I realized yesterday that I am now less than a month away from that moment in my life when I will become an Only Person.
I find that idea both exhilarating and nerve inducing, terrifying while also being thrilling. No matter what my future holds, my life will be different than it has ever been before. No longer will I have to consider anyone else in my daily activities. I will not be tied to anyone else's needs. I will be on my own, a free woman, a true single.
I will be free to make my own commitments, unhindered by unexpected demands made by someone else who comes first. As an Only Person, I get to be first, last, and only, at least to some extent. Not gonna lie; I am empowered by the thought.
My entire life, I have been an adjunct to someone else. I have been someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's wife, someone's mother. Rarely have I been seen as my own person, even in the work world, as I surrounded myself with photos of the family that was out of sight, but never out of mind. My schedule, even as a working woman, has always revolved around the children whose lives were at the center of my daily life, and whose needs, and usually wants, have always been put first.
I am a fortunate woman, indeed, to have such a wonderful family. I am blessed with a mother who still drops everything to talk to me when I need her. She is there for me in a million big and little ways, each and every day of my life. But my existence is no longer defined by her time and attention. I am no longer identified by my relationship with her, as I was when I was young. Although she knows many of my friends, at least by name, she is known through me, rather than the other way around.
Since the day I found out my son was on the way, I have been a mom. I self-identified that way, and others identified me that way. My life has been directed by my children's activities and lives, and for the last 25 years, that has been who I am.
I have noticed when men meet, the first topic of discussion is always their career, no matter what the setting. They identify themselves by their work, first and foremost, and everything else is secondary.
When women meet, the first thing they discuss is marital status and motherhood, even when they are working women with high powered careers. We all identify ourselves, it seems, by our families, even when we are highly placed or powerful.
Hilary Clinton, the U.S. Secretary of State, recently revealed that her highest priority at this moment is her daughter's wedding, a statement that resonated for every woman who has either had a wedding or been the mother of the bride. It is the biggest moment in her daughter's life, and even someone as important as she knows what is most important in the big scheme of things. I doubt that she is neglecting her duties at the office; she is, if she is like every other woman, more likely neglecting herself in order to be all things to everyone who needs her.
In one month, however, my life changes radically, as the two people whose lives have been the driver for mine will both be on their own. For the first time in my life, I will answer only to me, at least on a day to day level. I don't have any illusions that I am not still going to be the mom, and that I won't still answer to my offspring! But how I spend each day will be totally up to me, for the first time in my whole life.
I have had a bucket list of things I've wanted to do since my kids were little, and there has never been time for any of it before. Perhaps now, at long last, I will finally find the time. Maybe I will go through 20 year old boxes and discard the former memories that I have now forgotten. Maybe I will look at cards given to me by people whose names have slipped my mind, and whose faces appear only in old photographs. Maybe I will finally start the process of reducing my possessions, once so important to me, and streamlining my life to suit a still relatively young and very single woman.
Or maybe, instead, I will simply lie on the sofa and read for entire weekends, living off popcorn and raspberry lemonade. I will be able to sleep late if I want to, go to church on Saturday night on a whim because I'm driving by anyway, or sit on the deck under the umbrella for hours while playing spider solitaire.
The possibilities are wide open, and I hardly know where to start. Many people fear this time of life, the empty nest, because it means they have to start anew on a life that has become familiar and comfortable, even if it's not quite what they had dreamed of back when it started.
Having started over several times in the last few years, I am no longer afraid of the new start. Having failed almost as many times in the same time span, I am not afraid of failure, either. I see it as the ultimate learning opportunity - a time to recognize what doesn't work for me - which is just as important as finding out what does.
I don't really know what the next few months will mean for me, and for my life, but I do know one thing for certain - I am excited to see where the journey leads me next. As the old saying goes, life is a journey, not a destination. Here's hoping the ETA is still a long ways away for me, because I've got too much ahead to arrive too soon.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
An Unexpected Gift
When you grow up in Minnesota and spend your adult life mostly in Kansas City, seeing a mountain is a departure from your usual reality. It indicates time away from Real Life. It helps put life and whatever problems there may be into perspective, and triggers awed inspiration in even the most calloused of observers.
But there are perhaps no more wild and beautiful mountains than those found in the state of Alaska. We just returned from ten days amidst them, time spent visiting my sweet and generous brother, Charlie, and his caring and wonderful wife, Laurel. Seeing them makes the trip worthwhile, of course, in and of itself. The mountains are an added bonus for us.
We are lucky, because seeing our family on their home turf goes along with the additional thrill of a spectacular view from the front windows and the back ones, too. Whether you are sitting in the dining room or working in the kitchen, you have a view that is breathtaking and spectacular. [Well, you do as long as the mountains aren't socked in, as they were pretty much the entire time we were there. I brought my usual drought ending phenomenon to Alaska and saved them from the summer wildfires they usually experience this time of year.]
When you say Alaskan mountains, most people think of Mt. McKinley, the jewel of the Alaska Range. But for me, I think of other mountains, rugged, wild and accessible - at least if my brother is around. Because he will spare himself no effort in order to bring the full experience to us while we are there. And on this trip, since the mountains by his home weren't very available, he drove us halfway across the state to some that were. And what an unbelievable experience it was.
We were fortunate enough to visit the ghost town of Kennecott, located in the Wrangell-St. Elias National Park. Kennecott is remote and isolated, 60 miles down a rough and rugged gravel road [the former railroad bed, in fact] from the nearest pavement.
Kennecott is an eerie remnant of the massive copper mining operation that produced over 5 million tons of copper ore during it's active life. The town was a bustling, thriving village at the end of an isolated, single rail line. Supplies were ordered from Seattle, and the only link with civilization was the train that was originally built to carry the copper ore away to be processed. It had to be a rather fragile and tenuous connection with the outside world. In consequence, they built up a town that was as modern as a turn of the century village in the middle of the Alaskan wilds could be.
When the good ore ran out, the village was abandoned, lock, stock and barrel. When my brother first visited the area in 1977, before it became a national landmark and any reclamation had been done, he found most of the abandoned town held in suspension, everything left in place, almost as if the people expected to be away a day or two and then return to pick up life where they left off.
Records were still in filing cabinets, dishes in the cupboards, furniture and equipment left where they were last in use. I can only imagine that the cost of removing everything exceeded the value of the items in question, and thus, the mining company opted to simply abandon it, rather than go to the expense of hauling it back out of the mountains again.
Fast forward a hundred years, and the town, with it's abandoned buildings and other detritus, has been named a national landmark. It is in the process of being restored, a project massive in scope, which has brought Kennecott back to life again with the influx of engineers and architects and forest service personnel. A supporting cast of restaurant, lodging and guide services have sprung up, too, and suddenly, the ghost town is bustling again.
Kennecott is hardly less remote today than it was back in 1900, and the journey there is a rough and ready reminder of just how isolated that area is. The pavement ends at Chitna, on the Copper River, known to salmon lovers for their world famous fish.
The 60 mile drive from Chitna to McCarthy, on the former railbed, running in the valley between two mountain ranges, is an awe inspiring journey through nature in its purest form, with new and ever more spectacular and breathtaking views around every curve. The forest, pressing in on the road the whole way, is teaming with wildlife native to the area, including bear, moose, and my personal favorite, porcupines.
We parked the van in McCarthy, the last "living" town at the end of the road, and walked over a footbridge to meet the shuttle that would take us into Kennecott. It is like a time warp, in many ways, blasting back into another world and another time.
From a distance, the copper mill looms over the little village, which itself overlooks the massive Root Glacier. The runoff from the mountainside on which it is perched, running through the middle of the town, has claimed many of the buildings that formerly made up the town. The evidence is everywhere of the buildings that have been shoved down the mountainside with the force of the water flowing through them as you can see them smashed and devastated in various places along the water's route.
The process of reclaiming the remaining buildings is well under way, however, with the water being harnessed and rerouted to the best advantage, not to control nature, but to work with it. The buildings are being moved up and out of the way, allowing the water to flow back in it's traditional place. It is a project of enormous scope, and it's clear that it will provide occupation for some time to come, as they are only beginning the long and arduous task of restoration.
The town is nestled on a mountainside, with trails leading in every direction. You can easily head down to the glacier, laid out below in it's spectacular expanse. You can, as easily, head higher into the mountains, aiming for the mines above where the ore was extracted and brought down the mountain to the mill.
The trails cut into the vast, green expanse looming above the town, leading the way to the promise of every mountaintop. When you climb those steep and unforgiving trails [the guide book called them relentlessly steep, which we agreed was a fair description] you feel on top of the world. It is an almost untouchable paradise, where you can easily commune with God and nature in equal measure.
Whatever mountaintop you achieve, there always seems to be one above it to reach for, and you feel small and insignificant as you see the panorama laid out below you. As with every mountain, the scale is deceptive - you feel like everything is right there, within easy range, and then you realize it's still just as far away as when you started.
There is no easy way to reach the heights of the mountaintop. There are no shortcuts in that natural setting. There are no trams, no trains, no gondolas or elevators. To reach your objective, you must make the climb, step by step,each one difficult and arduous, even as it takes your breath away to see the panorama laid out below you. The work to get there makes achieving the mountaintop even more thrilling, and knowing that few are willing to make that effort is rewarding in and of itself.
Every time I go to the mountains, I am awed anew by the wondrous beauty they present. The crashing of tectonic plates deep under the surface of the earth has produced a scene of such beauty and magnificence, words are simply inadequate to describe it.
As you make the climb into the otherworld of the mountains, your senses are almost assaulted by the rugged beauty of nature seldom seen. It is exciting to know that you are walking on territory seldom tread by human feet, and that you are communing with nature much as the earliest settlers did so long ago. What you see today is probably not much different than what they saw a hundred years ago, and I suspect that they were as awed and overwhelmed by their surroundings as we were.
The best part of all, however, comes when you have achieved your goal, and the journey back begins. The trails are not straight down, that would be far too steep. Instead, they zig zag back and forth across the mountainside, leading you from one side to the other, and on each turn, you are treated to yet another view. It is an unexpected gift each time you look up to see the scene has changed - familiar yet different.
The unending far northern daylight allowed us to arrive back at the lodge where we were staying at midnight, still in the light of the waning day. We had a view that was unparalleled the entire way down, not a moment of the wild beauty wasted. I was grateful to my brother and sister-in-law for taking me to the mountaintop, despite their own fatigue and desire to go to bed. It was a rare and unique opportunity for me, and one which I will never forget.
Nature, in her purest form, is simply not reproducible. I took pictures, of course, to remind myself of the experience. When I look at the limited two dimensional representation of that experience, I can conjure up in my memory the thrill of being there, and while it isn't enough, it is adequate, at least for the time being, until I can return and once again experience it for real.
A trip to visit my family is always a gift, and I am grateful for the time and the love we shared. The unexpected gift of the mountaintop, however, came straight from God.
But there are perhaps no more wild and beautiful mountains than those found in the state of Alaska. We just returned from ten days amidst them, time spent visiting my sweet and generous brother, Charlie, and his caring and wonderful wife, Laurel. Seeing them makes the trip worthwhile, of course, in and of itself. The mountains are an added bonus for us.
We are lucky, because seeing our family on their home turf goes along with the additional thrill of a spectacular view from the front windows and the back ones, too. Whether you are sitting in the dining room or working in the kitchen, you have a view that is breathtaking and spectacular. [Well, you do as long as the mountains aren't socked in, as they were pretty much the entire time we were there. I brought my usual drought ending phenomenon to Alaska and saved them from the summer wildfires they usually experience this time of year.]
When you say Alaskan mountains, most people think of Mt. McKinley, the jewel of the Alaska Range. But for me, I think of other mountains, rugged, wild and accessible - at least if my brother is around. Because he will spare himself no effort in order to bring the full experience to us while we are there. And on this trip, since the mountains by his home weren't very available, he drove us halfway across the state to some that were. And what an unbelievable experience it was.
We were fortunate enough to visit the ghost town of Kennecott, located in the Wrangell-St. Elias National Park. Kennecott is remote and isolated, 60 miles down a rough and rugged gravel road [the former railroad bed, in fact] from the nearest pavement.
Kennecott is an eerie remnant of the massive copper mining operation that produced over 5 million tons of copper ore during it's active life. The town was a bustling, thriving village at the end of an isolated, single rail line. Supplies were ordered from Seattle, and the only link with civilization was the train that was originally built to carry the copper ore away to be processed. It had to be a rather fragile and tenuous connection with the outside world. In consequence, they built up a town that was as modern as a turn of the century village in the middle of the Alaskan wilds could be.
When the good ore ran out, the village was abandoned, lock, stock and barrel. When my brother first visited the area in 1977, before it became a national landmark and any reclamation had been done, he found most of the abandoned town held in suspension, everything left in place, almost as if the people expected to be away a day or two and then return to pick up life where they left off.
Records were still in filing cabinets, dishes in the cupboards, furniture and equipment left where they were last in use. I can only imagine that the cost of removing everything exceeded the value of the items in question, and thus, the mining company opted to simply abandon it, rather than go to the expense of hauling it back out of the mountains again.
Fast forward a hundred years, and the town, with it's abandoned buildings and other detritus, has been named a national landmark. It is in the process of being restored, a project massive in scope, which has brought Kennecott back to life again with the influx of engineers and architects and forest service personnel. A supporting cast of restaurant, lodging and guide services have sprung up, too, and suddenly, the ghost town is bustling again.
Kennecott is hardly less remote today than it was back in 1900, and the journey there is a rough and ready reminder of just how isolated that area is. The pavement ends at Chitna, on the Copper River, known to salmon lovers for their world famous fish.
The 60 mile drive from Chitna to McCarthy, on the former railbed, running in the valley between two mountain ranges, is an awe inspiring journey through nature in its purest form, with new and ever more spectacular and breathtaking views around every curve. The forest, pressing in on the road the whole way, is teaming with wildlife native to the area, including bear, moose, and my personal favorite, porcupines.
We parked the van in McCarthy, the last "living" town at the end of the road, and walked over a footbridge to meet the shuttle that would take us into Kennecott. It is like a time warp, in many ways, blasting back into another world and another time.
From a distance, the copper mill looms over the little village, which itself overlooks the massive Root Glacier. The runoff from the mountainside on which it is perched, running through the middle of the town, has claimed many of the buildings that formerly made up the town. The evidence is everywhere of the buildings that have been shoved down the mountainside with the force of the water flowing through them as you can see them smashed and devastated in various places along the water's route.
The process of reclaiming the remaining buildings is well under way, however, with the water being harnessed and rerouted to the best advantage, not to control nature, but to work with it. The buildings are being moved up and out of the way, allowing the water to flow back in it's traditional place. It is a project of enormous scope, and it's clear that it will provide occupation for some time to come, as they are only beginning the long and arduous task of restoration.
The town is nestled on a mountainside, with trails leading in every direction. You can easily head down to the glacier, laid out below in it's spectacular expanse. You can, as easily, head higher into the mountains, aiming for the mines above where the ore was extracted and brought down the mountain to the mill.
The trails cut into the vast, green expanse looming above the town, leading the way to the promise of every mountaintop. When you climb those steep and unforgiving trails [the guide book called them relentlessly steep, which we agreed was a fair description] you feel on top of the world. It is an almost untouchable paradise, where you can easily commune with God and nature in equal measure.
Whatever mountaintop you achieve, there always seems to be one above it to reach for, and you feel small and insignificant as you see the panorama laid out below you. As with every mountain, the scale is deceptive - you feel like everything is right there, within easy range, and then you realize it's still just as far away as when you started.
There is no easy way to reach the heights of the mountaintop. There are no shortcuts in that natural setting. There are no trams, no trains, no gondolas or elevators. To reach your objective, you must make the climb, step by step,each one difficult and arduous, even as it takes your breath away to see the panorama laid out below you. The work to get there makes achieving the mountaintop even more thrilling, and knowing that few are willing to make that effort is rewarding in and of itself.
Every time I go to the mountains, I am awed anew by the wondrous beauty they present. The crashing of tectonic plates deep under the surface of the earth has produced a scene of such beauty and magnificence, words are simply inadequate to describe it.
As you make the climb into the otherworld of the mountains, your senses are almost assaulted by the rugged beauty of nature seldom seen. It is exciting to know that you are walking on territory seldom tread by human feet, and that you are communing with nature much as the earliest settlers did so long ago. What you see today is probably not much different than what they saw a hundred years ago, and I suspect that they were as awed and overwhelmed by their surroundings as we were.
The best part of all, however, comes when you have achieved your goal, and the journey back begins. The trails are not straight down, that would be far too steep. Instead, they zig zag back and forth across the mountainside, leading you from one side to the other, and on each turn, you are treated to yet another view. It is an unexpected gift each time you look up to see the scene has changed - familiar yet different.
The unending far northern daylight allowed us to arrive back at the lodge where we were staying at midnight, still in the light of the waning day. We had a view that was unparalleled the entire way down, not a moment of the wild beauty wasted. I was grateful to my brother and sister-in-law for taking me to the mountaintop, despite their own fatigue and desire to go to bed. It was a rare and unique opportunity for me, and one which I will never forget.
Nature, in her purest form, is simply not reproducible. I took pictures, of course, to remind myself of the experience. When I look at the limited two dimensional representation of that experience, I can conjure up in my memory the thrill of being there, and while it isn't enough, it is adequate, at least for the time being, until I can return and once again experience it for real.
A trip to visit my family is always a gift, and I am grateful for the time and the love we shared. The unexpected gift of the mountaintop, however, came straight from God.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A father for every day....
Father's Day is always a strange sort of day for me. I had a wonderful father, but lost him far too soon to appreciate what a father brings to your life, or the example that he sets. Thus, Father's Day is not so much bittersweet for me as it is a day off my radar, one that doesn't have a lot of meaning to me, from having rarely celebrated it.
Writing an ode to mothers comes easily and naturally for me. Not only do I have a wonderful mother, I am a mother, and I can easily find many things to say about both roles from long and mostly happy experience.
Writing an ode to fathers is something else again. It is difficult for me each year to find something meaningful to say when I know so little about what it means to be a good father. I know some general qualities, of course - I can go to Hallmark and read cards, like anyone else. I have also observed the reputation of fathers in popular culture, which seems to consist mostly of fulfilling the role of the buffoon in the family circle.
But I do know, from observing those families where the father is an active and valued participant that I have missed something special, something needed, something irreplaceable. Just as there is no substitute for a mother who is missing, there is no compensating for the loss of a father - not just the person, but the function and the role in the lives of their children.
I have often wondered how my life would have been different if my father had remained in it a few more years. What other choices might I have made? What different decisions would have been guided by his strength and wisdom?
There is substantial statistical evidence that fathers, whether they are there or not, have a long term impact on the welfare and happiness of their children over the course of their lives. When the father is missing, for whatever reason, his children are more likely to have trouble in school, to end up divorced themselves, to end up in prison, to have sex earlier and are more likely to get pregnant before they are in a supportive marriage themselves. They are more likely to join gangs, to not attend college, and to have a lower standard of living.
All of those things should be obvious, and yet, we have so many fatherless children in our society that it seems we have sought to trivialize the role a father plays, in order to spare our children the hurt of not having him in their lives. It is a huge disservice, not only to the fathers, but also to our children. They have a right to expect more out of a parent, and we, as a society, should set the bar higher for the men who should be there for their children.
Fathers are not ATM's, child support checks, or stupid buffoons to laugh at. Fathers bring important qualities to the table, qualities that both girls and boys need in order to be successful in their own lives. Instead of denigrating fathers, we should be glorifying those who are there for their families. If we built up the importance of fatherhood, instead of disregarding it, perhaps more children would have that model in their lives, which would benefit society as a whole, as well as their children.
It is possible to be separated from your children and still be involved. I know a father who lives in a different town that has made it a priority to be there for his child, and it shows. She has not felt the lack of a father in her life - on the contrary, she loves and values him for all he has done to be there for her, and she will no doubt look for those same qualities in the man she chooses to be the father of her own children.
It did not happen in a vacuum, of course. Her mother encouraged and enabled the interaction to happen, so that her daughter would have that very valuable person available in her life.
Not all fathers are capable of active participation, unfortunately. Some of them cannot even take care of themselves, to say nothing of children, and have no business being fathers in the first place. That is where other men - uncles, family friends, step-parents - need to step in and take on the role of model for children.
In my life, growing up in rural Norwegian Lutheran Minnesota, we don't wear our hearts on our sleeve. I had various men in my life, especially my uncles, offer to stand in for my father over the years. Mostly, I just turned them down, because there was no substitute for me, and it was too painful. In retrospect, I wish I had taken advantage of that opportunity more often, because I missed the valuable lessons each one had to offer me.
As I got older, I developed a greater appreciation for the qualities that could be found in each uncle. They are a varied lot, some funny, some serious, some playful, others no nonsense. I had something to learn from each one, a truth I figured out much too late in life.
There are a lot of fatherless children in your world today. Whether their father is alive or not, too many children are without that very important and necessary influence, and it is to the detriment of us all.
I encourage every man to step up to the plate, and be the father you should be. Remember that you are a critical part of your child's success, both when they are young, and into their future. Whether or not they go to college, have a stable family, and choose wisely for their own husband and the father of your grandchildren is directly correlated to your positive involvement in their lives. In short, you matter. Never lose sight of that, no matter how television or popular culture may dismiss your positive involvement.
But I encourage each man to go a step further. If you know a child who is in need of a father figure, whether they have a father or not, don't be afraid to step in and be a role model for them. Let them know what they need to hear from a father, because that may be the only way they will get that information.
Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, again and again, because you cannot know how important it may be, or what a difference you will make by taking that risk. A child who appears to be uninterested may just be scared, and you cannot predict when the wall will come down and you will be invited in.
I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about my own father, and what he brought into my life that I lost when he was gone.
He was, first and foremost, a loving and affectionate husband and father. My dad and mom never even disagreed in front of me; I don't think they ever had a fight at all. He would kiss and hug my mom freely, whenever he came into the house or saw her, and with obvious pleasure and passion, letting not only her, but everyone, know that she was the best thing about his day.
He was a perfectionist who got very stressed when things didn't go as he thought they should, but he was also a funny guy, a teaser with a ready laugh and a quick wit. He fulfilled his obligations without complaining, and accepted his responsibilities joyfully.
He took time for me, even when he was too busy, because he wanted to spend time with me. I wasn't a nuisance, even when I was asking a million questions and getting in the way, because he valued the time with me, and had a lot to teach me.
He allowed me to fail with guidance, so that I would learn how to do things right, and his lessons have remained with me my entire life. I understand such unexpected things as how engines work because he took the time to show me. I have wonderful memories of being in the barn with him, following him around, because he never shooed me away.
He was a Scout leader, and a 4-H leader. He was a hard worker, but also understood the value of relaxation. He loved to travel and to fish, and would plan our summer vacation for the first possible moment that we were out of school, because he couldn't wait to go and have some fun. Our vacations are some of the happiest memories of my childhood, and I can visualize him even now, in the back of the fishing boat, messing with the motor, holding his rod and reel, excited to be on the water with his family.
My dad gave to others, as well. He was always ready to bring along a niece or nephew on a camping expedition, and he treated them all with the same loving care he showed his own children. I've only recently come to understand how his life and death affected my cousins, who have their own memories and who miss him for their own reasons, the fact of which had never occurred to me before.
On Father's Day, I can only treasure the memories I have of a man that I loved deeply and who loved me selflessly in return. I am grateful for the uncles who partially helped to fill the void left by his absence, and I regret not saying so sooner. I encourage each man to be the father you should be, and to look around you to see who is being left out that you can invite into your world, and for whom you can be a role model.
I wish each child the father they deserve - one that is there for them every day, in every way a father should be. If you have that father, treat him with gratitude and thanksgiving, because you are fortunate. And if you don't, I encourage you to find a role model for yourself that brings what you need to learn about fathers to the table.
Happy Father's Day to every father. Although you are celebrated on this one day, know that you are critically important to your child every day of their life, and you make a difference to them. Embrace the responsibility, and you will be blessed in ways you cannot even imagine.
Writing an ode to mothers comes easily and naturally for me. Not only do I have a wonderful mother, I am a mother, and I can easily find many things to say about both roles from long and mostly happy experience.
Writing an ode to fathers is something else again. It is difficult for me each year to find something meaningful to say when I know so little about what it means to be a good father. I know some general qualities, of course - I can go to Hallmark and read cards, like anyone else. I have also observed the reputation of fathers in popular culture, which seems to consist mostly of fulfilling the role of the buffoon in the family circle.
But I do know, from observing those families where the father is an active and valued participant that I have missed something special, something needed, something irreplaceable. Just as there is no substitute for a mother who is missing, there is no compensating for the loss of a father - not just the person, but the function and the role in the lives of their children.
I have often wondered how my life would have been different if my father had remained in it a few more years. What other choices might I have made? What different decisions would have been guided by his strength and wisdom?
There is substantial statistical evidence that fathers, whether they are there or not, have a long term impact on the welfare and happiness of their children over the course of their lives. When the father is missing, for whatever reason, his children are more likely to have trouble in school, to end up divorced themselves, to end up in prison, to have sex earlier and are more likely to get pregnant before they are in a supportive marriage themselves. They are more likely to join gangs, to not attend college, and to have a lower standard of living.
All of those things should be obvious, and yet, we have so many fatherless children in our society that it seems we have sought to trivialize the role a father plays, in order to spare our children the hurt of not having him in their lives. It is a huge disservice, not only to the fathers, but also to our children. They have a right to expect more out of a parent, and we, as a society, should set the bar higher for the men who should be there for their children.
Fathers are not ATM's, child support checks, or stupid buffoons to laugh at. Fathers bring important qualities to the table, qualities that both girls and boys need in order to be successful in their own lives. Instead of denigrating fathers, we should be glorifying those who are there for their families. If we built up the importance of fatherhood, instead of disregarding it, perhaps more children would have that model in their lives, which would benefit society as a whole, as well as their children.
It is possible to be separated from your children and still be involved. I know a father who lives in a different town that has made it a priority to be there for his child, and it shows. She has not felt the lack of a father in her life - on the contrary, she loves and values him for all he has done to be there for her, and she will no doubt look for those same qualities in the man she chooses to be the father of her own children.
It did not happen in a vacuum, of course. Her mother encouraged and enabled the interaction to happen, so that her daughter would have that very valuable person available in her life.
Not all fathers are capable of active participation, unfortunately. Some of them cannot even take care of themselves, to say nothing of children, and have no business being fathers in the first place. That is where other men - uncles, family friends, step-parents - need to step in and take on the role of model for children.
In my life, growing up in rural Norwegian Lutheran Minnesota, we don't wear our hearts on our sleeve. I had various men in my life, especially my uncles, offer to stand in for my father over the years. Mostly, I just turned them down, because there was no substitute for me, and it was too painful. In retrospect, I wish I had taken advantage of that opportunity more often, because I missed the valuable lessons each one had to offer me.
As I got older, I developed a greater appreciation for the qualities that could be found in each uncle. They are a varied lot, some funny, some serious, some playful, others no nonsense. I had something to learn from each one, a truth I figured out much too late in life.
There are a lot of fatherless children in your world today. Whether their father is alive or not, too many children are without that very important and necessary influence, and it is to the detriment of us all.
I encourage every man to step up to the plate, and be the father you should be. Remember that you are a critical part of your child's success, both when they are young, and into their future. Whether or not they go to college, have a stable family, and choose wisely for their own husband and the father of your grandchildren is directly correlated to your positive involvement in their lives. In short, you matter. Never lose sight of that, no matter how television or popular culture may dismiss your positive involvement.
But I encourage each man to go a step further. If you know a child who is in need of a father figure, whether they have a father or not, don't be afraid to step in and be a role model for them. Let them know what they need to hear from a father, because that may be the only way they will get that information.
Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, again and again, because you cannot know how important it may be, or what a difference you will make by taking that risk. A child who appears to be uninterested may just be scared, and you cannot predict when the wall will come down and you will be invited in.
I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about my own father, and what he brought into my life that I lost when he was gone.
He was, first and foremost, a loving and affectionate husband and father. My dad and mom never even disagreed in front of me; I don't think they ever had a fight at all. He would kiss and hug my mom freely, whenever he came into the house or saw her, and with obvious pleasure and passion, letting not only her, but everyone, know that she was the best thing about his day.
He was a perfectionist who got very stressed when things didn't go as he thought they should, but he was also a funny guy, a teaser with a ready laugh and a quick wit. He fulfilled his obligations without complaining, and accepted his responsibilities joyfully.
He took time for me, even when he was too busy, because he wanted to spend time with me. I wasn't a nuisance, even when I was asking a million questions and getting in the way, because he valued the time with me, and had a lot to teach me.
He allowed me to fail with guidance, so that I would learn how to do things right, and his lessons have remained with me my entire life. I understand such unexpected things as how engines work because he took the time to show me. I have wonderful memories of being in the barn with him, following him around, because he never shooed me away.
He was a Scout leader, and a 4-H leader. He was a hard worker, but also understood the value of relaxation. He loved to travel and to fish, and would plan our summer vacation for the first possible moment that we were out of school, because he couldn't wait to go and have some fun. Our vacations are some of the happiest memories of my childhood, and I can visualize him even now, in the back of the fishing boat, messing with the motor, holding his rod and reel, excited to be on the water with his family.
My dad gave to others, as well. He was always ready to bring along a niece or nephew on a camping expedition, and he treated them all with the same loving care he showed his own children. I've only recently come to understand how his life and death affected my cousins, who have their own memories and who miss him for their own reasons, the fact of which had never occurred to me before.
On Father's Day, I can only treasure the memories I have of a man that I loved deeply and who loved me selflessly in return. I am grateful for the uncles who partially helped to fill the void left by his absence, and I regret not saying so sooner. I encourage each man to be the father you should be, and to look around you to see who is being left out that you can invite into your world, and for whom you can be a role model.
I wish each child the father they deserve - one that is there for them every day, in every way a father should be. If you have that father, treat him with gratitude and thanksgiving, because you are fortunate. And if you don't, I encourage you to find a role model for yourself that brings what you need to learn about fathers to the table.
Happy Father's Day to every father. Although you are celebrated on this one day, know that you are critically important to your child every day of their life, and you make a difference to them. Embrace the responsibility, and you will be blessed in ways you cannot even imagine.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Rent-A-Guy - His time has come....
After extensive research [okay, I have one single guy friend that I talk to, but I think he's a good representative sample,] I have determined that young women are not in a marrying mood these days. They will go for a casual date, they will even call someone a boyfriend, but when it comes to making commitments, they are less interested than they used to be in traveling to the altar.
I could speculate on the reasons for this phenomenon, such as women making more money today, more women getting degrees, and thus having more opportunity for power and prestige on their own in the work-a-day world, or perhaps just the recent creep of the new adult-adolescence in which 20 somethings are now regarded as advanced teenagers who still need to be cared for and protected, instead of young adults who have to make it on their own.
I wonder what Mary Richards [The Mary Tyler Moore show for those who post-date quality television programming] would have thought of all these 20 and 30 somethings who are moving home to live with their parents, since her whole game was getting out of the house and being successful on her own. But I digress.
My point is, single women are more likely to live alone today than ever before. They buy houses and travel and do yard work and maintenance, and spend big dollars while doing so. Whether or not you see this as a sign of progress or an unfortunate development is not material to this discussion. It does, however, leave an obvious opening for a new, and potentially lucrative, business - Rent-A-Guy, your heavy lifting, maintenance friendly, dad-brother-boyfriend for an hour when you need a hand resource.
I think this is a winner. I have seen the occasional independent handyman advertisements, where you can call a guy in to fix plumbing problems, or do some painting or other types of repairs. But you have to call in advance, schedule an appointment, and wait for them to get around to you. What I have in mind is a little different.
With Rent-A-Guy, you make the call, he shows up. Immediately. Without asking a lot of questions, whining about the Big Game he's missing, or expecting you to put a cold drink in his hand and a warm body in his bed. If you ask him to move furniture, he asks where you want it, and then actually puts it there without adding his own two cents, which obviously won't work anyway. If you have to paint a room, he comes with ladder and floor covering in hand, and doesn't argue with you about the color you've chosen. If you want to replace faucets, he has his own tools, which he can get for himself without assistance.
In short, when you need a hand, he is there. And then he goes away.
As a rapidly maturing single woman, I am occasionally reduced to waiting for my son to return home to get something accomplished, because I need his longer reach or his ability to lift heavier objects than I can.
I don't need a guy to be happy. I don't need a guy to provide for me. [Although if someone wants to throw cash my way, I'll accept it, don't get me wrong!] I don't need a guy to be fulfilled, or complete, or to feel that my life is worthwhile. I need a guy to lift heavy objects, remove dead carcasses from my lawn, and to do yard work.
Rent-A-Guy. I think it's a winner.
I could speculate on the reasons for this phenomenon, such as women making more money today, more women getting degrees, and thus having more opportunity for power and prestige on their own in the work-a-day world, or perhaps just the recent creep of the new adult-adolescence in which 20 somethings are now regarded as advanced teenagers who still need to be cared for and protected, instead of young adults who have to make it on their own.
I wonder what Mary Richards [The Mary Tyler Moore show for those who post-date quality television programming] would have thought of all these 20 and 30 somethings who are moving home to live with their parents, since her whole game was getting out of the house and being successful on her own. But I digress.
My point is, single women are more likely to live alone today than ever before. They buy houses and travel and do yard work and maintenance, and spend big dollars while doing so. Whether or not you see this as a sign of progress or an unfortunate development is not material to this discussion. It does, however, leave an obvious opening for a new, and potentially lucrative, business - Rent-A-Guy, your heavy lifting, maintenance friendly, dad-brother-boyfriend for an hour when you need a hand resource.
I think this is a winner. I have seen the occasional independent handyman advertisements, where you can call a guy in to fix plumbing problems, or do some painting or other types of repairs. But you have to call in advance, schedule an appointment, and wait for them to get around to you. What I have in mind is a little different.
With Rent-A-Guy, you make the call, he shows up. Immediately. Without asking a lot of questions, whining about the Big Game he's missing, or expecting you to put a cold drink in his hand and a warm body in his bed. If you ask him to move furniture, he asks where you want it, and then actually puts it there without adding his own two cents, which obviously won't work anyway. If you have to paint a room, he comes with ladder and floor covering in hand, and doesn't argue with you about the color you've chosen. If you want to replace faucets, he has his own tools, which he can get for himself without assistance.
In short, when you need a hand, he is there. And then he goes away.
As a rapidly maturing single woman, I am occasionally reduced to waiting for my son to return home to get something accomplished, because I need his longer reach or his ability to lift heavier objects than I can.
I don't need a guy to be happy. I don't need a guy to provide for me. [Although if someone wants to throw cash my way, I'll accept it, don't get me wrong!] I don't need a guy to be fulfilled, or complete, or to feel that my life is worthwhile. I need a guy to lift heavy objects, remove dead carcasses from my lawn, and to do yard work.
Rent-A-Guy. I think it's a winner.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Double, double, toil and trouble....
I was perusing the news this morning when I spied something that made my blood run cold. Hell is apparently actually freezing over as you read this, which just goes to show, never underestimate the possibilities in life.
The earth shattering cause of this unexpected agreement? I have finally found something on which Sarah Palin and I concur.
What is this astounding point on which there has finally been a meeting of the minds? The size of Sarah Palin's mammary glands are not something that anyone, other than Sarah, and perhaps Todd, should be thinking about, much less speculating upon. Her breast size is not related to her intelligence, her experience, her ideas, her job performance, her political stance, her faith, her ability to advocate for her own positions, or anything else that is appropriate for the realm of public discussion.
Don't get me wrong. The public persona is all fair game, when you throw your hat into the political arena, for the media, the opposition, her supporters, her detractors, or the population at large to comment upon. And regardless of whether she currently holds office, she is still a political animal, and remains a very public figure given the content of her speeches, her public statements whether on Facebook, Twitter, or in the media, and the groups to whom she presents them. But her physical appearance, particularly over something so personal, the question of whether or not she has had a boob job, should be nobody's business but hers, no matter what you think of her.
Just to throw out a disclaimer here - I have agreed with her on one or two other points over the last couple of years. For example, she probably does have something to contribute to the discussion of oil drilling versus other types of energy, although we should all recognize her personal territorial biases in the discussion.
I also agree with her that her children, as all children, should be totally left out of the news cycle, unless they themselves go looking for publicity, whether they are the children of politicians, athletes, celebrities, or whomever. The children have not asked for the notoriety, and they should be given their privacy, especially as vulnerable teenagers, where they will make many mistakes.
I don't think having them stand on stage with their parents during the campaign [or attending a premiere or otherwise appearing in public with their parent] constitutes a license to humiliate them, either, whether they are Sarah Palin, George Bush, Bill or Hillary Clinton, Will Smith, or even David Letterman, regardless of whether or not they observe the same rules. Two wrongs still don't make a right, and children should be off limits. Period.
So it's not completely unheard of for me to agree with something Sarah Palin says. But it's safe to say that those occasions are pretty few and far between, so it does make me take notice of the moment.
Which brings us back to the subject at hand. I would have imagined by the 21st century we would have moved beyond judging women by their bodies instead of their minds. I am so disappointed to be reminded, once again, that my hope was a pipe dream. Nothing has really changed, even in our so-called enlightened society.
Are men occasionally judged on appearance? Well, Al Gore would probably say that they are, but it doesn't seem to interfere with his being taken seriously when weighty topics are under discussion, even when he says something ridiculous. I am not a fan of Nancy Pelosi, either, but it is her leadership and political philosophy with which I have a problem, not her choice of clothing or her hair style. I don't recall attacks on the personal appearance of Dennis Hastert, even when his opinions differed from the opposition, no matter whether I found his personal appearance pleasing or not.
I wonder when we, as a society, will move beyond a discussion of appearance and into a discussion of ideas and facts if a woman is part of the conversation? When will the stuff in your head, if you are a woman, be more important than what is in your breasts?
For those who dismiss the subject of unequal pay for equal work, this is Exhibit A for why it matters so much. Women make up half the population, and yet, they are routinely dismissed as the lesser half in a variety of subtle and not so subtle ways. It is this inequity that hurts all of us, as our girls consistently set the bar lower for themselves, and fail to reach their fullest potential.
We are denying ourselves the option of having the best minds available, if we don't do everything we can to encourage all our children to reach for the highest goals. Marie Curie was the first woman to receive the Nobel Prize, and is one of the few who have received a Nobel in two different disciplines, but it is still a prize mainly for men 100 years later. One can only wonder how many cures we haven't discovered, how many questions have gone unanswered, how many inventions remain unknown because we continue to treat half the population as second class. I wonder whether AIDS or the Gulf oil catastrophe could have been averted if more women had been involved in research and design.
Women make up more than half of the population, but women are a fraction of the total U.S. Congress. Is it because women are less dedicated? Is it because women have lesser goals? Or is it, in fact, because women are denied the opportunities from the beginning which are required to be politically successful at that level? If it is still a gamble for a woman to run for school board or city council in their area, how do you move beyond that to higher office?
Here are some statistics with which we should all become acquainted. Despite women comprising over 50% of the population in total numbers, only 17% of the Congress that passes the laws we all must live with are female, and most of those women are in the House. [A point worth noticing is that of the 90 women in Congress, 77% of them (69) are Democrats, which means Republican, conservative women are particularly under-represented.]
The numbers are not much better at the state level, where six states out of the 50 are currently governed by women, and the state legislatures are only about 25% female across the country. California, with the highest population of any state, has never had a female governor, and the current female candidate is considered the underdog, despite her experience as CEO of EBay, and throwing tens of millions of her own dollars into the campaign. In the 100 largest cities in the country, women are mayor in only seven of them, SEVEN. I don't know about you, but I consider that abysmal.
If you think it's just politics, here are some more facts that should get the attention of anyone who worries that their daughter will have less opportunity to succeed in life than their sons. According to CNN Money today, of the Fortune 500 companies, a dismal FIFTEEN have a woman CEO. Women don't do any better in the next 500 either, as there are only an additional 13 women serving as CEO's in the Fortune 1000. That is a total of 28 women running the top 1000 companies in this country.
Sadly, this is actually an improvement over last year, when there were 12 and 24 women serving as CEO in each group respectively. While women can and frequently do have different goals and ambitions from their fathers, brothers, spouses and male classmates, that does not explain this level of disparity. It is a problem which is ultimately costing us all, and the consequences are not measurable, because we simply don't know how much we have lost by excluding women from the top leadership in everything from the government to our most influential companies.
None of this is to denigrate the importance of men, and I wouldn't want anyone to be led astray on that point. Men and women have very different qualities, and generally speaking bring totally different skill sets to the table. I believe a part of the problem, in fact, is in our quest for equality. As women, we worry so much about being taken seriously that we focus on our similarities, and have failed to value our differences, which are the real strength of having two genders to begin with.
What, then, do women bring to the table that is unique and special, and which we should value, whether in private life or in the public realm? Women are, by nature, more verbal, collaborative, and generally tend to value consensus more than men. Women tend to discuss issues more thoroughly, and are more likely to look at potential problems in advance, so we can have a game plan at the ready in case of disaster. (Gulf oil spill look any differently from that perspective?) In my own parlance, I would say women are more actionary, while men are more reactionary, by nature.
Even women in positions of high power and prestige tend to exhibit these common female traits to the greatest extent that they can in an arena where manly traits are so much more valued.
This is not just an anecdotal observation. Research has shown that the brain acts differently in men and women when shown the same stimuli, and that research has supported what we instinctively know. Women brainstorm their way to a solution, men act on their experience to find a solution. Ultimately, the desired outcome is frequently achieved, even though we arrived there by different methods. And it is the outcome, that we should be focused on, not the route that got us there.
It saddens me to see any woman, no matter who she is, reduced to a set of physical criteria, at the expense of her ideas. Whether or not I agree with Sarah's stance on anything is less important to me than whether or not, as a woman, her stance on serious issues is taken seriously by the entire public - which includes both genders.
Sarah Palin has become very adept at using her femininity to her advantage, and I have heard criticisms leveled against her for it. But until women are given the same opportunities of power and leadership as men, and evaluated by the same outcomes based criteria as men, the content and quality of their ideas rather than their breasts, their fashion sense, or their faces, I say go for it. If the age old double standard is going to be used against her, she has a right to co-opt it and use it to her advantage, as well.
Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream long ago, that his children and my children and your children would, one fine day, be evaluated on the content of their minds, rather than the color of their skin. I would expand upon that dream, because I dream that someday my daughter will be taken as seriously as my son, not for the beauty of her face, but for the intelligent mind and caring heart that resides inside the ephemeral exterior.
The earth shattering cause of this unexpected agreement? I have finally found something on which Sarah Palin and I concur.
What is this astounding point on which there has finally been a meeting of the minds? The size of Sarah Palin's mammary glands are not something that anyone, other than Sarah, and perhaps Todd, should be thinking about, much less speculating upon. Her breast size is not related to her intelligence, her experience, her ideas, her job performance, her political stance, her faith, her ability to advocate for her own positions, or anything else that is appropriate for the realm of public discussion.
Don't get me wrong. The public persona is all fair game, when you throw your hat into the political arena, for the media, the opposition, her supporters, her detractors, or the population at large to comment upon. And regardless of whether she currently holds office, she is still a political animal, and remains a very public figure given the content of her speeches, her public statements whether on Facebook, Twitter, or in the media, and the groups to whom she presents them. But her physical appearance, particularly over something so personal, the question of whether or not she has had a boob job, should be nobody's business but hers, no matter what you think of her.
Just to throw out a disclaimer here - I have agreed with her on one or two other points over the last couple of years. For example, she probably does have something to contribute to the discussion of oil drilling versus other types of energy, although we should all recognize her personal territorial biases in the discussion.
I also agree with her that her children, as all children, should be totally left out of the news cycle, unless they themselves go looking for publicity, whether they are the children of politicians, athletes, celebrities, or whomever. The children have not asked for the notoriety, and they should be given their privacy, especially as vulnerable teenagers, where they will make many mistakes.
I don't think having them stand on stage with their parents during the campaign [or attending a premiere or otherwise appearing in public with their parent] constitutes a license to humiliate them, either, whether they are Sarah Palin, George Bush, Bill or Hillary Clinton, Will Smith, or even David Letterman, regardless of whether or not they observe the same rules. Two wrongs still don't make a right, and children should be off limits. Period.
So it's not completely unheard of for me to agree with something Sarah Palin says. But it's safe to say that those occasions are pretty few and far between, so it does make me take notice of the moment.
Which brings us back to the subject at hand. I would have imagined by the 21st century we would have moved beyond judging women by their bodies instead of their minds. I am so disappointed to be reminded, once again, that my hope was a pipe dream. Nothing has really changed, even in our so-called enlightened society.
Are men occasionally judged on appearance? Well, Al Gore would probably say that they are, but it doesn't seem to interfere with his being taken seriously when weighty topics are under discussion, even when he says something ridiculous. I am not a fan of Nancy Pelosi, either, but it is her leadership and political philosophy with which I have a problem, not her choice of clothing or her hair style. I don't recall attacks on the personal appearance of Dennis Hastert, even when his opinions differed from the opposition, no matter whether I found his personal appearance pleasing or not.
I wonder when we, as a society, will move beyond a discussion of appearance and into a discussion of ideas and facts if a woman is part of the conversation? When will the stuff in your head, if you are a woman, be more important than what is in your breasts?
For those who dismiss the subject of unequal pay for equal work, this is Exhibit A for why it matters so much. Women make up half the population, and yet, they are routinely dismissed as the lesser half in a variety of subtle and not so subtle ways. It is this inequity that hurts all of us, as our girls consistently set the bar lower for themselves, and fail to reach their fullest potential.
We are denying ourselves the option of having the best minds available, if we don't do everything we can to encourage all our children to reach for the highest goals. Marie Curie was the first woman to receive the Nobel Prize, and is one of the few who have received a Nobel in two different disciplines, but it is still a prize mainly for men 100 years later. One can only wonder how many cures we haven't discovered, how many questions have gone unanswered, how many inventions remain unknown because we continue to treat half the population as second class. I wonder whether AIDS or the Gulf oil catastrophe could have been averted if more women had been involved in research and design.
Women make up more than half of the population, but women are a fraction of the total U.S. Congress. Is it because women are less dedicated? Is it because women have lesser goals? Or is it, in fact, because women are denied the opportunities from the beginning which are required to be politically successful at that level? If it is still a gamble for a woman to run for school board or city council in their area, how do you move beyond that to higher office?
Here are some statistics with which we should all become acquainted. Despite women comprising over 50% of the population in total numbers, only 17% of the Congress that passes the laws we all must live with are female, and most of those women are in the House. [A point worth noticing is that of the 90 women in Congress, 77% of them (69) are Democrats, which means Republican, conservative women are particularly under-represented.]
The numbers are not much better at the state level, where six states out of the 50 are currently governed by women, and the state legislatures are only about 25% female across the country. California, with the highest population of any state, has never had a female governor, and the current female candidate is considered the underdog, despite her experience as CEO of EBay, and throwing tens of millions of her own dollars into the campaign. In the 100 largest cities in the country, women are mayor in only seven of them, SEVEN. I don't know about you, but I consider that abysmal.
If you think it's just politics, here are some more facts that should get the attention of anyone who worries that their daughter will have less opportunity to succeed in life than their sons. According to CNN Money today, of the Fortune 500 companies, a dismal FIFTEEN have a woman CEO. Women don't do any better in the next 500 either, as there are only an additional 13 women serving as CEO's in the Fortune 1000. That is a total of 28 women running the top 1000 companies in this country.
Sadly, this is actually an improvement over last year, when there were 12 and 24 women serving as CEO in each group respectively. While women can and frequently do have different goals and ambitions from their fathers, brothers, spouses and male classmates, that does not explain this level of disparity. It is a problem which is ultimately costing us all, and the consequences are not measurable, because we simply don't know how much we have lost by excluding women from the top leadership in everything from the government to our most influential companies.
None of this is to denigrate the importance of men, and I wouldn't want anyone to be led astray on that point. Men and women have very different qualities, and generally speaking bring totally different skill sets to the table. I believe a part of the problem, in fact, is in our quest for equality. As women, we worry so much about being taken seriously that we focus on our similarities, and have failed to value our differences, which are the real strength of having two genders to begin with.
What, then, do women bring to the table that is unique and special, and which we should value, whether in private life or in the public realm? Women are, by nature, more verbal, collaborative, and generally tend to value consensus more than men. Women tend to discuss issues more thoroughly, and are more likely to look at potential problems in advance, so we can have a game plan at the ready in case of disaster. (Gulf oil spill look any differently from that perspective?) In my own parlance, I would say women are more actionary, while men are more reactionary, by nature.
Even women in positions of high power and prestige tend to exhibit these common female traits to the greatest extent that they can in an arena where manly traits are so much more valued.
This is not just an anecdotal observation. Research has shown that the brain acts differently in men and women when shown the same stimuli, and that research has supported what we instinctively know. Women brainstorm their way to a solution, men act on their experience to find a solution. Ultimately, the desired outcome is frequently achieved, even though we arrived there by different methods. And it is the outcome, that we should be focused on, not the route that got us there.
It saddens me to see any woman, no matter who she is, reduced to a set of physical criteria, at the expense of her ideas. Whether or not I agree with Sarah's stance on anything is less important to me than whether or not, as a woman, her stance on serious issues is taken seriously by the entire public - which includes both genders.
Sarah Palin has become very adept at using her femininity to her advantage, and I have heard criticisms leveled against her for it. But until women are given the same opportunities of power and leadership as men, and evaluated by the same outcomes based criteria as men, the content and quality of their ideas rather than their breasts, their fashion sense, or their faces, I say go for it. If the age old double standard is going to be used against her, she has a right to co-opt it and use it to her advantage, as well.
Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream long ago, that his children and my children and your children would, one fine day, be evaluated on the content of their minds, rather than the color of their skin. I would expand upon that dream, because I dream that someday my daughter will be taken as seriously as my son, not for the beauty of her face, but for the intelligent mind and caring heart that resides inside the ephemeral exterior.
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