Birthday song

Yesterday was a big day in a mom's life.  It was my daughter's birthday, and like most moms, I was reliving one of the most important and life changing days a person can experience.

Whether first, last, or one of several, the birth of child changes the world for you.  This helpless individual, completely dependent on your whims, is your full responsibility, and its a big one.  In this case, the child was even more helpless than most, being premature and in the NICU for some time before being allowed home.  She was just a morsel of humanity, light as a feather, and so fragile she couldn't even cry at first.  But the overwhelming love I felt was as big as the universe.  I would have done anything for her, from the first moment until this moment.

Escaping the past....

I very rarely discuss politics with anyone, because it has become such an incendiary topic these days.  The polar extremes have hijacked the process, and everything seems to be all or nothing, either or.  That doesn't represent the reality of my life, and I am tired of it all.

Life is nuanced, and there are infinite positions between A and Z.  But to find the middle ground, you have to actually be able to discuss the issues, and in the current climate of hate, fear and mistrust, we don't seem to be able to do that, either in Washington, or out in the real world.  So, like many others, I focus on my narrow life and avoid even the mention of anything controversial.

On life and living....

On February 1, 2001, I awakened to a pain so excruciating words are inadequate to describe it.  I am not a wimp about pain, but this was intolerable.  On the usual one to ten scale, this was definitely a 12.  I could not stand upright, and my side hurt with such a burning, searing pain I thought I was dying.  (As it turned out, I was, but I didn't know that yet.)

Evaluating one's self....

A couple of weeks ago I fell on the ice and hurt my knee.  It has been a painful, ever present reminder that I am not the master of my own universe, and that randomly, out of nowhere, there can be a whole new plan forced upon me.  I can do my best to stay on the narrow path, but sometimes icy spots trip you up.

I think these moments are valuable.  They force you to contemplate your well ordered existence, and jar you from your easy complacency.  My injured knee has caused me to evaluate my own life, and think about what is most important to me, an exercise which I think is important to do occasionally.

Life sentence...

It is so easy to take my mother for granted.  She is always there, quietly supporting me, no matter what the circumstances. Even as she has gotten older and less physically strong, she continues to listen and inspire with her wealth of life experience and her calm assurance that all will eventually be well.  I could not imagine anyone better suited to be my mother than the one I have.

It was not an easy path for her to become my mother.  Most women have a nine month pregnancy, and viola, they are a mother.  But my mother took a much harder journey, one which built strength and character, along with the blows life dealt her.  Because she lost three babies along the way, and I came as the rainbow after the storms.