Rent-A-Guy - His time has come....

After extensive research [okay, I have one single guy friend that I talk to, but I think he's a good representative sample,] I have determined that young women are not in a marrying mood these days. They will go for a casual date, they will even call someone a boyfriend, but when it comes to making commitments, they are less interested than they used to be in traveling to the altar.

I could speculate on the reasons for this phenomenon, such as women making more money today, more women getting degrees, and thus having more opportunity for power and prestige on their own in the work-a-day world, or perhaps just the recent creep of the new adult-adolescence in which 20 somethings are now regarded as advanced teenagers who still need to be cared for and protected, instead of young adults who have to make it on their own.

I wonder what Mary Richards [The Mary Tyler Moore show for those who post-date quality television programming] would have thought of all these 20 and 30 somethings who are moving home to live with their parents, since her whole game was getting out of the house and being successful on her own. But I digress.

My point is, single women are more likely to live alone today than ever before. They buy houses and travel and do yard work and maintenance, and spend big dollars while doing so. Whether or not you see this as a sign of progress or an unfortunate development is not material to this discussion. It does, however, leave an obvious opening for a new, and potentially lucrative, business - Rent-A-Guy, your heavy lifting, maintenance friendly, dad-brother-boyfriend for an hour when you need a hand resource.

I think this is a winner. I have seen the occasional independent handyman advertisements, where you can call a guy in to fix plumbing problems, or do some painting or other types of repairs. But you have to call in advance, schedule an appointment, and wait for them to get around to you. What I have in mind is a little different.

With Rent-A-Guy, you make the call, he shows up. Immediately. Without asking a lot of questions, whining about the Big Game he's missing, or expecting you to put a cold drink in his hand and a warm body in his bed. If you ask him to move furniture, he asks where you want it, and then actually puts it there without adding his own two cents, which obviously won't work anyway. If you have to paint a room, he comes with ladder and floor covering in hand, and doesn't argue with you about the color you've chosen. If you want to replace faucets, he has his own tools, which he can get for himself without assistance.

In short, when you need a hand, he is there. And then he goes away.

As a rapidly maturing single woman, I am occasionally reduced to waiting for my son to return home to get something accomplished, because I need his longer reach or his ability to lift heavier objects than I can.

I don't need a guy to be happy. I don't need a guy to provide for me. [Although if someone wants to throw cash my way, I'll accept it, don't get me wrong!] I don't need a guy to be fulfilled, or complete, or to feel that my life is worthwhile. I need a guy to lift heavy objects, remove dead carcasses from my lawn, and to do yard work.

Rent-A-Guy. I think it's a winner.

Double, double, toil and trouble....

I was perusing the news this morning when I spied something that made my blood run cold. Hell is apparently actually freezing over as you read this, which just goes to show, never underestimate the possibilities in life.

The earth shattering cause of this unexpected agreement? I have finally found something on which Sarah Palin and I concur.

What is this astounding point on which there has finally been a meeting of the minds? The size of Sarah Palin's mammary glands are not something that anyone, other than Sarah, and perhaps Todd, should be thinking about, much less speculating upon. Her breast size is not related to her intelligence, her experience, her ideas, her job performance, her political stance, her faith, her ability to advocate for her own positions, or anything else that is appropriate for the realm of public discussion.

Don't get me wrong. The public persona is all fair game, when you throw your hat into the political arena, for the media, the opposition, her supporters, her detractors, or the population at large to comment upon. And regardless of whether she currently holds office, she is still a political animal, and remains a very public figure given the content of her speeches, her public statements whether on Facebook, Twitter, or in the media, and the groups to whom she presents them. But her physical appearance, particularly over something so personal, the question of whether or not she has had a boob job, should be nobody's business but hers, no matter what you think of her.

Just to throw out a disclaimer here - I have agreed with her on one or two other points over the last couple of years. For example, she probably does have something to contribute to the discussion of oil drilling versus other types of energy, although we should all recognize her personal territorial biases in the discussion.

I also agree with her that her children, as all children, should be totally left out of the news cycle, unless they themselves go looking for publicity, whether they are the children of politicians, athletes, celebrities, or whomever. The children have not asked for the notoriety, and they should be given their privacy, especially as vulnerable teenagers, where they will make many mistakes.

I don't think having them stand on stage with their parents during the campaign [or attending a premiere or otherwise appearing in public with their parent] constitutes a license to humiliate them, either, whether they are Sarah Palin, George Bush, Bill or Hillary Clinton, Will Smith, or even David Letterman, regardless of whether or not they observe the same rules. Two wrongs still don't make a right, and children should be off limits. Period.

So it's not completely unheard of for me to agree with something Sarah Palin says. But it's safe to say that those occasions are pretty few and far between, so it does make me take notice of the moment.

Which brings us back to the subject at hand. I would have imagined by the 21st century we would have moved beyond judging women by their bodies instead of their minds. I am so disappointed to be reminded, once again, that my hope was a pipe dream. Nothing has really changed, even in our so-called enlightened society.

Are men occasionally judged on appearance? Well, Al Gore would probably say that they are, but it doesn't seem to interfere with his being taken seriously when weighty topics are under discussion, even when he says something ridiculous. I am not a fan of Nancy Pelosi, either, but it is her leadership and political philosophy with which I have a problem, not her choice of clothing or her hair style. I don't recall attacks on the personal appearance of Dennis Hastert, even when his opinions differed from the opposition, no matter whether I found his personal appearance pleasing or not.

I wonder when we, as a society, will move beyond a discussion of appearance and into a discussion of ideas and facts if a woman is part of the conversation? When will the stuff in your head, if you are a woman, be more important than what is in your breasts?

For those who dismiss the subject of unequal pay for equal work, this is Exhibit A for why it matters so much. Women make up half the population, and yet, they are routinely dismissed as the lesser half in a variety of subtle and not so subtle ways. It is this inequity that hurts all of us, as our girls consistently set the bar lower for themselves, and fail to reach their fullest potential.

We are denying ourselves the option of having the best minds available, if we don't do everything we can to encourage all our children to reach for the highest goals. Marie Curie was the first woman to receive the Nobel Prize, and is one of the few who have received a Nobel in two different disciplines, but it is still a prize mainly for men 100 years later. One can only wonder how many cures we haven't discovered, how many questions have gone unanswered, how many inventions remain unknown because we continue to treat half the population as second class. I wonder whether AIDS or the Gulf oil catastrophe could have been averted if more women had been involved in research and design.

Women make up more than half of the population, but women are a fraction of the total U.S. Congress. Is it because women are less dedicated? Is it because women have lesser goals? Or is it, in fact, because women are denied the opportunities from the beginning which are required to be politically successful at that level? If it is still a gamble for a woman to run for school board or city council in their area, how do you move beyond that to higher office?

Here are some statistics with which we should all become acquainted. Despite women comprising over 50% of the population in total numbers, only 17% of the Congress that passes the laws we all must live with are female, and most of those women are in the House. [A point worth noticing is that of the 90 women in Congress, 77% of them (69) are Democrats, which means Republican, conservative women are particularly under-represented.]

The numbers are not much better at the state level, where six states out of the 50 are currently governed by women, and the state legislatures are only about 25% female across the country. California, with the highest population of any state, has never had a female governor, and the current female candidate is considered the underdog, despite her experience as CEO of EBay, and throwing tens of millions of her own dollars into the campaign. In the 100 largest cities in the country, women are mayor in only seven of them, SEVEN. I don't know about you, but I consider that abysmal.

If you think it's just politics, here are some more facts that should get the attention of anyone who worries that their daughter will have less opportunity to succeed in life than their sons. According to CNN Money today, of the Fortune 500 companies, a dismal FIFTEEN have a woman CEO. Women don't do any better in the next 500 either, as there are only an additional 13 women serving as CEO's in the Fortune 1000. That is a total of 28 women running the top 1000 companies in this country.

Sadly, this is actually an improvement over last year, when there were 12 and 24 women serving as CEO in each group respectively. While women can and frequently do have different goals and ambitions from their fathers, brothers, spouses and male classmates, that does not explain this level of disparity. It is a problem which is ultimately costing us all, and the consequences are not measurable, because we simply don't know how much we have lost by excluding women from the top leadership in everything from the government to our most influential companies.

None of this is to denigrate the importance of men, and I wouldn't want anyone to be led astray on that point. Men and women have very different qualities, and generally speaking bring totally different skill sets to the table. I believe a part of the problem, in fact, is in our quest for equality. As women, we worry so much about being taken seriously that we focus on our similarities, and have failed to value our differences, which are the real strength of having two genders to begin with.

What, then, do women bring to the table that is unique and special, and which we should value, whether in private life or in the public realm? Women are, by nature, more verbal, collaborative, and generally tend to value consensus more than men. Women tend to discuss issues more thoroughly, and are more likely to look at potential problems in advance, so we can have a game plan at the ready in case of disaster. (Gulf oil spill look any differently from that perspective?) In my own parlance, I would say women are more actionary, while men are more reactionary, by nature.

Even women in positions of high power and prestige tend to exhibit these common female traits to the greatest extent that they can in an arena where manly traits are so much more valued.

This is not just an anecdotal observation. Research has shown that the brain acts differently in men and women when shown the same stimuli, and that research has supported what we instinctively know. Women brainstorm their way to a solution, men act on their experience to find a solution. Ultimately, the desired outcome is frequently achieved, even though we arrived there by different methods. And it is the outcome, that we should be focused on, not the route that got us there.

It saddens me to see any woman, no matter who she is, reduced to a set of physical criteria, at the expense of her ideas. Whether or not I agree with Sarah's stance on anything is less important to me than whether or not, as a woman, her stance on serious issues is taken seriously by the entire public - which includes both genders.

Sarah Palin has become very adept at using her femininity to her advantage, and I have heard criticisms leveled against her for it. But until women are given the same opportunities of power and leadership as men, and evaluated by the same outcomes based criteria as men, the content and quality of their ideas rather than their breasts, their fashion sense, or their faces, I say go for it. If the age old double standard is going to be used against her, she has a right to co-opt it and use it to her advantage, as well.

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream long ago, that his children and my children and your children would, one fine day, be evaluated on the content of their minds, rather than the color of their skin. I would expand upon that dream, because I dream that someday my daughter will be taken as seriously as my son, not for the beauty of her face, but for the intelligent mind and caring heart that resides inside the ephemeral exterior.

Life on the continuum....

As a society, we embrace the Kodak moments, memorializing the happy times with video, pictures, parties, and white frosted cake. We plan for weeks and months, perhaps even years, so that every single detail can be picture perfect, a flawless presentation for everyone to remember.

We are reluctant, however, to admit that the happy moments generally have the counterbalancing sad times, where we have to deal with the reverse emotions of sadness, despair and grief. For every wedding there will be a loss, either of divorce or a funeral, where that union will be shattered. Every day brings happy birthday songs and wishes for some, while it brings the sting of death for others.

Death is an inevitability that we baby boomers are the first generation to largely successfully avoid, at least in the short term, as life spans extend, and our parents and even grandparents live well into their 80's and 90's. The number of elderly, yet active adults continues to bump ever higher, while medical research continues to find ways to cheat the grim reaper of his easy prize.

Many boomers, even those sliding into the Medicare years, still have one or both parents, not only alive, but active and involved and busy in their own lives. Sometimes the only way we can catch up with our busy parents is by cell phone, because they are never home. The days of grandparents sitting idly in rocking chairs seems like a tall tale of yesteryear when compared to the modern matures who travel, eat out, and socialize with their friends on a daily basis.

This weekend, our extended family had a bit of both ends of the spectrum. Although I expected to feel emotionally whiplashed by a funeral in the morning for a beloved uncle, followed by a party in the afternoon for my newly graduated daughter, it turned out to be a wonderful way to honor both of them.  I think, in years to come, my daughter will find she has a deep appreciation for having shared that special day with her great-uncle, and it will be a cherished memory that she will enjoy telling her grandchildren.

We were, of course, sad to lay a husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, and friend to rest on Saturday morning. But we also rejoiced in his life so well lived. We celebrated his accomplishments and service to others with a joyful certainty that he has found his place in heaven with the Lord to whom he dedicated his life. Those of us who loved him are assured that he was welcomed with the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

In the afternoon, we went from paying our final public [but surely not our last personal] respects to a man who was truly a legend in his own small town world, to a party celebrating the new opportunities for a young woman who is just now coming into her own adulthood, and who will have to find her own place in the world. There could be no better example for her to follow than that of the great-uncle whose day she will now always share.

He was a role model extraordinaire, the man who led by example his whole life, with a passion and dedication that would put most of us to shame. He had strong principals which he lived on a daily basis, founded in the home where he was raised, and tempered by his life experiences.

My daughter was fortunate enough to personally know and sincerely love her great-uncle. No trip to Minnesota was complete without a stop to see Aunt Marian and Uncle Albion. She found his life stories interesting, and thought he was funny in the way he told them, even when she heard them more than once. She enjoyed learning about his many accomplishments, and felt pride in being a part of his family.  I know that she will miss him very much in the years to come, but his example of how to live life will live on, not only in his children and grandchildren, but in all the children whose lives he touched. The legacy that he has left for his younger relatives is one of living a passionate life, and it's an example I sincerely hope my daughter will embrace in her own adult life.

Uncle Albion was, first and foremost, passionate about his faith. To know him was to know his faith, his steadfast confidence in his Creator, a Lord so loved that he carried that faith with him through a world war and a lifetime of extraordinary achievements.

Albion embraced the ideal of God's perfect love. A lifelong perfectionist, Albion didn't admit to many mistakes, but he was humble enough to know they were there, and he was grateful to a God that would forgive him for any transgressions. I believe that faith gave him the courage to forge ahead each day for 91.5 years, confident that in his final hour, the God he had professed during his lifetime would meet him and greet him at heaven's gate.

My daughter is at the beginning of her own faith journey, searching for what she believes. She is challenging the faith that she inherited from her older relatives, and is searching for the faith that will be owned by her, and only her, in its entirety. Faith cannot be conferred, it must be won through each person's own life battles. In the end, the faith that is real is the faith that has been tested and found sustaining. If Erin finds the kind of faith that endured for the 91 years of her great-uncle's life, she will certainly have a life equally worthy of looking back on and celebrating on her final day.

Uncle Albion was passionately devoted to his family. When his country called, he left to go into the service, eventually fighting in some of the harshest battles of the war, including the Battle of the Bulge. I have no doubt that he went willingly and even joyfully, knowing in his heart that this fight was to preserve the life of the family that he valued and cherished. He put his life on the line unhesitatingly in order to preserve life for others, and I doubt he ever regretted it for a moment. He went forward with confidence, knowing in his heart that he was following the course that God set for him, and he knew that whatever the outcome for him, he was fighting for something greater and more valuable than himself.

He was a family man, through and through.  He loved his wife, children and grandchildren with a devotion that is unmatched.  He uplifted his sons, listing each accomplishment with great pride as they worked their way up in their careers.  He loved his daughters-in-law, and he never ceased bragging about his grandchildren's accomplishments.  He enjoyed everything they did, even when his granddaughter decided she was a Democrat!

In the last days of his life, he was still working to make life better for his beloved wife, and a little story I was told at the visitation is the best example of his quiet, but powerful love for his family. Aunt Marian had a hip operation which was very risky, but she decided that she needed quality of life, not just life, and she went forward with it. He was so happy and relieved when all went well, and she moved very quickly to a place where she could rehab her hip.

He missed her at home, of course, but spent lots of time with her in her room. He knew that she was in the best place for her, so he was encouraging and supportive of her stay.   But one day, he felt the room was too warm, because the air conditioning wasn't working right. He went home and eventually came back with two small fans, then spent quite a bit of time strategically placing them in the room so that she would receive the maximum benefit from those fans. He refused any help, despite his own difficulties in moving around. It was a labor of love for him to provide those fans for her, and no one was going to take care of her but him. That kind of passion is something to cherish, and the more so after 63 years of marriage.

He loved his extended family, as well.  He called his sister almost every day until the final day of his life, worried about her, even though she was eight years younger and in better health.  He always enjoyed a card or a letter from nieces and nephews, shooting a photo on his back porch to remind him of the visit and the happy time together.  He was never at a loss for words, and if I answered the phone, he would be full of questions for me about my life.

My daughter is at the beginning of her adult life, still discovering the passions within her, searching for the things that are worth fighting for in her own life. But I know that the time spent with her elderly relatives has not been wasted, because she values her family, and would do anything for those she loves. She has already shown herself ready to passionately defend her own family from the threat of harm. I am confident that in the years to come, she will embrace the example of her great-uncle and will serve others, just as she has been served, for the betterment of us all.

Uncle Albion was passionate about his country, and about our way of life. He not only went to war to preserve it, he defended it in many other ways as well.

He was a staunch, and vocal, Republican his whole life. He would argue politics with anyone at any time, and his fervently held opinions were not easily swayed. He volunteered in all sorts of activities, from church choir to Commander of the VFW post in town. He was the town's unofficial ambassador, usually the first to meet new residents and welcome them to the city he considered the fairest in all the world.

Uncle Albion gave of himself generously, and the town gave back with enthusiasm. Among other accolades, he was honored with a citizen of the year award, which was certainly one of his proudest moments. He worked hard his entire life, he never shirked his duties, and he set an example of hard work and dedication to his community that few people could hope to match. He was a Main Street guy, one who believed that you start your service in your own home, and support your local businesses as if your life depended on it. He was willing to sacrifice everything he had, even including his own life, for the next generation to live a life of freedom and democracy, and he would expect no less from each of us.

Erin hasn't had the time or opportunity to make a big impact on the world, but I know that the examples she has observed have rubbed off on her, and made her aware of her own obligation to give back to her country for all she has received. From holding a garage sale to support Save the Children when she was ten, to visiting a nursing home on her own time because she didn't want to let the elderly residents down when the event was cancelled, Erin has learned the importance of giving back, and the joy of service to others. I think that in the years to come, she will give more and more of herself, and the example of service to others set by all her relatives will surely not be far from her thoughts.

I think for my family, Erin and Albion will always be inextricably linked because of the special day they shared.  We will never forget that her party was on the same day as his funeral. But as disconcerting as that could have been, it turned out to be a wonderful celebration of life on the full continuum, and I know that Albion wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  I never saw him happier than when he was at a family event, holding court with his relatives, young and old, and soaking up the atmosphere of the event.

When we sanitize the hard stuff of life, glossing over the valleys we all must pass through at some point or another, we are deprived of the wonderful inspiration we receive from people like my Uncle Albion, and we take away the tremendous examples that are set for us by those who have gone there before us. I know that my uncle went into his future unafraid, because he had already faced all his fears, and he was not found wanting. He knew his Lord was waiting for him on the other side, so he was unafraid to make the journey. I can think of nothing more comforting than the assurance that people such as him will be waiting for us when our own time has come.

I will miss my uncle in ways I am only beginning to appreciate, because he has always been there, a stalwart part of life that I counted on to never change. But his death was much like his life, I think. It occurred in his own time, and in his own place. I can only hope that as my own daughter approaches her final days decades from now, she will be able to look back on a life lived as passionately, joyfully, and most importantly, as well as the great-uncle with whom she will be forever linked.

Then the Lord will greet her, too, with the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." There could be no higher reward.

New resolutions for an old year....

I do not make New Year's resolutions. I believe I mentioned that last year, right before I made a resolution which I shared with the entire cyberspace universe. Which turned out to be the proof for why I do not make New Year's resolutions, because inevitably, I did not keep it. So now I am sitting here with mud in my eye, or something like that, because I have made a liar out of myself in a public forum.

I don't want to talk about it. If you want to know that badly, you will have to go back in time and look for yourself. Meantime, I am going to maintain a wounded silence on the topic of New Year's resolutions, and move on.

But if I were going to talk about them, I have a few that other people might want to think about.

This past winter, as I looked outside at the piles of snow in amounts not seen in these parts for lo these many years, I seriously wondered when that whole global warming thing was going to kick in. I moved south because I wanted to be closer to the equator. Evidently I overshot my mark, because this past winter I enjoyed the kind of balmy weather usually experienced at the south pole.

Perhaps a resolution for the scientific community might be in order. I would resolve to keep a lid on it when you discover something new to talk about until the facts actually support your theory. An additional hint to the scientific community - choose the name of your movement wisely, because you never know when "Warming" will have to become "Change," as in the event, Mother Nature does the opposite of what you predicted. [Mother Nature is whimsical, and enjoys making fools out of humans. You forget that reality at your reputational peril.]

Weight loss is a favorite resolution target for many Americans. Since we are the most overweight population on earth, that only makes sense. But the American population is not the only thing in this country that is bloated. I think our Congress and President should make a resolution to treat the national budget like we do our personal budgets.

In other words, never spend another dime that is not paid for, don't outsource mandates to the states to cope with when you have no money to fund them yourself, reign in our national debt to manageable levels before we are financially bankrupt. [Oh wait. Too late for that one. Well, we need to emerge from bankruptcy and be more responsible, then, at the very least.]

Corporations are another entity that needs to look introspectively, and decide where their priorities lie. They tend to look for short term benefits at the expense of long term consequences. We are seeing the risks of this strategy play out in horrifying detail as we watch BP fight the consequences of poor planning and poor risk management in the Gulf of Mexico.

Although an oil spill is more dramatic than a few anonymous layoffs, I don't think it's too extravagant to point out that the short term benefit to stockholders has outweighed the long term impact on the public for a long time in lost jobs, lower tax revenue, minimized benefits, and higher stress on both the public and the private coffers, and spreading disenchantment with corporate America generally. For example, I would have to say that an oil giant who waits until well into the second month of a dreadful spill to "redouble" their efforts has probably not pursued the solutions as thoroughly to date as we would all wish, and one has to assume that there was some fiscal incentive to hold off as the driving force.

I think America's leading corporations need to resolve to put the public welfare on par with their own bottom line, and to pursue a course of action that benefits everyone, rather than benefiting their own stockholders at the expense of everyone else.

Complaining is the new great American past time. No matter how worthy the action, you can find someone to complain about it. I think we should resolve, as a country, to focus on what is positive at least as often as we complain about what is wrong. If we complain about teen crime, perhaps we need to compliment those teens who engage in community service. If we focus on government corruption, perhaps we need to laud those government employees who give selflessly of their time and talents to help others in need. If we talk about failing schools, perhaps we also need to look at the schools that are successful, and see whether there is anything to be learned from their success. The constant focus on the negative in our daily lives leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy, I believe, and the more we focus on the positives, the more likely we are to act positively.

As a general rule, I have noticed that dogs tend to be pretty happy in the moment. If you are feeding them, they are overjoyed, even if it's the same thing they've had twice a day for the last ten years. If you take them out, they are thrilled to distraction. When you let them back in, they act as though they haven't seen you in years. If you pick up a toy, they are ready for action, and when you sit down to read, they are dead asleep in ten seconds flat. Whatever they do, dogs do it with gusto and fervor, and throw their whole heart into the effort.

I think my mid-year resolution for this year is to be more like my dogs, more in the moment, more willing to enjoy what I have now, instead of worrying about what may come. I cannot control the future, it is going to happen, no matter how much I may worry about it. So I might as well enjoy today, as a girder for what will surely come tomorrow or the next day.

On this Memorial Day weekend, I am resolved to be thankful for the sacrifices willingly made by others, so that I can pursue my passions and interests in a country where we are free to criticize our government without fear, complain about anything we want, live wherever we choose, worship however we want to, and lead whatever life we feel is best for us and our families, no matter what anyone else thinks of it. It is one of the greatest gifts we have in this life, to pursue our own version of happiness and freedom without fear of reprisal from the government that is in control of our existence.

To paraphrase Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but once." There is a lot of truth to that, and it takes a high toll on the nerves. I will resolve to focus on today, and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Thank you to the people who have given their all, so I can have all that really matters.

A love letter to my daughter...

Twenty five years ago, I held a small seven pound bundle of boy in my arms, and I thought it was the most pure love I would ever know or feel. It was euphoric, and the waves of peace and love and joy just washed over me as that little tiny person, newly born, gazed soulfully and trustingly into my eyes. I couldn't imagine ever feeling that way again, but it was okay, because he was my son, and I could love him all I wanted.

Over the next six years, the hope for another chance at motherhood gradually faded as one miscarriage led to another. After four times, I had resigned myself to the idea that my son would be an only child. I grieved for all that he, [and I,] was missing out on. That sadness was magnified when one day he presented me with a little blue Play-doh person, which he informed me was his new sister, and he asked me to make her alive.

Shortly thereafter, I was unexpectedly pregnant again. I had no hopes, only fears, and a dread of the inevitable. The weeks passed, and I got sicker and sicker, losing over 20 pounds off my 5'9" 110 pound frame. I was a medical experiment, as I endured hyperemesis in the extreme, and then bed rest as the days turned into months, and she held on.

I didn't dare hope, even late into the pregnancy, that this would work out. I was afraid to put a nursery together or buy clothes, because I couldn't quite believe she would make it, and I would really have this dream come true. I was afraid to let go of my feelings and love this new baby, because I couldn't bear to lose her. Of course, eventually I had no choice, as I saw her little heart beating on the many ultrasounds, and then felt her move. Within weeks, she became so real to me I would already have died for her.

Still, I would look at my handsome little boy with his dark curly hair, and I couldn't quite imagine feeling the same way I felt about him for anyone else.

When my little girl made her early, and requisite fully dramatic appearance, it was a harbinger of the life to come. She was a medical emergency, as I was in hard labor by the time I got to the hospital [long story, I don't come out of it looking intelligent at all, so you are not going to hear about this part,] it was six weeks before the due date, and I had to have a C section because of the way my previous C section had been done.

She was in severe distress as my insides started falling apart around her, and the anesthetic didn't work as they made the initial incision. Long story short, I can actually speak to how it would feel if someone cut you open without anesthetic. Ya. Moving on.

The quiet operating room at the moment of her birth is something I will never forget. We all held our breath waiting to hear that cry that never came. It was a heartbreaking moment for me, to have come so far, only to be disappointed at this bitter end. The euphoria I had experienced the first time was replaced with desperate fear, a panic that is simply indescribable. I started to weep silently, and they told me they were going to knock me out so they could finish the operation. I argued, but they insisted, and I went to sleep distraught and miserable.

When I awoke a short time later, it was to the news that she was alive, she was in the NICU, and she was in a bad way. They wheeled my bed past the NICU on the way back to my room, and I got my first glance at my new little girl.

She was laying naked on a little table with a light above her, wires and tubes running off her in every direction. Suddenly, I felt that mother love welling up inside me, just as powerful and real and all encompassing as before. I was worrying about her before I had even seen her face, and there was no question that I loved her as fiercely as I had loved my firstborn.

I asked why she wasn't in an incubator wrapped in a blanket. They gently told me they had her on the warming table so they could get at her more quickly if she needed help, and I felt the icy cold fingers of fear squeezing the blood out of my heart again. I had time for one more quick glance at her still, fragile body before they swept me off to my room to rest and recuperate.

For all that long night, they wouldn't allow me out of bed to go and see her, but they were good to provide me with almost constant updates. I sat up on the side of the bed, and then got out of bed to stand when no one was looking, trying to regain my strength to make the walk down to see my baby for myself.

The next day, I walked down to see her, and my heart was in my throat when I looked at her. She was so tiny, her little ears still folded up against her head, paper thin, her tiny fingers smaller than the tines of a fork. It was amazing to me that someone so small could have such a grip on my emotions, but she grabbed hold and has been playing with my heart ever since.

My love for my two children wasn't exactly the same, either then or now - they are two different people, and their approach to life, as in most other things, has been different from the first moment. But I suddenly realized that the miracle of love is that it is truly boundless, unlimited, and a mother can love all her children with the same overwhelming emotion, even as she loves them all for their own unique selves.

Adam, the moody intellectual, is a laid back perfectionist. He usually thinks everything over in excruciating detail, looking at every possibility before making a decision to be sure he has done exactly what he needs to so the outcome is assured. He makes no move before it's time has come (and sometimes gone, but I digress.)

Erin, the spontaneous emotional performer, is the opposite. There is no decision that cannot be undone in her world. She will make 15 decisions in the time it takes to pour a glass of soda, only to make another change before she takes the first sip. I'm not sure she ever worries about the outcome, as long as she can have fun getting there.

Traveling through life with Erin is an adventure every single day, and she turned my peaceful, quiet existence upside down with the first beat of her heart. I have never been able to take anything for granted with her, and I suspect I never will. She is my wild child, the one I can never quite get a handle on, the one who still confuses and bewilders me, even after 18 years of close observation.

I am a completely different parent with Adam than I am with Erin. The strict structure and clear boundaries and rules that were so effective with Adam are useless with a free spirit like Erin, and she has renegotiated everything from the very first moment of life.

She played goalie on roller blades at age 3 to keep up with everyone else, and she lost her first tooth at her brother's rough housing hands. She has performed since the moment she could walk and talk, and she has been fighting to be in charge, not only of her, but of all of us, since before she was born.

My little girl is not the stuff of the fairy tale princess, sugar and spice and everything nice. She is made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, with a truck full of bhut jolokia pepper for good measure. She will be the match for anyone she comes up against in life, and yet, underneath it all, there is a sensitive, vulnerable soul who meets me in my heart in the most thoughtful ways.

She is a living contradiction, whimsical and capricious, constantly doing the unexpected thing. She is strong willed but warm hearted, quick to anger but quick to forgive. She has faced some very difficult knocks in life, and carries her wounds deep within, but she has never let that stop her from having a good time and enjoying the fun that life offers her.

Erin has taught me to let go a little, that spontaneity can be fun in small doses, and that life is richest when you have variety. She is beautiful and smart, and has provided me with a lot of entertainment as people focus on the obvious characteristic, forgetting about the other. She has a quick mind, and a quicker mouth, and is rarely at a loss for words, which often make me laugh out loud.

As Erin approaches this important life milestone, her high school graduation, I know in my heart she is ready for the life ahead. I have been blessed beyond my wildest imaginings to have her in my world, and my world is a better place for her being here.

A couple of months ago, she had to write a senior speech for an assignment. Her speech was unexpectedly mature and reflective, and she made some very interesting points. It was clear to me that she is on the road to growing up, and although she is only at the start of the journey, she is on the right path.

As she struggles to find her way in the larger world, I know that she will remember who she is and where she has come from. That will give her the foundation from which to soar as high as she wants to.

To my smart, witty, crazy, whimsical, beautiful, amazing daughter, wherever you go and whatever you do, you know that you are always a heartbeat away from me, no matter how far you travel away from here. You no longer need me to be the coach on the sidelines, giving you direction and instruction. From now on you will find me in the bleachers, shouting encouragement and cheering you on. I am available for advice and ideas any time you call, but I will leave the living of your life up to you.

From the moment I first laid eyes on you, my world has changed, expanded, and been turned upside down in ways I could never have imagined. You have enriched my heart even as you depleted my bank account, and you have added to my library of memories even as you frayed my edges. My life story is utterly changed because you came into the world. I look back, and it is almost like I opened the door into Oz the day you were born, but I don't want to go back. You live life in full color, and I cannot imagine it any other way.

My darling daughter, my Sweetie Pie, my teammate and buddy and friend, on this, the day you graduate from high school, I wish you enough failure to grow, but enough success to encourage you to keep trying.

I wish you enough sadness to make you compassionate, and enough joy to keep you smiling.

I wish you just enough fear to keep you safe, and just enough courage to go for whatever you want in life.

I want you to experience self-doubt and self-fulfillment, work and play, poverty and riches, and the wisdom to know what is real and what is false.

I wish you fun and happiness, and the knowledge of the difference.

I wish you long life, thunderstorms, walking along the beach, a lifetime of good books, and the right someone to share them with.

I wish you discernment in your friends, and the ability to know which ones to keep, and which ones to lose.

I wish you everything that life has to offer, for better and for worse, and that when you reach the end of your life journey far in the future, you will be able to look back on a life well lived with few regrets.

As you reach forward with both hands, know that I am always right behind you, an arm's length away, to help catch you as you fall, and to give you a shove when you need it. I give God the glory for knowing exactly what I needed in my life, and it was you.

Happy graduation, Erin Rose.