Every year at this time, I contemplate what it means to me to be a grandmother. My two grandsons have their birthdays two days apart, and it always shocks me, each year, how quickly the years are flying by. This year it is even more so, as they are both in school and they are so clearly growing up. Their faces are no longer the faces of babies or toddlers - they are boys, growing and thinking and in possession of their own personalities and thoughts and plans.
I did not grow up with grandparents. I always knew I was missing out on something, because my friends would talk about how great it was to go to their grandparents' homes, but mine all died before I was born, or when I was so young I don't remember them at all. I didn't really spend time with friends at their grandparents' homes, either. The only real example I had was my own mother as a grandparent to my kids, and while she did so much right, I thought about ways I would do it differently, also.
So when I was approaching grandparenting myself, I felt like I finally had a clean slate to make the role my own. I don't have to live up to anyone else's memory. I don't have to follow anyone else's example. I don't have guidelines or expectations to meet. I get to be the grandparent I want to be, just the way I want to do it, and no one else is involved except the kids, who don't know any better. Perfect! What freedom!
My oldest grandson was born eight years ago, and I was a little nervous about it all. It sounds silly to me now, of course, but my big worry at the time was that he wouldn't like me. Because we live so far apart, I was worried he wouldn't know me well enough to love me, either, or value my presence in his life. And what if he thought I was dumb, or silly, or, I don't know, not good at the whole grandparenting thing? Turns out I am not perfect at it, I have been dumb, silly, not there for things I wish I was there for, and a lot of other stuff, and he loves me anyway! (To be fair to my daughter, she thought all my fears were ridiculous, and she was right. But you can't help worrying!)
By the time Grandchild #2 came along, the fears were long gone, and I felt I understood and embraced my role fully. He is a totally different personality, and so I get to be a different Grandmama to him than to the first one, which makes it all even more fun, because now we have added dimensions to the whole thing. I am still silly and dumb and not always present, but in different ways, and it turns out he loves me, too, just as I am, imperfections and all!
Grandparenting turns out to be a whole lot of fun, a little responsibility (as little as possible!) and a fair amount of driving around. We play dinosaurs and Star Wars and vehicles and jump together on their trampoline. We have parties and go to the park and the zoo. I have gone to their school lunch and even a field trip and they have accompanied me to my favorite fruity drink place (which is conveniently located next door to their school and is literally on the way home. Probably just as well for our bank account that we do not have a Fruitealicious in Minnesota.) We do all the things I loved doing with their mother and their uncle, a happy life rerun for me, and they love it just as much as my kids did.
As a parent, I had a responsibility to train up my children into solid, responsible people, and I hope I did my job well. I always did the best I could, certainly, and I think the results speak for themselves. As a grandparent, though, my responsibility is to be a loving, caring adult who can meet the kids where they are at, listen and participate in their life in a meaningful way that affirms and supports them, without having to be accountable for them. It frees me to just be the silly, goofy person I enjoy being with them, and consequently, they get to see a person almost no one else ever gets to see.
It is such a privilege to sit on the sidelines of their lives and just be Grandmama. As each year passes, I am increasingly enthralled with who they are becoming, and look forward to seeing what life brings their way. I am looking forward to another year of fun, adventure, joy and excitement as we head into their next year of life.
I am so grateful for the blessing it is to be Grandmama. It is good to be reminded each year of just how lucky I am.
