A father for every day....

Father's Day is always a strange sort of day for me. I had a wonderful father, but lost him far too soon to appreciate what a father brings to your life, or the example that he sets. Thus, Father's Day is not so much bittersweet for me as it is a day off my radar, one that doesn't have a lot of meaning to me, from having rarely celebrated it.

Writing an ode to mothers comes easily and naturally for me. Not only do I have a wonderful mother, I am a mother, and I can easily find many things to say about both roles from long and mostly happy experience.

Writing an ode to fathers is something else again. It is difficult for me each year to find something meaningful to say when I know so little about what it means to be a good father. I know some general qualities, of course - I can go to Hallmark and read cards, like anyone else. I have also observed the reputation of fathers in popular culture, which seems to consist mostly of fulfilling the role of the buffoon in the family circle.

But I do know, from observing those families where the father is an active and valued participant that I have missed something special, something needed, something irreplaceable. Just as there is no substitute for a mother who is missing, there is no compensating for the loss of a father - not just the person, but the function and the role in the lives of their children.

I have often wondered how my life would have been different if my father had remained in it a few more years. What other choices might I have made? What different decisions would have been guided by his strength and wisdom?

There is substantial statistical evidence that fathers, whether they are there or not, have a long term impact on the welfare and happiness of their children over the course of their lives. When the father is missing, for whatever reason, his children are more likely to have trouble in school, to end up divorced themselves, to end up in prison, to have sex earlier and are more likely to get pregnant before they are in a supportive marriage themselves. They are more likely to join gangs, to not attend college, and to have a lower standard of living.

All of those things should be obvious, and yet, we have so many fatherless children in our society that it seems we have sought to trivialize the role a father plays, in order to spare our children the hurt of not having him in their lives. It is a huge disservice, not only to the fathers, but also to our children. They have a right to expect more out of a parent, and we, as a society, should set the bar higher for the men who should be there for their children.

Fathers are not ATM's, child support checks, or stupid buffoons to laugh at. Fathers bring important qualities to the table, qualities that both girls and boys need in order to be successful in their own lives. Instead of denigrating fathers, we should be glorifying those who are there for their families. If we built up the importance of fatherhood, instead of disregarding it, perhaps more children would have that model in their lives, which would benefit society as a whole, as well as their children.

It is possible to be separated from your children and still be involved. I know a father who lives in a different town that has made it a priority to be there for his child, and it shows. She has not felt the lack of a father in her life - on the contrary, she loves and values him for all he has done to be there for her, and she will no doubt look for those same qualities in the man she chooses to be the father of her own children.

It did not happen in a vacuum, of course. Her mother encouraged and enabled the interaction to happen, so that her daughter would have that very valuable person available in her life.

Not all fathers are capable of active participation, unfortunately. Some of them cannot even take care of themselves, to say nothing of children, and have no business being fathers in the first place. That is where other men - uncles, family friends, step-parents - need to step in and take on the role of model for children.

In my life, growing up in rural Norwegian Lutheran Minnesota, we don't wear our hearts on our sleeve. I had various men in my life, especially my uncles, offer to stand in for my father over the years. Mostly, I just turned them down, because there was no substitute for me, and it was too painful. In retrospect, I wish I had taken advantage of that opportunity more often, because I missed the valuable lessons each one had to offer me.

As I got older, I developed a greater appreciation for the qualities that could be found in each uncle. They are a varied lot, some funny, some serious, some playful, others no nonsense. I had something to learn from each one, a truth I figured out much too late in life.

There are a lot of fatherless children in your world today. Whether their father is alive or not, too many children are without that very important and necessary influence, and it is to the detriment of us all.

I encourage every man to step up to the plate, and be the father you should be. Remember that you are a critical part of your child's success, both when they are young, and into their future. Whether or not they go to college, have a stable family, and choose wisely for their own husband and the father of your grandchildren is directly correlated to your positive involvement in their lives. In short, you matter. Never lose sight of that, no matter how television or popular culture may dismiss your positive involvement.

But I encourage each man to go a step further. If you know a child who is in need of a father figure, whether they have a father or not, don't be afraid to step in and be a role model for them. Let them know what they need to hear from a father, because that may be the only way they will get that information.

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, again and again, because you cannot know how important it may be, or what a difference you will make by taking that risk. A child who appears to be uninterested may just be scared, and you cannot predict when the wall will come down and you will be invited in.

I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about my own father, and what he brought into my life that I lost when he was gone.

He was, first and foremost, a loving and affectionate husband and father. My dad and mom never even disagreed in front of me; I don't think they ever had a fight at all. He would kiss and hug my mom freely, whenever he came into the house or saw her, and with obvious pleasure and passion, letting not only her, but everyone, know that she was the best thing about his day.

He was a perfectionist who got very stressed when things didn't go as he thought they should, but he was also a funny guy, a teaser with a ready laugh and a quick wit. He fulfilled his obligations without complaining, and accepted his responsibilities joyfully.

He took time for me, even when he was too busy, because he wanted to spend time with me. I wasn't a nuisance, even when I was asking a million questions and getting in the way, because he valued the time with me, and had a lot to teach me.

He allowed me to fail with guidance, so that I would learn how to do things right, and his lessons have remained with me my entire life. I understand such unexpected things as how engines work because he took the time to show me. I have wonderful memories of being in the barn with him, following him around, because he never shooed me away.

He was a Scout leader, and a 4-H leader. He was a hard worker, but also understood the value of relaxation. He loved to travel and to fish, and would plan our summer vacation for the first possible moment that we were out of school, because he couldn't wait to go and have some fun. Our vacations are some of the happiest memories of my childhood, and I can visualize him even now, in the back of the fishing boat, messing with the motor, holding his rod and reel, excited to be on the water with his family.

My dad gave to others, as well. He was always ready to bring along a niece or nephew on a camping expedition, and he treated them all with the same loving care he showed his own children. I've only recently come to understand how his life and death affected my cousins, who have their own memories and who miss him for their own reasons, the fact of which had never occurred to me before.

On Father's Day, I can only treasure the memories I have of a man that I loved deeply and who loved me selflessly in return. I am grateful for the uncles who partially helped to fill the void left by his absence, and I regret not saying so sooner. I encourage each man to be the father you should be, and to look around you to see who is being left out that you can invite into your world, and for whom you can be a role model.

I wish each child the father they deserve - one that is there for them every day, in every way a father should be. If you have that father, treat him with gratitude and thanksgiving, because you are fortunate. And if you don't, I encourage you to find a role model for yourself that brings what you need to learn about fathers to the table.

Happy Father's Day to every father. Although you are celebrated on this one day, know that you are critically important to your child every day of their life, and you make a difference to them. Embrace the responsibility, and you will be blessed in ways you cannot even imagine.

Rent-A-Guy - His time has come....

After extensive research [okay, I have one single guy friend that I talk to, but I think he's a good representative sample,] I have determined that young women are not in a marrying mood these days. They will go for a casual date, they will even call someone a boyfriend, but when it comes to making commitments, they are less interested than they used to be in traveling to the altar.

I could speculate on the reasons for this phenomenon, such as women making more money today, more women getting degrees, and thus having more opportunity for power and prestige on their own in the work-a-day world, or perhaps just the recent creep of the new adult-adolescence in which 20 somethings are now regarded as advanced teenagers who still need to be cared for and protected, instead of young adults who have to make it on their own.

I wonder what Mary Richards [The Mary Tyler Moore show for those who post-date quality television programming] would have thought of all these 20 and 30 somethings who are moving home to live with their parents, since her whole game was getting out of the house and being successful on her own. But I digress.

My point is, single women are more likely to live alone today than ever before. They buy houses and travel and do yard work and maintenance, and spend big dollars while doing so. Whether or not you see this as a sign of progress or an unfortunate development is not material to this discussion. It does, however, leave an obvious opening for a new, and potentially lucrative, business - Rent-A-Guy, your heavy lifting, maintenance friendly, dad-brother-boyfriend for an hour when you need a hand resource.

I think this is a winner. I have seen the occasional independent handyman advertisements, where you can call a guy in to fix plumbing problems, or do some painting or other types of repairs. But you have to call in advance, schedule an appointment, and wait for them to get around to you. What I have in mind is a little different.

With Rent-A-Guy, you make the call, he shows up. Immediately. Without asking a lot of questions, whining about the Big Game he's missing, or expecting you to put a cold drink in his hand and a warm body in his bed. If you ask him to move furniture, he asks where you want it, and then actually puts it there without adding his own two cents, which obviously won't work anyway. If you have to paint a room, he comes with ladder and floor covering in hand, and doesn't argue with you about the color you've chosen. If you want to replace faucets, he has his own tools, which he can get for himself without assistance.

In short, when you need a hand, he is there. And then he goes away.

As a rapidly maturing single woman, I am occasionally reduced to waiting for my son to return home to get something accomplished, because I need his longer reach or his ability to lift heavier objects than I can.

I don't need a guy to be happy. I don't need a guy to provide for me. [Although if someone wants to throw cash my way, I'll accept it, don't get me wrong!] I don't need a guy to be fulfilled, or complete, or to feel that my life is worthwhile. I need a guy to lift heavy objects, remove dead carcasses from my lawn, and to do yard work.

Rent-A-Guy. I think it's a winner.

Double, double, toil and trouble....

I was perusing the news this morning when I spied something that made my blood run cold. Hell is apparently actually freezing over as you read this, which just goes to show, never underestimate the possibilities in life.

The earth shattering cause of this unexpected agreement? I have finally found something on which Sarah Palin and I concur.

What is this astounding point on which there has finally been a meeting of the minds? The size of Sarah Palin's mammary glands are not something that anyone, other than Sarah, and perhaps Todd, should be thinking about, much less speculating upon. Her breast size is not related to her intelligence, her experience, her ideas, her job performance, her political stance, her faith, her ability to advocate for her own positions, or anything else that is appropriate for the realm of public discussion.

Don't get me wrong. The public persona is all fair game, when you throw your hat into the political arena, for the media, the opposition, her supporters, her detractors, or the population at large to comment upon. And regardless of whether she currently holds office, she is still a political animal, and remains a very public figure given the content of her speeches, her public statements whether on Facebook, Twitter, or in the media, and the groups to whom she presents them. But her physical appearance, particularly over something so personal, the question of whether or not she has had a boob job, should be nobody's business but hers, no matter what you think of her.

Just to throw out a disclaimer here - I have agreed with her on one or two other points over the last couple of years. For example, she probably does have something to contribute to the discussion of oil drilling versus other types of energy, although we should all recognize her personal territorial biases in the discussion.

I also agree with her that her children, as all children, should be totally left out of the news cycle, unless they themselves go looking for publicity, whether they are the children of politicians, athletes, celebrities, or whomever. The children have not asked for the notoriety, and they should be given their privacy, especially as vulnerable teenagers, where they will make many mistakes.

I don't think having them stand on stage with their parents during the campaign [or attending a premiere or otherwise appearing in public with their parent] constitutes a license to humiliate them, either, whether they are Sarah Palin, George Bush, Bill or Hillary Clinton, Will Smith, or even David Letterman, regardless of whether or not they observe the same rules. Two wrongs still don't make a right, and children should be off limits. Period.

So it's not completely unheard of for me to agree with something Sarah Palin says. But it's safe to say that those occasions are pretty few and far between, so it does make me take notice of the moment.

Which brings us back to the subject at hand. I would have imagined by the 21st century we would have moved beyond judging women by their bodies instead of their minds. I am so disappointed to be reminded, once again, that my hope was a pipe dream. Nothing has really changed, even in our so-called enlightened society.

Are men occasionally judged on appearance? Well, Al Gore would probably say that they are, but it doesn't seem to interfere with his being taken seriously when weighty topics are under discussion, even when he says something ridiculous. I am not a fan of Nancy Pelosi, either, but it is her leadership and political philosophy with which I have a problem, not her choice of clothing or her hair style. I don't recall attacks on the personal appearance of Dennis Hastert, even when his opinions differed from the opposition, no matter whether I found his personal appearance pleasing or not.

I wonder when we, as a society, will move beyond a discussion of appearance and into a discussion of ideas and facts if a woman is part of the conversation? When will the stuff in your head, if you are a woman, be more important than what is in your breasts?

For those who dismiss the subject of unequal pay for equal work, this is Exhibit A for why it matters so much. Women make up half the population, and yet, they are routinely dismissed as the lesser half in a variety of subtle and not so subtle ways. It is this inequity that hurts all of us, as our girls consistently set the bar lower for themselves, and fail to reach their fullest potential.

We are denying ourselves the option of having the best minds available, if we don't do everything we can to encourage all our children to reach for the highest goals. Marie Curie was the first woman to receive the Nobel Prize, and is one of the few who have received a Nobel in two different disciplines, but it is still a prize mainly for men 100 years later. One can only wonder how many cures we haven't discovered, how many questions have gone unanswered, how many inventions remain unknown because we continue to treat half the population as second class. I wonder whether AIDS or the Gulf oil catastrophe could have been averted if more women had been involved in research and design.

Women make up more than half of the population, but women are a fraction of the total U.S. Congress. Is it because women are less dedicated? Is it because women have lesser goals? Or is it, in fact, because women are denied the opportunities from the beginning which are required to be politically successful at that level? If it is still a gamble for a woman to run for school board or city council in their area, how do you move beyond that to higher office?

Here are some statistics with which we should all become acquainted. Despite women comprising over 50% of the population in total numbers, only 17% of the Congress that passes the laws we all must live with are female, and most of those women are in the House. [A point worth noticing is that of the 90 women in Congress, 77% of them (69) are Democrats, which means Republican, conservative women are particularly under-represented.]

The numbers are not much better at the state level, where six states out of the 50 are currently governed by women, and the state legislatures are only about 25% female across the country. California, with the highest population of any state, has never had a female governor, and the current female candidate is considered the underdog, despite her experience as CEO of EBay, and throwing tens of millions of her own dollars into the campaign. In the 100 largest cities in the country, women are mayor in only seven of them, SEVEN. I don't know about you, but I consider that abysmal.

If you think it's just politics, here are some more facts that should get the attention of anyone who worries that their daughter will have less opportunity to succeed in life than their sons. According to CNN Money today, of the Fortune 500 companies, a dismal FIFTEEN have a woman CEO. Women don't do any better in the next 500 either, as there are only an additional 13 women serving as CEO's in the Fortune 1000. That is a total of 28 women running the top 1000 companies in this country.

Sadly, this is actually an improvement over last year, when there were 12 and 24 women serving as CEO in each group respectively. While women can and frequently do have different goals and ambitions from their fathers, brothers, spouses and male classmates, that does not explain this level of disparity. It is a problem which is ultimately costing us all, and the consequences are not measurable, because we simply don't know how much we have lost by excluding women from the top leadership in everything from the government to our most influential companies.

None of this is to denigrate the importance of men, and I wouldn't want anyone to be led astray on that point. Men and women have very different qualities, and generally speaking bring totally different skill sets to the table. I believe a part of the problem, in fact, is in our quest for equality. As women, we worry so much about being taken seriously that we focus on our similarities, and have failed to value our differences, which are the real strength of having two genders to begin with.

What, then, do women bring to the table that is unique and special, and which we should value, whether in private life or in the public realm? Women are, by nature, more verbal, collaborative, and generally tend to value consensus more than men. Women tend to discuss issues more thoroughly, and are more likely to look at potential problems in advance, so we can have a game plan at the ready in case of disaster. (Gulf oil spill look any differently from that perspective?) In my own parlance, I would say women are more actionary, while men are more reactionary, by nature.

Even women in positions of high power and prestige tend to exhibit these common female traits to the greatest extent that they can in an arena where manly traits are so much more valued.

This is not just an anecdotal observation. Research has shown that the brain acts differently in men and women when shown the same stimuli, and that research has supported what we instinctively know. Women brainstorm their way to a solution, men act on their experience to find a solution. Ultimately, the desired outcome is frequently achieved, even though we arrived there by different methods. And it is the outcome, that we should be focused on, not the route that got us there.

It saddens me to see any woman, no matter who she is, reduced to a set of physical criteria, at the expense of her ideas. Whether or not I agree with Sarah's stance on anything is less important to me than whether or not, as a woman, her stance on serious issues is taken seriously by the entire public - which includes both genders.

Sarah Palin has become very adept at using her femininity to her advantage, and I have heard criticisms leveled against her for it. But until women are given the same opportunities of power and leadership as men, and evaluated by the same outcomes based criteria as men, the content and quality of their ideas rather than their breasts, their fashion sense, or their faces, I say go for it. If the age old double standard is going to be used against her, she has a right to co-opt it and use it to her advantage, as well.

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream long ago, that his children and my children and your children would, one fine day, be evaluated on the content of their minds, rather than the color of their skin. I would expand upon that dream, because I dream that someday my daughter will be taken as seriously as my son, not for the beauty of her face, but for the intelligent mind and caring heart that resides inside the ephemeral exterior.

Life on the continuum....

As a society, we embrace the Kodak moments, memorializing the happy times with video, pictures, parties, and white frosted cake. We plan for weeks and months, perhaps even years, so that every single detail can be picture perfect, a flawless presentation for everyone to remember.

We are reluctant, however, to admit that the happy moments generally have the counterbalancing sad times, where we have to deal with the reverse emotions of sadness, despair and grief. For every wedding there will be a loss, either of divorce or a funeral, where that union will be shattered. Every day brings happy birthday songs and wishes for some, while it brings the sting of death for others.

Death is an inevitability that we baby boomers are the first generation to largely successfully avoid, at least in the short term, as life spans extend, and our parents and even grandparents live well into their 80's and 90's. The number of elderly, yet active adults continues to bump ever higher, while medical research continues to find ways to cheat the grim reaper of his easy prize.

Many boomers, even those sliding into the Medicare years, still have one or both parents, not only alive, but active and involved and busy in their own lives. Sometimes the only way we can catch up with our busy parents is by cell phone, because they are never home. The days of grandparents sitting idly in rocking chairs seems like a tall tale of yesteryear when compared to the modern matures who travel, eat out, and socialize with their friends on a daily basis.

This weekend, our extended family had a bit of both ends of the spectrum. Although I expected to feel emotionally whiplashed by a funeral in the morning for a beloved uncle, followed by a party in the afternoon for my newly graduated daughter, it turned out to be a wonderful way to honor both of them.  I think, in years to come, my daughter will find she has a deep appreciation for having shared that special day with her great-uncle, and it will be a cherished memory that she will enjoy telling her grandchildren.

We were, of course, sad to lay a husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, and friend to rest on Saturday morning. But we also rejoiced in his life so well lived. We celebrated his accomplishments and service to others with a joyful certainty that he has found his place in heaven with the Lord to whom he dedicated his life. Those of us who loved him are assured that he was welcomed with the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

In the afternoon, we went from paying our final public [but surely not our last personal] respects to a man who was truly a legend in his own small town world, to a party celebrating the new opportunities for a young woman who is just now coming into her own adulthood, and who will have to find her own place in the world. There could be no better example for her to follow than that of the great-uncle whose day she will now always share.

He was a role model extraordinaire, the man who led by example his whole life, with a passion and dedication that would put most of us to shame. He had strong principals which he lived on a daily basis, founded in the home where he was raised, and tempered by his life experiences.

My daughter was fortunate enough to personally know and sincerely love her great-uncle. No trip to Minnesota was complete without a stop to see Aunt Marian and Uncle Albion. She found his life stories interesting, and thought he was funny in the way he told them, even when she heard them more than once. She enjoyed learning about his many accomplishments, and felt pride in being a part of his family.  I know that she will miss him very much in the years to come, but his example of how to live life will live on, not only in his children and grandchildren, but in all the children whose lives he touched. The legacy that he has left for his younger relatives is one of living a passionate life, and it's an example I sincerely hope my daughter will embrace in her own adult life.

Uncle Albion was, first and foremost, passionate about his faith. To know him was to know his faith, his steadfast confidence in his Creator, a Lord so loved that he carried that faith with him through a world war and a lifetime of extraordinary achievements.

Albion embraced the ideal of God's perfect love. A lifelong perfectionist, Albion didn't admit to many mistakes, but he was humble enough to know they were there, and he was grateful to a God that would forgive him for any transgressions. I believe that faith gave him the courage to forge ahead each day for 91.5 years, confident that in his final hour, the God he had professed during his lifetime would meet him and greet him at heaven's gate.

My daughter is at the beginning of her own faith journey, searching for what she believes. She is challenging the faith that she inherited from her older relatives, and is searching for the faith that will be owned by her, and only her, in its entirety. Faith cannot be conferred, it must be won through each person's own life battles. In the end, the faith that is real is the faith that has been tested and found sustaining. If Erin finds the kind of faith that endured for the 91 years of her great-uncle's life, she will certainly have a life equally worthy of looking back on and celebrating on her final day.

Uncle Albion was passionately devoted to his family. When his country called, he left to go into the service, eventually fighting in some of the harshest battles of the war, including the Battle of the Bulge. I have no doubt that he went willingly and even joyfully, knowing in his heart that this fight was to preserve the life of the family that he valued and cherished. He put his life on the line unhesitatingly in order to preserve life for others, and I doubt he ever regretted it for a moment. He went forward with confidence, knowing in his heart that he was following the course that God set for him, and he knew that whatever the outcome for him, he was fighting for something greater and more valuable than himself.

He was a family man, through and through.  He loved his wife, children and grandchildren with a devotion that is unmatched.  He uplifted his sons, listing each accomplishment with great pride as they worked their way up in their careers.  He loved his daughters-in-law, and he never ceased bragging about his grandchildren's accomplishments.  He enjoyed everything they did, even when his granddaughter decided she was a Democrat!

In the last days of his life, he was still working to make life better for his beloved wife, and a little story I was told at the visitation is the best example of his quiet, but powerful love for his family. Aunt Marian had a hip operation which was very risky, but she decided that she needed quality of life, not just life, and she went forward with it. He was so happy and relieved when all went well, and she moved very quickly to a place where she could rehab her hip.

He missed her at home, of course, but spent lots of time with her in her room. He knew that she was in the best place for her, so he was encouraging and supportive of her stay.   But one day, he felt the room was too warm, because the air conditioning wasn't working right. He went home and eventually came back with two small fans, then spent quite a bit of time strategically placing them in the room so that she would receive the maximum benefit from those fans. He refused any help, despite his own difficulties in moving around. It was a labor of love for him to provide those fans for her, and no one was going to take care of her but him. That kind of passion is something to cherish, and the more so after 63 years of marriage.

He loved his extended family, as well.  He called his sister almost every day until the final day of his life, worried about her, even though she was eight years younger and in better health.  He always enjoyed a card or a letter from nieces and nephews, shooting a photo on his back porch to remind him of the visit and the happy time together.  He was never at a loss for words, and if I answered the phone, he would be full of questions for me about my life.

My daughter is at the beginning of her adult life, still discovering the passions within her, searching for the things that are worth fighting for in her own life. But I know that the time spent with her elderly relatives has not been wasted, because she values her family, and would do anything for those she loves. She has already shown herself ready to passionately defend her own family from the threat of harm. I am confident that in the years to come, she will embrace the example of her great-uncle and will serve others, just as she has been served, for the betterment of us all.

Uncle Albion was passionate about his country, and about our way of life. He not only went to war to preserve it, he defended it in many other ways as well.

He was a staunch, and vocal, Republican his whole life. He would argue politics with anyone at any time, and his fervently held opinions were not easily swayed. He volunteered in all sorts of activities, from church choir to Commander of the VFW post in town. He was the town's unofficial ambassador, usually the first to meet new residents and welcome them to the city he considered the fairest in all the world.

Uncle Albion gave of himself generously, and the town gave back with enthusiasm. Among other accolades, he was honored with a citizen of the year award, which was certainly one of his proudest moments. He worked hard his entire life, he never shirked his duties, and he set an example of hard work and dedication to his community that few people could hope to match. He was a Main Street guy, one who believed that you start your service in your own home, and support your local businesses as if your life depended on it. He was willing to sacrifice everything he had, even including his own life, for the next generation to live a life of freedom and democracy, and he would expect no less from each of us.

Erin hasn't had the time or opportunity to make a big impact on the world, but I know that the examples she has observed have rubbed off on her, and made her aware of her own obligation to give back to her country for all she has received. From holding a garage sale to support Save the Children when she was ten, to visiting a nursing home on her own time because she didn't want to let the elderly residents down when the event was cancelled, Erin has learned the importance of giving back, and the joy of service to others. I think that in the years to come, she will give more and more of herself, and the example of service to others set by all her relatives will surely not be far from her thoughts.

I think for my family, Erin and Albion will always be inextricably linked because of the special day they shared.  We will never forget that her party was on the same day as his funeral. But as disconcerting as that could have been, it turned out to be a wonderful celebration of life on the full continuum, and I know that Albion wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  I never saw him happier than when he was at a family event, holding court with his relatives, young and old, and soaking up the atmosphere of the event.

When we sanitize the hard stuff of life, glossing over the valleys we all must pass through at some point or another, we are deprived of the wonderful inspiration we receive from people like my Uncle Albion, and we take away the tremendous examples that are set for us by those who have gone there before us. I know that my uncle went into his future unafraid, because he had already faced all his fears, and he was not found wanting. He knew his Lord was waiting for him on the other side, so he was unafraid to make the journey. I can think of nothing more comforting than the assurance that people such as him will be waiting for us when our own time has come.

I will miss my uncle in ways I am only beginning to appreciate, because he has always been there, a stalwart part of life that I counted on to never change. But his death was much like his life, I think. It occurred in his own time, and in his own place. I can only hope that as my own daughter approaches her final days decades from now, she will be able to look back on a life lived as passionately, joyfully, and most importantly, as well as the great-uncle with whom she will be forever linked.

Then the Lord will greet her, too, with the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." There could be no higher reward.

New resolutions for an old year....

I do not make New Year's resolutions. I believe I mentioned that last year, right before I made a resolution which I shared with the entire cyberspace universe. Which turned out to be the proof for why I do not make New Year's resolutions, because inevitably, I did not keep it. So now I am sitting here with mud in my eye, or something like that, because I have made a liar out of myself in a public forum.

I don't want to talk about it. If you want to know that badly, you will have to go back in time and look for yourself. Meantime, I am going to maintain a wounded silence on the topic of New Year's resolutions, and move on.

But if I were going to talk about them, I have a few that other people might want to think about.

This past winter, as I looked outside at the piles of snow in amounts not seen in these parts for lo these many years, I seriously wondered when that whole global warming thing was going to kick in. I moved south because I wanted to be closer to the equator. Evidently I overshot my mark, because this past winter I enjoyed the kind of balmy weather usually experienced at the south pole.

Perhaps a resolution for the scientific community might be in order. I would resolve to keep a lid on it when you discover something new to talk about until the facts actually support your theory. An additional hint to the scientific community - choose the name of your movement wisely, because you never know when "Warming" will have to become "Change," as in the event, Mother Nature does the opposite of what you predicted. [Mother Nature is whimsical, and enjoys making fools out of humans. You forget that reality at your reputational peril.]

Weight loss is a favorite resolution target for many Americans. Since we are the most overweight population on earth, that only makes sense. But the American population is not the only thing in this country that is bloated. I think our Congress and President should make a resolution to treat the national budget like we do our personal budgets.

In other words, never spend another dime that is not paid for, don't outsource mandates to the states to cope with when you have no money to fund them yourself, reign in our national debt to manageable levels before we are financially bankrupt. [Oh wait. Too late for that one. Well, we need to emerge from bankruptcy and be more responsible, then, at the very least.]

Corporations are another entity that needs to look introspectively, and decide where their priorities lie. They tend to look for short term benefits at the expense of long term consequences. We are seeing the risks of this strategy play out in horrifying detail as we watch BP fight the consequences of poor planning and poor risk management in the Gulf of Mexico.

Although an oil spill is more dramatic than a few anonymous layoffs, I don't think it's too extravagant to point out that the short term benefit to stockholders has outweighed the long term impact on the public for a long time in lost jobs, lower tax revenue, minimized benefits, and higher stress on both the public and the private coffers, and spreading disenchantment with corporate America generally. For example, I would have to say that an oil giant who waits until well into the second month of a dreadful spill to "redouble" their efforts has probably not pursued the solutions as thoroughly to date as we would all wish, and one has to assume that there was some fiscal incentive to hold off as the driving force.

I think America's leading corporations need to resolve to put the public welfare on par with their own bottom line, and to pursue a course of action that benefits everyone, rather than benefiting their own stockholders at the expense of everyone else.

Complaining is the new great American past time. No matter how worthy the action, you can find someone to complain about it. I think we should resolve, as a country, to focus on what is positive at least as often as we complain about what is wrong. If we complain about teen crime, perhaps we need to compliment those teens who engage in community service. If we focus on government corruption, perhaps we need to laud those government employees who give selflessly of their time and talents to help others in need. If we talk about failing schools, perhaps we also need to look at the schools that are successful, and see whether there is anything to be learned from their success. The constant focus on the negative in our daily lives leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy, I believe, and the more we focus on the positives, the more likely we are to act positively.

As a general rule, I have noticed that dogs tend to be pretty happy in the moment. If you are feeding them, they are overjoyed, even if it's the same thing they've had twice a day for the last ten years. If you take them out, they are thrilled to distraction. When you let them back in, they act as though they haven't seen you in years. If you pick up a toy, they are ready for action, and when you sit down to read, they are dead asleep in ten seconds flat. Whatever they do, dogs do it with gusto and fervor, and throw their whole heart into the effort.

I think my mid-year resolution for this year is to be more like my dogs, more in the moment, more willing to enjoy what I have now, instead of worrying about what may come. I cannot control the future, it is going to happen, no matter how much I may worry about it. So I might as well enjoy today, as a girder for what will surely come tomorrow or the next day.

On this Memorial Day weekend, I am resolved to be thankful for the sacrifices willingly made by others, so that I can pursue my passions and interests in a country where we are free to criticize our government without fear, complain about anything we want, live wherever we choose, worship however we want to, and lead whatever life we feel is best for us and our families, no matter what anyone else thinks of it. It is one of the greatest gifts we have in this life, to pursue our own version of happiness and freedom without fear of reprisal from the government that is in control of our existence.

To paraphrase Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but once." There is a lot of truth to that, and it takes a high toll on the nerves. I will resolve to focus on today, and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Thank you to the people who have given their all, so I can have all that really matters.