Smaller glasses...

It has been 47 years since the foundation of my life was rocked by the death of my father on January 26, 1973.  It was sudden, unexpected, and we were totally unprepared for all the ways our carefully planned life would change.  (I give my mother total credit for holding it all together, because it was HARD, and surely wasn't in her life plan, and I don't think I was very helpful.)

In those 47 years, I have grown up, I have graduated three times (only to not use any of the education I received for anything I now do!) I have gotten married twice, I have two children, I have two grandchildren, I have moved more times than I care to remember, I have made friendships that have endured all of life's traumas, and I have built a life that could have used a father's input, but which has had the benefit of a strong and independent mother.  You have been sorely missed, but it has been good anyway.  Perspective is everything, and my glass is three quarters full.

Chosen...

It is a gift to be a chosen person.  No matter what we are doing, we want to be picked, selected, wanted.  It pulls at our psyche to know that not only are we tolerated, we are, in fact, desired.  Whether it is being picked for a side in elementary PE or asked for a date by that special someone or becoming an employee at the place we most want to work, we want to be the one that someone else can't do without, the one who completes the picture, and makes the unfinished whole.

Big brothers...

Seventy years ago today, the world changed for my mom and dad when my brother was born.  They didn't know it then, of course, I was still 11 years away from making my own appearance, but the world changed for me that day, too, because I would get to be his little sister.  And what a lucky little sister I am.  Because my brother is really special.

It is well with my soul....

I am a musician, and I love almost all music.  I play piano, I sing, and I am in a band.  I am not a musical snob - I  will play or sing almost anything, as long as it has a tune, and I will probably find something to enjoy about it.

For example, I often listen to contemporary Christian music, and even sing it on a regular basis.  The message is usually simple but direct, and I like that.  Faith is complicated.  Sometimes it is nice to have a simple concept to draw on.  But I wonder...  will these songs still be sung in five years?  Do they, sometimes, lack substance?

World's Best Dad...

Each year on Father's Day, I feel the mixed emotions of love and loss.  Even after all these years, I still feel the love of my father as fresh as if it were yesterday that I last saw him.  He remains firmly in my heart, and no amount of passing time will ever change that love.

But I still miss him every day, in a million little unspoken, even unrecognized ways, as most people who have lost their father do.  You don't always think about it when you are missing someone.  You simply miss their presence in your life.  The unanswered questions.  The knowledge that never got imparted.  The life story you didn't get to share.  The years that you wanted but didn't get to have.  It is a significant loss, and one from which you will move forward, but never entirely beyond.