, every day!
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