Gratitude and hope

On January 2, 1962, I met my family for the first time.  I came fully dressed, with my own silverware (a Christmas gift from my foster grandmother, apparently!  We still have it, of course,) and already potty trained (a serious bonus if ever there was one!)  My social worker, who was bringing me to the meeting, was running late, and ran for the elevator my family had just stepped into.  My mother looked at me, and leaned over to whisper to my dad, "That's her!"  Our hearts met in that moment, and somehow, in this wide world, I was already theirs, and they were already mine.  

It strikes me as funny that they had to go "home" for the night, which for that night was actually my aunt and uncle's home, to think about whether or not they actually wanted to take me for keeps.  (Yes, the similarily to adopting a pet is not lost on me!  Haha!)  Mom spent the entire night sick with anxiety that something would go wrong, and somehow, I wouldn't be theirs after all.

An extraordinary woman....

 I have been blessed in my life to be surrounded by loving aunts and uncles galore.  Each of them was extra special to me, every one in their own unique way, and when I think of them, it is easy to remember the qualities that stand out for me in each one.   Every single one of them set an example for me of how to live well, how to behave towards others, how to be the best me I can be.  I can not fail if I simply follow the path set before me by these amazing people I am lucky enough to call my family.

Losing each one has been painful and difficult, but I always say this pain of loss is the price of loving someone deeply, and it is worth the cost, of course.  But that pain, in the moment, is hard, and I wish we never had to experience it.  But alas, no one lives forever, and this past week, I lost yet another person who helped form and shape my life in ways she probably didn't even know.

A Daughter for Life...

 I am sure that most mothers believe their daughter is the most special, most beautiful, most successful daughter in the world.  I am certainly no different.  When my daughter arrived 30 years ago, she changed my life completely, in ways I would never have imagined.  And I am so grateful for the journey, the adventure, of being her mom.  It has been such a privilege.

A Mother's Love

My mother knows my attitude about flowers and funerals - I think you give the flowers while the person is still alive instead of putting them on a grave, and you let the person know how you feel while they can still appreciate it, instead of saving it all up for everyone else in a eulogy when they are gone.

On Monday, my mother will be 95 years old.  That is a grand age, and one well worth celebrating.  She is a quiet person, and hates to be the center of attention, so we are having a small family party, not a large affair.  But I am a proud daughter, not because she is 95, but because she is the person she is at any age.  So I feel a need to brag about her a little bit, to let the world know the person I get to see all the time.

A cautionary tale....

I have thought a lot about the Gabby Petito case, lately, and its on my heart.  There is a message in this case that hasn't really been talked about much, at least as far as I have seen.  And if there is anything good to come out of this terrible tragedy, it is the cautionary tale of Gabby's life and death.

No one, literally no one, even our closest friends and relatives, knows what goes on behind closed doors.  People cover up all sorts of things, from the petty and insignificant, to the serious and even deadly.  Gabby (and Laundrie) covered up an abusive relationship, and it cost them both their lives.  So here is my serious advice to anyone, man or woman, when you get involved with someone, even if you think you already know them well or someone you know gives them rave reviews.

The first time, the VERY FIRST TIME, someone is abusive to you, walk away and don't ever go back.  People do not suddenly become abusive because you did something wrong, they abuse others because they lost their self control and feel they have a right to lash out however they want.  It was a choice, not a forced reaction.  If someone hits you or harms you or threatens you, get out and tell someone immediately.  You don't owe them your silence, and it wasn't your fault they chose to lose control.  Verbal abuse is still abuse, and if someone threatens you, even if they don't carry it through, you are still at risk.

Maya Angelou once said, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."  This is good advice in all walks of life, but particularly for intimate relationships.  Those who abuse are telling you who they really are, deep down, and they most likely won't change.  Don't hang around for the second round.  There will be no winners.